NOVA Conference Workshop

A few months ago after submitting for the 2nd year in a row I was chosen to conduct a workshop at the annual (National Organization for Victim Assistance) NOVA Conference. I was excited, honored, nervous among many other adjectives since this was going to be my first workshop. It's content would be me sharing my story of date rape, the legal process, counseling and life following from a victim's point of view to an audience of professionals mostly made up of victim's advocates.

The 41st NOVA Conference was held in Dallas this year and it would be a whirlwind 2 days for me flying in on Tuesday afternoon to check in, get acquainted, on Wednesday attend other workshop/events, then it would be my turn to speak. We were set up at the beautiful Intercontinental Hotel with the entire Ballroom floor and I was surrounded by other attendees wherever I went feeling right at home with all these compassionate people who understand me and what I've been through. 

Wednesday morning was a Victim's Tribute with speakers who had impressive resume's and numerous awards. There was song and dance presented by two very talented women and a father from MADD who lost his precious son to a drunk driver and shared his story and memories. I had a chance to briefly speak with him after as his son & have the same birthday which immediately made me feel connected to him. The event ended with a beautiful candlelight ceremony that represented all categories of victim's and their survivors.

Then I went back to my room to mentally prepare for my speech which was scheduled from 1:00-2:30 pm. The previous day I scouted out my room/venue to become familiar with the layout so I knew what I would be walking into that afternoon. This workshop would be the longest time frame to fill since I began speaking over 6 years ago but although anxious it would allow me to share many details I sometimes can't due to time constraints. As the 1:00 hour approached I gathered up the few materials I had along with myself and made my way down to The Spectrum room.

Before entering my room I was greeted by my assigned volunteer, a lovely woman, who was going to take care of distributing my presentation handouts to the room full of participants prior to my speech and as they departed handing out the Workshop sticker for the conference booklet so the attendees could document each one completed. The room was nearly full and as I set myself up it approached capacity just before I began speaking with a few joining in the minutes after I started. The room was perfect for the type of workshop I was running which was me telling my story and no use of the AV or Flip chart provided. It was intimate and filled with an estimated 75 NOVA members. 

After introducing myself and laying out what my objectives were for the workshop I began telling my story and filled it with as many specifics as possible hoping there was something in it to benefit each and every participant somehow. During particular high and low points of the details I shared the group would react which I found very comforting. They were in this with me from start to finish and I liked that very much. I remember looking down at my watch to get a sense of where I was in time and an hour had passed by seemingly effortlessly. At this point I could reassess how to bring it all together leaving 15 minutes for Q & A. These were much different questions than posed to me by college students welcoming the challenge to answer them efficiently. 

Relieved and satisfied when it was over I was greeted by many thanking me for telling my story and others sharing stories of their own or asking additional questions. They were an amazing group of women and men making me feel as if I contributed positively to the subject which was my only goal. I took a moment to accept my success for having done something new and different that I ultimately enjoyed. 

Before leaving the conference there was a closing ceremony I wanted to attend since I was only there for a day and a half it was important that I experience everything I could in that short period of time. Even more people approached me in the lobby area and inside the ballroom saying that had attended my workshop offering kind words. 

What I got out of this was knowing I can expand my speaking horizons and that it's something I would like to do again. I left the conference and Dallas very happy!

Solving Unsolved Sex Crimes

A little over a year ago I received an email from my colleague at Strength United, a community agency affiliated with CSU Northridge committed to ending abuse, empowering families and developing leaders. I have worked with them most recently as a sexual assault survivor speaker to their Advocates. Ann Conkle, Outreach and Engagement Officer reached out to me after receiving a request from the production company for Cold Justice a show that follows detectives around the country as they solve cold cases. The were developing a spin-off show that would focus on sex crimes with particular emphasis on cold cases related to untested rape kits. An issue that has been brought to light within the past few years. They were in the process of picking detectives for the new show and needed sexual assault survivors to role play with the potential detectives. The producer ideally wanted victims who had been through the prosecution process and comfortable speaking about their experience. Ann said she immediately thought of me and if I was interested in participating provided me with the contact information for the producer along with the date in which it was scheduled.

I had watched every episode of the original Cold Justice show with my boyfriend and was excited that this potential spin-off show could help solve sexual assault victims cases in the way it helped murder victims families. After letting Ann know all this and thanking her for the referral I emailed the producer with my story and background which began our correspondence in preparation for the day ahead and what I could expect.

As I arrived to the production offices that day I was greeted and introduced to the staff and crew then settled into a waiting area where three other survivors of sexual assault joined me. While alone we introduced ourselves and shared our stories of (coincidentally) date rape and the paths that our lives took subsequently. It is always a safe space when surrounded by only survivors with no one else listening in on our conversation. We can share as much or as little as we like with each other knowing we have been in the same shoes, so to speak. The women I met were all so brave and strong moving on successfully with their lives except for one young girl. She was openly telling her story for the first time trying as best she could to navigate her way through the experience. The three of us knew what that first time was like and offered what we knew she needed as far as support and guidance. 

A representative of LA's Peace Over Violence, a rape crisis organization, arrived and would stay in our waiting room to be there as we each returned from role playing with the detectives. She checked in with each of us and if necessary would provide one on one counseling. Every victim/survivor reacts differently after retelling their story and it's important to have someone there to provide counsel. 

I would be the third called in by production to role play. They introduced me to two very seasoned special victim's unit detectives who told me about their background and experience investigating these types of crimes. I remember thinking how similar in demeanor and compassion they were to Detective O'Malley who was the law enforcement professional that took my statement and the first person I told my story to in its entirety. The crew explained that everything was going to be recorded on video. There were cameras in and outside of the room and I was fitted with a microphone similar to my doing an interview. The "interview" took about 45 minutes to an hour. The idea was for all of us to react as if we were meeting for the first time, having my statement taken and being provided the information on how the legal process would move forward as a victim. Once finished I met briefly outside the room with the producers while they asked me for my feedback of the detectives performance. Then I rejoined the ladies, each time one of us returned we discussed our experience and opinions with the others. Before leaving we exchanged each other's information.

Shortly thereafter the producer came to thank us for our help and we all discussed our hopes and excitement for the show to air on television. Cold Justice airs on the TNT network and about 2 months ago during one of their recap shows they introduced the legal team who would be part of the Cold Justice: Sex Crimes spin-off and I couldn't have been happier. The new show will premiere Friday July 31st at 9:00pm East and 6:00pm West. I hope it's a success, helps a lot of victims heal and puts their attackers behind bars where they belong.

Additionally this week I received my RAINN Newsletter with an article providing information about the assistance they provided to each victim for each episode as well as details about Cold Justice: Sex Crimes and RAINN. See link below to read more.

RAINN Partners with TNT's Cold Justice: Sex Crimes to Provide Support to Survivors

Sexual Assault Reporting & Repeat Offenders

I recently read an article in the NY Times regarding the difficulty rape victims (women & men) have in reporting their sexual assault especially on college campuses. Less than 10% of students report their assault to the college or police. There is a laundry list of why survivors don't report and one reason is that the reporting process for victims can be perceived as unfriendly. Most victims feel alone and fear the consequences of reporting their attack. What they don't know is 90% of sexual assaults are committed by repeat offenders and if we could stop college sexual assault offenders after their second attack we would prevent 60% of sexual assaults. 

Now there is a sexual assault reporting system being developed called Callisto that will provide a 3-part process for victims/students to participate. If the victim sees their attacker is a repeat offender and then chooses the third reporting option the first two steps become very valuable. See three steps outlined below:

1. Fill out an account of the incident online.

2. Securely save the report

3. Report now or later

As a survivor of a serial date rapist (although as an adult and not a college student) I am completely on board with this type of reporting system. My attacker committed multiple sexual assaults before and after he raped me. I have met and had long discussions with many of those women and they all wish they had known of the victims that came before them because then they would have had the courage to come forward and report their own assault. As a result they feel there may not have been the victims to follow them. These are feelings that I had to work through as part of my rape crisis counseling. It is not easily accepted or able to move past.

My assault included being drugged first and my attacker raped me while I was unconscious. I woke up the next morning naked in his bed, violently ill and confused. To add to the confusion my rapist was nice to me. I struggled to remember what happened the night before and couldn't make sense of it. Jeffrey Marsalis raped dozens of women in the same way and if there was a resource that I could have gone to validate what my instincts knew wasn't right about that night I would have reported my attack to the police immediately. Instead he went on to rape women for another year and a half before finally being arrested leading to two trials and convictions of sexual assault and rape. He will now spend the rest of his life in prison and never hurt another woman again but "only if"... Instead of focusing on the past the I can not control I chose to focus on the future and advocating for what I can control.

NY Times Article

Callisto - A College Sexual Assault Reporting System

Callisto is currently in its design and development phase.

UPDATE: I was contacted by a member of Callisto and as their first goal is to create a supporting and empowering experience for survivors and in order to do so they are trying to get as much feedback as possible during the design and development process.
They are looking for current college students or college survivors of any age that were assaulted in college. If interested please fill out the brief survey (link below) and you will be contacted shortly.

Callisto Research Participation Form

Still Speaking Out 6 Years Later

As I was preparing for my trip to Central California this week and a speech at the National Crime Victims Rights Week ceremony in Merced it was not lost on me that 6 years ago almost to the day I gave my first speech. 

While I was receiving counseling at WOAR (Women Organized Against Rape) the Director, Carole Johnson, had been monitoring my progress with my counselor Laura. They had decided I was in a good place where I could tell my story at their annual Take It All Back event on April 25, 2009. At the request and with just the right amount of encouragement from Laura she presented the idea to me of including me in the "Survivor Speaker" part of the day. I wasn't all that uncomfortable with public speaking, although this would be something so much different, but I had trusted her thus far (over a combined year of therapy sessions) and agreed to speak. Laura said we could work on the speech together and assured me that while I presented it she would be right by my side.

I went home and worked on my 'assignment' for the next two weeks so I would be ready to show Laura what I had written and we could review and discuss it at our next meeting. Since I had never been to a Take Back The Night event I was unfamiliar with the format. She told me that the survivors tell their story in a way that was most comfortable for them. It just so happened that my story had a beginning, middle and almost an end I decided to tell it in that order. My story was also unique for survivors of sexual assault because I had been through each phase starting with my report to law enforcement, rape crisis counseling and the trial process from preliminary hearing, closing arguments to sentencing. Not only that but the added stress but it was also a high profile case with endless print and television media coverage and my recent participation in an ABC News interview they were completing for a Summer air date.

Two days before the event I met with Laura, she read the speech, which she liked and we talked about what I might expect as I presented it. The very same week Jeffrey Marsalis' Idaho Rape trial was going on and I was following along as best I could from NJ with all my help from the online reports by the local news media there. The next day, Friday, the jury had gotten the case and that evening after my workout I received the message from Philadelphia prosecutor Joe Khan that Marsalis had been convicted of Rape and sentencing was scheduled for a few months later. These were the words I had been waiting years to hear and as I drove home that evening I spoke with Joe who told me the jury deliberated only a few hours and came back with the guilty verdict. I now had a real end to my story and added that to my speech which I would be giving the next day.

On Saturday morning I drove to the Independence Visitors Center in Philadelphia where Take it All Back was being held and walked into the room where all the festivities were going on. The atmosphere can only be described as welcoming with everything related to supporting victims and survivors of sexual assault. It was beautiful! I scanned the room for Laura and once I spotted her practically ran over to share the good news. I am not embarrassed to say that we screamed and hugged as we discussed the guilty verdict and briefly talked about what was next as far as his sentencing. This news we shared with the Director Carole and many others who work for WOAR that knew about the case and me since I had been arriving for regular counseling sessions at their offices for quite a long time.

After much anticipation it was now time for the schedule of events to begin which included a proclamation by the Mayor, music and dance performances and then it was my turn. I walked up to the podium with my typewritten speech and Laura joined me but stood just off to the side. I gave that speech through shaky words and tears at times finally at one point reaching for Laura's hand which I held on to as if my life depended on it. When I got to the part and as I shared with the audience the previous day's guilty verdict the crowd erupted in applause and cheers. It was unexpected and overwhelming and I was thankful that it was the last part of my speech because I broke down into Laura's arms after that reaction. Their reaction to my news a direct result of the fact that guilty rape verdicts and difficult to achieve. A sobering fact that we are all trying to change. The support I received from all those people was a lot to handle and as I describe it to you now I feel it all over again. 

That was the beginning of my path to telling my story to as many who want to listen. Six years later I am about to give another speech as an honored and invited guest of the Merced County District Attorney and Victim Witness Assistance Program for their National Crime Victims' Rights Week ceremony. I am excited to be here to share my story and spend the day with other victims of violent crimes and support them any way I can. I also get a chance to thank those who help victims through the worst moments of their lives. They are the true hero's which should never be forgotten because if it wasn't for those in Philadelphia law enforcement, the prosecution team and counselors at WOAR I would not be here today.

Still More Work to Do

In my Day 1 SAAM blog I wrote about how inspired and excited I was for the interest shown by all the new people I was meeting through my recent job adventure. Today, Day 2, I want to talk about those who choose to not just be unreceptive of victims and survivors stories but engage in nasty name calling to supporters who attempt to affect a change in rape culture. The people aren't just on the opposite side but engage in everything that is bad about a narrow-minded thinker including victim blaming, verbal abuse, harassment, etc. 

It all started because I backed a woman who launched a campaign to postpone or cancel Bill Cosby comedy shows and support all the women (his victims) who bravely came forward to speak up and tell their horrific experiences with the comedian/actor. I then promoted the cause through my Twitter and Facebook accounts. About a week later I was included in a twitter tirade launched by a very small minded man who uses words for evil as well as try and hurt people instead of using them for good or productive results. The following is a summary of his multiple tweets: Calling into question her intelligence, accusing her of being paid off and finally the ever popular whore label. This is by no means the first time I have experience such nasty, hateful remarks nor is it the first time I blogged about it but coming off of an encouraging few weeks it was a reality check for me which in hindsight was not at all a bad thing by any means. 

Reading someone spew hate in tweet after tweet has a dual effect on me. First, it reminds me there are so many in this world who don't see things the way I do and probably never will. No matter how much information you provide them their opinion is not going to change nor do they want it to. Second, it only motivates me to work harder and spread my message further. I think the negative, closed minded part of the population is small and will slowly become isolated from the rest of us especially if they use their words to bully instead of express their opinions in a more clear and intelligent format. They can call me or my colleagues and supporters nasty names but as I have been known to say before "consider the source". The big picture is what they say doesn't really matter. Most of us regardless of what side of the topic you are on do not want to engage in that type of behavior and will step back from anyone who finds it acceptable. 

I choose to spread my message of date rape and sexual assault awareness to the open-minded and those who are simply unaware of the topic and looking to learn more. Even if they listen to what I have to say in speeches, tv interviews or read my blogs and tweets and never do anything about that's OK with me because not everyone is interested in being an activist. What they are interested in is being informed which the most I can wish for the general population. The reality is one day just maybe someone they know will come to them and share their own personal story of sexual assault and they now know just enough on how to react appropriately and compassionately.

The social media trolls will always be there but by no means do we have to acknowledge or engage them. I continue to tune out the negative and welcome the interested.

Spreading the Message

Most recently I began working as an 'extra' for TV & movies and it has not only been a '10' on the scale of cool but the people I'm meeting and working with have been inspiring as well.

I should really explain first how I got into doing this type of work. As some of you well know I moved to LA in late 2013 to start the next chapter of my life with my boyfriend Steve and also begin JoAnnSpeaksOut. Steve has a successful podcast where he interviews anyone and everyone in all aspects of the entertainment industry not to mention he also has a comedy and writing background along with many of his friends working in TV & movies in front of and behind the camera. I have always been a huge fan of television and movies and a self described addict watching hours and hours of both. Steve encouraged me to look into doing extra work for fun and I liked the idea because it's flexible and would fit around my busy schedule. 

Another reason I was interested is that I have always lived my life for the experiences. I am not afraid to try new things even if I only do them once which includes traveling the world by myself, trying out as a Philadelphia Eagles cheerleader and many others that I won't go into now. After the Jeffrey Marsalis trials were over, I knew he was safely behind bars for Life and my counseling was completed successfully the drive and determination for me to never regret "NOT" doing something was even more prevalent. I have been known to say that I will not lay on my death bed replaying my life and thinking of the things I didn't do but only the things I did.

So even though I'm only a few weeks into this new work I have been deeply moved by the responses to my answering the questions 'What is it that you do?' and 'What brought you to working as an extra?' Because extra work brings people from all different backgrounds, ages, places in the world everyone has an interesting story to tell and there is a natural curiosity to learn about those you will be working with for what could be long hours. I answer the question by being brief and straight to the point "I'm a speaker and advocate for sexual assault awareness". This brings a multitude of reactions but NEVER a negative one. Some ask if it's due to a personal experience, some ask that I elaborate on where and how I work and spread my message, others have taken me aside to discuss the subject or ask me a lot of questions or my opinion on the latest news topics surrounding sexual assault. In the past few days a young girl opened up to me about her assault and counseling and an older gentlemen offered contact information for the family crisis center where he volunteers as a math/physics tutor when I asked him while elaborating they really need someone like me to come in and speak there. Finally a young guy told me of a smart phone app he has developed to help women in an emergency situation so I gave him my card and offered to share that information in a later blog when he was ready to market it.

At the kickoff for SAAM (April 1st) I felt it fitting that I share the positive experiences I've had in such a short period of time spreading the message of sexual assault awareness to such a broad audience. This is the best outcome I could ever wish for as part of my JoAnnSpeaksOut mission. All the victims, survivors, advocates and activists want is for people to start talking about the subject as if it was any other topic to be discussed. the time is way past due to bring it out of the shadows and raise the voices above a whisper when the words rape, date rape, sexual assault are spoken.

I think we are there and I couldn't be more excited about the future because if everyone starts talking about it the victims can begin to heal the perpetrators can be arrested and prosecuted and shame can be a thing of the past.

'Social Media Nightmares' Premiere

Within the past few months I have written a few posts referring to an interview I had been preparing for to be aired on an internationally reaching cable TV channel. I am happy and excited to announce that the show titled 'Social Media Nightmares' aired on E! True Hollywood Stories on Wednesday February 25th at 10:00pm and will soon be linked to my website. I am part of the episode to include several other stories and will be speaking about meeting my attacker Jeffrey Marsalis on Match.com, the sexual assault, rape crisis counseling and trials to follow. My interview airs in the 1st 15 minutes of the show. The Producer that I worked with was and continues to be passionate and supportive of me and the subject of date rape and sexual assault and her commitment to get the story out there was relentless. I am so grateful and lucky to be part of this show which hopes to reach the largest audience yet of all my television interviews.

E! True Hollywood Story 'Social Media Nightmares' Interview

If you're interested in reading my previous posts and thoughts at the time I was contacted, preparing and completing my interview they are 'Never Forget Why' and 'Continued Media Interests'. I am really looking forward to seeing the final product as I don't get the view the edited version until it premieres on TV just like everyone else. Although it's important for my message to reach all ages and genders, this show should reach the more targeted audience that is at risk for acquaintance rape, date rape and sexual assault and the E! channel is prime to reach that audience.

I would very much appreciate if everyone who reads this could share the link. The more people who view the show the greater the chance that a victim of sexual assault can receive the help they need or better yet my story could somehow prevent future victims. An event has also been created on my Facebook page JoAnn Speaks Out that you can Like, Comment and Share.

Prevention is Possible 2.0

...Since I began my full-time mission as public speaker and advocate of sexual assault a year ago I have done my best to keep up on all the latest topic related news, TV and movie releases, legal matters and awareness campaigns. In doing so I have come across a new and exciting trend of prevention tools. Last October I posted Prevention is Possible about four innovative products in development or pre-order stage. Since then four more products have come to my attention. I was impressed by the stories of the inspiration and development of each prevention tool. As part of my own personal awareness campaign I wanted to provide and share the information. Although each is unique in its own way their ultimate goal is to provide prevention and protection against sexual assault.

Good2Go is a mobile phone app for Apple and Android phones targeting college-age adults and described as "the educational app for sexual consent". Its goal is to create a tool to help young adults understand the importance of asking for and receiving affirmative consent before and throughout sexual activity. It is the 1st sexual consent app that I believe to be progressive and invaluable when it comes to ending the He Said/She Said. A line of communication has been opened up between a guy and a girl resulting in consent.

Drink Safe offers the option to guard your own drink by either using their Drink Safe Coaster or Test Kit which detects GHB and Ketamine the most commonly used date rape drugs. It was featured on The Today Show for Spring Break safety. Since my personal story of sexual assault began with a drugged drink I can't express what a lifesaver these tools can be in the prevention of sexual violence.

Charm Safe is also a mobile phone app yet with technology that allows the user to stay connected for quick access to help and support when needed. Their mission is "to empower women to explore the world and connect with people in a safer way." In my opinion it's like having an invisible Buddy. No woman should fear going out and having a good time and this tool provides piece of mind.

Sexual Assault awareness and prevention tools have come a long way in just a few years. They are fulfilling a need we all wished there wasn't but it's all about one less victim.

Click on the links provided below to learn more and support them if you decided to do so.

Good2Go - Mobile Phone App

Drink Safe Technologies - Date Rape Drug Detection

CharmSafe - Mobile Phone App

The Bigger Picture

This past January the University of Virginia announced they would be reinstating the campus fraternity that had been suspended after a Rolling Stone article reported a student was gang raped by member of the Phi Kappa Psi fraternity at a party in 2012. The Charlottesville police investigated the allegations in the article and found "no substantive basis to confirm...the allegations". Then a week later fraternities on campus were allowed to resume social activities on the campus. The school did announce 'New Security Guidelines' are now in place although 3 fraternities said they would not sign on to these guidelines such as Sober Monitors because they have they own security measures.

In light of the most recent news from the Charlottesville Police regarding their investigation results it's so very important not to forget that the Rolling Stone article was quite extensive and uncovered a culture of rape that has been going on for decades. Female students who have come forward in the past experienced mixed message and failures in the university's reporting and punishment systems. This backed up by UVA included in a list of over 80 colleges and universities under investigation for Title XI violations which denies students of their equal rights to education by inadequately handling sexual-violence complaints.

After a thorough investigation by the Columbia University School of Journalism at Rolling Stone's request "Jackie's" claims have been found to be without merit. An apology has been issued by Rolling Stone magazine for their failures and the reporter Sabrina Erdely apologized saying she would not repeat the same mistakes. There are many other female victims who are students of UVA that in the past 20 years who have come forward publicly and spoken out about their campus sexual assaults, the hostility by other students and administrative cover-up. UVA hasn't had a strong feminist culture to support women on campus and up until very recent protests had a very low student attendance for the annual Take Back The Night. Although "Jackie's" story was found to have no merit the reality is there have been many victims of sexual assault on this campus who have not been allowed their voice to be heard or the privilege of due process.

I fear that this particular outcome regarding the fraternities at UVA will overshadow the real issue which is part of a much bigger picture. This university has a lot of work to do when supporting sexual assault victims after they report an attack and to change a culture and objectification of their female students pertaining to their reputation as a "party" school all the way down to the vulgar fight song. Ultimately the Rolling Stone article put a spotlight on what UVA hoped would remain on their quiet southern campus.

As a footnote I would like to add that I have a connection to Sabrina Rubin Erdely. In 2008 she wrote "The Crime Against Women that No One Understands" appearing in Self Magazine. It was an in-depth report on date rape and my attacker Jeffrey Marsalis and in the days when only the Philadelphia and Idaho local media were interested in the case she brought it into the national spotlight. I was not approached by her to be interviewed for the article but I know a few of the women who participated. Ms. Erdely made mistakes with the Rolling Stone article A Rape on Campus but accurately reported on the crimes committed by and victims of serial date rapist Jeffrey Marsalis. I will be forever grateful to her for that reason.

Today Show Report
UVA reinstates fraternity at center of Rape claims

Charlottesville Police Unable to Confirm Fraternity Rape

Wall Street Journal Article
Rolling Stone Retracts UVA Rape Story

Rolling Stone Article
A Rape on Campus: A Brutal Assault and Struggle for Justice at UVA

Self Magazine Article
The Crime Against Women That No One Understands

Trauma-Sensitive Yoga

At a recent CSU Long Beach Survivor Recovery Panel I had the privilege of sitting with 3 other rape survivors, all strong, brave women who worked their way into healthy, productive lives after such heinous assaults. I shared my experience of the event the following day in a blog called 'Many Ways to Heal'. Although I didn't go into much detail at the time because I wanted to do further research on how one of the women found her way into a holistic approach of healing that I thought was important to share with as many as possible. It's called Trauma-Sensitive Yoga and what I believe to be an important alternative to the traditional counseling of talk therapy. I first met Zabie Khorakiwala at UC Irvine's Greek community Peer counselor training. Zabie is a Violence Prevention Coordinator for UCI CARE Center and was running the training group where I was an invited speaker. Until meeting again at the CSULB event I didn't know of her story but as soon as I heard the path she took towards healing and what she's contributed as a result I knew how important it was to spread her message and yoga program.

In May 2007 Zabie went out to celebrate senior sorority night with her other sisters. She was president of her sorority and this would be the last big night out together before finals and graduation. Zabie put her drink down before going into the bathroom but when she returned to the bar and took a sip of the drink she began to feel the immediate effects. She was sexually assaulted that night and describes the feeling of being an out of body experience, knowing what was happening but powerless to do anything about it. 

Zabie stayed in bed for several days following the rape focusing only on her medical needs but knew she had to seek professional attention. Although she called her best friend to accompany her she didn't disclose the reason why she was going to the Student Health Center. Alone in the exam room with the Nurse Practitioner she disclosed details of the rape where at that point the UCI police were contacted. It was then her best friend realized what had happened. Zabie gave her statement to the police but told them she didn't want to pursue further action as she only wanted to complete her plans to graduate and attend grad school and asked them to keep the report confidential.

The next few weeks and months were pressure-filled with school responsibilities, family health issues and the aftermath of a sexual assault and everything that comes with that traumatic event. She stopped wearing makeup, began dressing only in sweats and not taking her final school assignments seriously ultimately hitting a low point. As a result Zabie decided to make an appointment at the school counseling center. After revealing to the counselor her story of sexual assault other personal challenges she was having the counselor responded with 'That really sucks'. Zabie was left with a sour impression of the experience never to return knowing that counselor was ill-equipped. Later in San Diego where she began her new job post graduation but still not feeling well she visited another counselor yet still not finding the correct fit only feeling drained physically after each session. During the rape she described feeling frozen and the talk therapy was only bringing back those feelings without the benefits of a positive result.

Zabie was working at a homeless shelter and befriended two co-workers who talked about yoga, how much they enjoyed the practice and persuaded her to attend that very first class. She remembers feeling nervous while getting ready because it was something so new and unfamiliar. The positive effects were immediate feeling physically in sync and safe and can only describe it as "having her breath back." Following the sexual assault her life was frantic, chaotic and out of control with deep-seeded trauma. Yoga allowed her to be in the quiet of her own mind, be in her own body and leaving it all up to her to have the resiliency to heal. She had a powerful, transforming experience, signing up for a membership going as often as 5 days a week. After moving to Washington DC to attend graduate school she found a yoga studio there and then a new studio when she moved back home to Irvine.

The path to trauma-sensitive yoga began with teacher training at Core Power Yoga in Cost Mesa later followed by a week long training in the Berkshires MA at the Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health. There 150 yoga teachers with 200 & 500 hours training all working with different communities of trauma to include rape crisis center advocates, police, prison employees working on restorative justice. She was finally surrounded by people "who get it" incorporating yoga with other services such as the power of body based treatment and learned how it's different than traditional yoga classes. This practice of yoga teaches how to empower the survivor to move in ways that feels comfortable for them and uses empowerment based language such as: Listen to what your body needs - You are always in control of your practice - I invite you to meet your body and breath where it is today. Other important details to be mindful of are props like straps and candlelight in the yoga studio. Sensitivity adjustments must be made such as no physical assists can be used with survivors only verbal cue's. The goal is to create a safe experience. 

Zabie created her own 8 week program for sexual assault survivors out of this training. She developed an important intake process asking if the survivor is ready to experience the courses intimate practice for the next 8 weeks. Also asking what injuries they may have due to self-harming, for example and are they suffering from anxiety, depression, currently meeting with a counselor and why do they want to participate in the program. At that time the survivor may share what happened to them and what's going on in their life and where they are in the process of healing. Upon completing the 8 weeks it's a transforming experience for the survivor. At the first class Zabie provides each student with a safety jar that they can decorate to help them feel safe and happy. She gives them an intention rock at each class to write what they intend or something they may need more of in their life this allows them to see progress they made and at the last class the jar is brought in so the student can share their journey each other. Survivors have supported each other through the court process, title ix, counseling, law enforcement, how to set boundaries with family and friends, adapt self-care into their life and being intimate again.

She now teaches her program 3 days a week: Tuesdays at the Orange County rape crisis center Community Service Program - Wednesdays at Be The Change Yoga in Irvine and for the UC Irvine students Thursday (8 week course). If you are interested in learning more about Zabie's program please visit her Facebook page or Breathe Network Practitioner page both links provided below.

Zabie is now co-authoring a book and this has been taken directly from her Facebook page.

We can't wait to connect with you and share your stories of inspiration and hope in Transcending Sexual Violence through Yoga: The Book! Has yoga had a powerful impact on your healing process? We would love to hear your story. Email us at alexismarbach@gmail.com and zkhoraki@gmail.com.

Zabie has also published several articles and been interviewed on the subject.

Transcending Sexual Violence Through Yoga

The Breathe Network

Published Articles & Accomplishments & Video
Huffington Post, 'How Yoga Helped Me Transcend Sexual Violence'
Presented at the NSVRC National Sexual Assault Conference - 2012
Elephant Journal, 'Make Any Yoga Class Trauma-Sensitive'
Elephant Journal 'Why Talk Therapy Doesn't Heal Rape Trauma: A Research-Based Profile'
Breathe OC Magazine, 'Transcending Trauma'
OC Magazine, 'O.C. Yoga Class Aims to Help Victims of Sexual Violence'
UCLA, Feminist Magazine, Kickass Women
Rachel Grant Coaching - Wrote 3 blogs featuring specialized posture for home practice:
'Transcending Sexual Violence Through Yoga'
'Yoga Postures to Support Healing for Survivors of Sexual Trauma'
'Embodiment and the Creation for the Soulful Relationship with Your Body'
Pinterest Blog, 'Healer and Trauma-Sensitive Yoga Teacher'
Huffington Post Interview - Yoga: Helping Survivors of Sexual Trauma to Heal
Transcending Sexual Violence Through Yoga: 8 Tools for Teaching Trauma-Sensitive Yoga

Zabie is the perfect example of a woman who wanted to heal so desperately and wouldn't give up until she found what was right for her. Then in an act of selflessness she shared her personal story and the path she took with others in order to help them heal. 

“In the United States, we have built an incredible crisis advocacy response to survivors of sexual violence—sustained by the relentless dedication and unstoppable passion of advocates and volunteers who have put their bodies, minds and spirits on the line in a field that requires a 24-hour day, 365-day year commitment.

 Yet, after the advocacy in the Emergency Room, when the community support group stops meeting or for those who never had the opportunity or the safety to say the words “I was raped” aloud, where do survivors turn next as they navigate this (sometimes) lifelong journey of healing?

 Where do our advocates and educators, who are so often survivors, turn when the trauma they witness daily starts to merge with the trauma they worked so hard to heal, and the line between their trauma and their client’s trauma begins to blur?

It is time we think more creatively, more holistically, more honestly and more intentionally about how to best support survivors in healing; move outside of our standard practices and typical referrals to finally meet the body, mind and spiritual needs of our diverse survivor population.”

– Molly Boeder Harris, Founder & Executive Director of The Breathe Network

Women Who Write

Through my boyfriend Steve I was introduced to a really cool longtime friend of his, Elle. In the year that I've been in LA we've run into each other at many social events. She had mentioned a monthly gathering that I might be interested in attending and thanks to her invitation yesterday was my first Women Who Write event organized and hosted by Vicki Abelson. It was an amazing experience and I can't wait to return next month. 

Women Who Write is a Reading for Women by Women Who Write and occasionally men too. Songwriters are also included among the guest speakers. My first meeting had an impressive lineup of talent: Musician Sheila E., Actor Activist Mike Farrell and Singer/Songwriter James Lee Stanley who so happened to have collaborated with Sheila E. over 30 years earlier.

The attendees are women of all ages from different backgrounds and their writing talents not only include traditional fiction/non-fiction but poetry, self-help, etc. Some have been coming for years and others like me are new to the group. Invitations come from other members. It was a very positive, uplifting, friendly atmosphere and for someone like me who is new to writing a place where I could soak it all in like a sponge. I was able to connect with several women and discuss other writing discussion groups they attend and have already been invited to one. 

The first guest James Lee Stanley has a list of credits a mile long and got up with his guitar to sing several of his songs. Sheila E. spontaneously joined in with shakers he brought with him. Then Mike Farrell got up and told a very inspirational story of his journey as a young man before he started acting. He then read a little from his book. Finally Sheila E. (who I was beyond excited to see) spoke about how she was surrounded by music as a child by her very talented family, how she learned to play percussion from her dad and the beginning of her career. She went on to talk about her current passion project of working with foster children and introducing music and arts back into their lives and the schools in Oakland CA where she was born and raised. She talked about a particular tour that brought her to writing and the emotional personal confrontation of being sexually abused as a child and her own speak out campaign on the subject. 

It was an honor to be there while she shared her path to healing from such a horrific experience. Sheila is a beautiful person inside and out with a relentless positive spirit. I was moved to purchase her book so I could learn more about her life and career. Afterward while she signed my book I shared my story of date rape and how we have a similar speak out and awareness campaign. She had some very kind words for me which I appreciated. I then mentioned how I saw her play in Philly in 1984 and she smiled as that was the very early days of her career.

A day later and I'm still invigorated by my experience of the entire event and look forward to learning from experienced female writers and hopefully improving personally and professionally.

Shelia E. 'The Beat of My Own Drum'

Many Ways to Heal

This week I was invited to and participated in an event at CSU Long Beach. As a part of the UC Irvine Speakers Bureau I received a request to sit on the university's peer education group PAUSE (Prevention Awareness Uniting Students with Empowerment) Recovery Panel as a way to create awareness of sexual assault for the students on campus. I was asked to share my story of being drugged and raped along with 3 other women. Then the audience would be open to questions. 

This was a well organized event with about 100 attendees. If you know anything about these campus events that is quite a large group and considered very successful. I was inspired by the interest among the students. Panelists ages ranged from 20's - 60's and although similarities occurred in our stories we each had individual experiences to share. 

The first speaker was a women who 50 years ago at the age of 15 was raped at gunpoint in her own home while her parents and brother slept in their beds. Her rapist then terrorized her for a year afterwards calling and hiding outside her house. Although the police had been called and conducted an investigation (there were other rapes in the neighborhood that night) it wasn't thorough and he was never caught. She suffered for years and after having seen many therapists her healing came when she finally met a counselor who specialized in trauma. It was then her healing process began and brought her to a place where she can finally speak out.

The next two women in their 20's and 30's were both drugged and raped while they were in college, one at a house party and one out a bar celebrating the end of the semester. Each were in situations where there were others around (friends, party goers, bar patrons) who could have at some point stepped in to help but for some reason did not. Similar to the first woman one had seen many therapists but finally received help from a specialized in trauma counselor and the other survivor although didn't find success in traditional counseling had finally found peace through a holistic healing arts approach specifically yoga. Neither one of these two women had positive experiences with law enforcement and their rapists were never caught. They are now happy one having recently gotten married and one having a sweet new baby who tagged along with her that evening.

Then there was me of course and I shared my story of having met my rapist on Match.com, navigated my way through the legal and counseling process and began my speak out and advocacy campaign not only to help others but to pay it forward. As I listened to each of these amazing women's stories I again realized how lucky I am for having had the support from not just my family and friends but law enforcement, prosecutors and received rape crisis counseling first before working my way through those unqualified for such specialized care. Not one of those three other women was able to say the same which saddens me when I hear it.

Once we completed our speeches the audience asked a wide range of insightful questions and some even stayed afterwards to speak with us. I was proud to be part of an amazing event and meet the other courageous survivors who have moved on with their lives and are too now giving back. One of them said that being raped will always be a part of you but it doesn't have to define you and without having said the words to myself I try to live them every day.

Questioning Legitimacy

With the continuing reports of sexual assault accusations against Bill Cosby made by those victims brave enough to coming forward and the repeated denials and questioning of their legitimacy made by his attorney I wanted to provide my insight as a victim/survivor of a serial date rapist with similar circumstances.

These women/accusers have come under fire by some (public, media, etc) for the delay not only in their reporting of being drugged and sexually assaulted but as the number of victims grows whether or not some are coming forward to capitalize monetarily. I can't tell you how angry this makes me every time I see another statement reported online or on TV or a comment posted on twitter. 

Reporting a sexual assault under what you might call normal circumstances is already extremely difficult. 60% of sexual assaults are not reported to the police. Let's then add in the element of not only having been drugged but your rapist is a very popular, very powerful celebrity. I can speak to what it's like when you wake up in a man's bed naked, sick and confused. Your mind is foggy, you don't remember anything but you know sex had occurred, something that even if you had the opportunity to consent you weren't planning on doing so in the first place. I was extremely ashamed and wanted to get out of his bed and his apartment as soon as possible but had to fight against the extreme pain I was feeling all over my body from the drugs he mixed up and slipped into my drink. I couldn't make sense of anything that had happened and because of that I wanted to forget about it ever happened. I did not tell anyone.

Once I was contacted by the authorities in Philadelphia and made aware of the violent sexual act against me made by Jeffrey Marsalis and so many other women did I gain the courage to speak up and speak out. I knew what initially didn't make sense to me finally did now. As the investigation into my attacker grew larger and was reported in the news many more victims came forward to tell almost identical stories of their sexual assaults. 

This is what's happening with the victims in the Bill Cosby case. The women are coming forward to say he drugged and raped them too. They can't stand back silent any longer. He had a pattern. They don't want to be afraid of his fame and just as the victims in my case felt they want to legitimize the others that came forward ahead of them.

Now I can't speak to the feeling of intimidation that comes along with having been raped by a man with the public stature of Bill Cosby but I can speak to how scary it is to have your private life now so public. To have the picture of your rapist on the news reporting your story and being open up to all sorts of criticism especially when you have never processed what happened to you properly. I listen to these women being interviewed and their words and feelings mirror so many of mine. I have repeated the same words and thoughts over and over to myself. When I hear any sexual assault victim speak I know immediately whether they are truthful. So it infuriates me to hear anyone question a rape victims motives when I know right away they are not lying.

Thankfully you don't have to be a victim/survivor of sexual assault to show trust and compassion towards any sexual assault victims. You just have to be a good human being. That's easy!

RAINN Reports Spike in Hotline Use

More Victim Blaming

Victim blaming is one of the biggest obstacles sexual assault and domestic violence organizations and prosecutors have to overcome. Why is it that with any other crime against a person the victim is not blamed? Burglaries, murders, carjackings, home invasions, muggings I could go on and on but you see where I am going with this and it is that when others stand in judgement or comment it's not directed toward the victim or anything they may have done to provoke a crime committed against them. What makes people so uncomfortable about a women being raped whether be it by a stranger on the street or out on a date or a celebrity or beaten by an intimate partner? Why isn't the first thought or words out of someone's mouth 'Is she OK?' not 'What was she wearing, was she drunk, what did she do to provoke such rage from a man???' 

I have been on the receiving end of victim blaming as a survivor of date rape. I sat in court and listened to my rapists defense attorney sweet talk a jury into believing that because my attacker fabricated his profile on Match.com and lied directly to our faces about his life as a doctor and astronaut we were bitter. He told the jury that bitterness lead to our coming forward and accusing him of drugging and raping us. As much as you know what happened to you is not a lie listening to someone else deflect blame makes you feel very, very small. It is for that simple reason I speak out and advocate because I don't ever want another victim to feel like that.

We have come a long way since the introduction of the Violence Against Women Act was introduced in Congress 20 years ago but unfortunately there is still a long way to go. The recent coverage of the victims of Bill Cosby's sexual assaults I have been watching this week have made me proud of the work done by all the advocates who have come before me. The reporting has been fair telling both sides of the story from the victims point of view and any comment from the accused side until an interview with a victim by CNN's Don Lemon. He questioned her actions during the assault and why she didn't react in a certain, specific way. How dare he??!! Would he pose the question to Bill Cosby as to why he was drugging an raping women?

The backlash for his comments have been swift and viral. Let's continue to call out those who victim blame. It's not OK and it has to STOP!

Online Dating Predators

...Even after all we now know about embellished online dating profiles the predators continue to prey. I was a victim of the Match.com serial rapist whose fabricated online profile mirrored his fabricated life. He specifically created pictures to post on the website to match his made up career and took it to the next level with fake ID's and a staged apartment. He had everything he needed to lure women in to accept "dates" with him and then keep them interested just long enough to drug and rape us.

Numerous documentaries, news reports and over 10 years later men are still using the internet to meet women and victimize them. Most recently a California man Sean Banks was sentenced to 37 years in prison for raping two women he met on Christian Mingle and Match.com and as with my rapist Jeffrey Marsalis he maintained his innocence until the very end. Irrelevant now because both will be spending the next few decades in prison, potentially the rest of their life!

In 2011 a woman sued Match.com after she met and dated a man through the website and was sexually assaulted on their second date. The man had a violent history involving sex assault cases and if the website had a screening program for all members the victim claimed she never would have been violently attacked.

Match.com had released the following statement: "Members should check out safety tips on the site, that it is their sole responsibility for screening other members and that what happens on dates is not the responsibility of the company". This is the same statement released when notified of my attacker Jeffrey Marsalis' numerous sexual assaults using the same website to meet women. It's lame legalese as far as I'm concerned.

The victim was not suing for a monetary settlement, only asking that Match.com screens its members against the sex offender registry. As a direct result of the lawsuit Match.com released a statement that ..."they will agree to check new members against the sex offender registry". Prior to the lawsuit eHarmony already had a system in which they checked the registry and other sites planned on doing so. This is an excellent way of protecting women from registered sex offenders but if the men haven't yet been convicted then it won't catch new offenders. In this case we can only trust our instincts and set up check in times or any other plan a woman feels comfortable with when planning on meeting a man for the first time.

Continued Media Interest

...In October I received an email from Joe Khan (the prosecutor in my case) who continues to field all media requests offered to the victims in the Jeffrey Marsalis case. He had received a request from a producer of a very large entertainment company and television channel. She had done a significant amount of research on Jeffrey Marsalis, his crimes and his victims and was planning on developing an episode/report for one of their programs. She was asking if not only would Joe take part and be interviewed but would any of the victims in the case be interested. Joe's email included a short introduction from him and included a forward of the email he had gotten from the producer so we could read it for ourselves and decide whether we wanted to contact her or not.

I responded to Joe's email thanking him for the information and told him I would be contacting the producer to let her know of my interest and that I would follow up with him. I then drafted an email to the producer to include the other interviews I participated in, what I accomplished so far as a public speaker and advocate for date rape and sexual assault victims and how she could reach me. She called me within just a few hours and we spoke for quite awhile. I was impressed with her knowledge of the case and the many victims and her passion for getting this story out to the public and keeping it relevant. We had an instant connection and she asked if I would like to be interviewed for the show which I eagerly accepted. We discussed details of a preliminary face to face meeting and an approximate shooting date.

Within the next few weeks we spoke several more times via phone and email and met in person once. She filled me in on the format of the show and who she was interviewing and how it would fit in with my interview. I was excited and happy to be part of another program that brings light to date rape and sexual assault and be able to tell my story and spread my personal message to a very large audience and one that fits the important target group I wanted to reach. Yesterday (Monday) was my interview and it went very well. The producer took me through my story of how I met Jeffrey Marsalis online and the details of our "date", the trial, sentencing and my experience with the other victims. She was well prepared, asked excellent questions and made it all very easy for me to say what I needed and wanted to say about my attacker and the subject. I was very pleased with how the day had gone.

On a side note: I had recently written a blog about practicing self-care as a rape survivor and how I hadn't been so good at doing so but I am proud to say I not only began my emotional preparation the day before but planned out my wardrobe, driving route and all the other details I had previously left until just before a speech, podcast, etc. Once I got home I only had a few minutes to decompress as Steve and I had plans that evening but he jumped in and helped me out and I had time to close my eyes and unwind in the car before we arrived to our party.

My experience with what is now my 3rd television interview is not lost on me. I woke up that day feeling grateful for those who were there throughout the entire ordeal but also continue to share along with me the importance of keeping the story alive. I was also feeling thankful for the media who continues to learn of this story years later and wants to broadcast it to their viewers. It is never lost on me how lucky I am. Yes I was a victim of a violent serial date rapist but what I took from it is learning of how many good people there are in this world and that is a very valuable realization...

A Week of Reflection

This Saturday I will be celebrating my 1-year anniversary of moving to Burbank putting into motion a year of expected and unexpected challenges and accomplishments. At the top of that list is this blog as I never imagined not only writing down but posting my thoughts and experiences for everyone to read. It's one of those decisions I made after mindful reflection. BTW if you know me you know I consider the important choices very carefully before acting upon them but once I do I put everything I have into it. So as a result I wanted to reread my first blog post and share it with you again and hopefully to my new followers too.

...I never could have imagined I would be where I am today that week before Christmas 2005. After hanging up the phone I had some idea that things would change but as the week played out it just got bigger and bigger. It’s all occurred to me now as I sit here, almost 3,000 miles from where I grew up, living with a great guy that I met years before in college but never dated. I have everything I ever wanted and then some. What I knew I wanted was to be in a solid, loving, supportive, trusting relationship and what I didn’t know was to start my own business. The path I took to get here was not an easy one and developed out of a single nights encounter with a monster. A man considered to be one of Pennsylvania’s worst date rapists and possibly the worst this country has ever seen.

In March of 2004 I met him on Match.com after reading what I now know was his completely fabricated profile. At the time online dating was still in its infancy and although I knew to be cautious it wasn’t used at the time or known to be for wide ranging “hook ups” and a lot of profile embellishment, that came later. Online dating was so new you would have to take a break from it after a few months because you were seeing the same men pop up during criteria searches. Back then the site features offered secure emails at first, then if you chose to offer your exact email address and phone number those were the steps you took. This is how our communication progressed to a lengthy phone call and plans for a Friday night date. We chose a public meeting spot walked to a bar and chatted and laughed over drinks. The conversation was easy and it was a warm early Spring night so we walked to another bar for an atmosphere change. He had at some point described the rooftop view from his apartment just a few blocks from where we were and moved our conversation there. At that time he asked if I would come down to his apartment and continue chatting. The drink he offered me there was drugged and after taking a sip I have no conscious memory until the next morning waking up in his bed nude, very sick and confused...

Prevention is Possible

...Since I began my full-time mission as public speaker and advocate of sexual assault in January I have done my best to keep myself informed of all the latest news, TV and movie related releases, legal matters and awareness campaigns. In doing so I have come across a new and exciting trend of prevention tools. I did my research on each of them, personally reached out to their creators and promoters and supported their fundraising financially. They have personal stories as to the inspiration and development of each prevention tool. As part of my own personal awareness campaign I wanted to provide and share the information. They are all different types of tools but their ultimate goal is to provide prevention and protection against sexual assault.

First, I became aware of Safelet in June which is a product out of Amsterdam. Safelet is a safety bracelet that can notify your friends and family where you are and that you need help. It allows you to dial an emergency number via Bluetooth connection to your smartphone. It's designed to protect in a situation where you are not able to reach your phone and need to send out an alert fast. There are two types to choose from and currently in the pre-order stage.

The next three prevention tools and what they offer affected me personally as they are specific to drug induced sexual assaults.

I learned about PD.ID which is a product out of Canada. PD.ID is a small battery-operated device that will identify whether a drink has been drugged by dipping the end of it into your drink. If the drink has been altered in any way a small LED light will make an indication. I like that it's small, discrete and reusable. They have recently completed their fundraising campaign.

What caught my attention with Undercover Colors was my love for having continuously polished nails. This product is also discrete as their is nothing uncommon about women having a manicure. This fashion company out of North Carolina is the first working to prevent sexual assault. The nail polish changes color in the presence of date rape drugs. They are currently in the research and development stage.

Finally, we come to DrinkLock out of Washington D.C. It is the world's first and only 'Reverse Coaster'. What was important to me about this product besides the obvious prevention benefits is that it was developed by a male bartender and his personal experience. It's important for the public to know that men can be victims of drugged drinks. DrinkLock doubles as a "Reverse Coaster" mat until the consumer's need of applying the seal in situations such as leaving their beverage unattended. It is currently in the fundraising stage.

Click on the links provided below to learn more and support them if you decide to do so.

SAFELET - The Safety Bracelet

PD.ID - Personal Drink ID

UNDERCOVER COLORS - Nail Polish

DRINKLOCK - Reverse Coaster

Ambien & Sexual Assault

...In early August I was referred to a reporter who was developing a story pertaining to the prescription drug Ambien being used in several sexual assaults by former NFL player Darren Sharper. This reporter wanted to speak to victims/survivors who had been drugged and raped to help in his development of the story. As always I am thankful when the media wants to put a spotlight on any sexual assault cases and eager to help in any way that I can.

I was well aware of this particular case being brought against the former football player not to mention sickened and saddened by the fact that rapists are finding newer and easier ways to victimize women. Ambien is prescribed by doctors as a sleep aid but in the mind of a monster it can be used to violate and sexually assault their prey. I wasn't sure what the reporter would need from me but I contacted him immediately and he called shortly thereafter to discuss his developing story and my experiences. Although my personal knowledge of any Ambien related sexual assault cases was none I had a number of resources to tap into that may be aware of victims willing to speak about their assaults. The reporter provided me with the specifics of his report and investigation and I got started emailing my contacts locally and nationally.

The responses came very quickly and all offered some form of assistance. Most didn't have first hand knowledge of sexual assaults being facilitated using Ambien but they were all aware it was a growing form of date rape drug and had plenty of their own references and contacts to offer me and pass along to the reporter. It was satisfying to know that although the victims of this type of assault are not widespread or leading to an epidemic type level those who need to know are on the forefront and doing their best to educate. I only wish the same was happening 10 years ago before I was drugged and raped. At 37 years old and someone who then and now stays well-informed of local, national and world news the subject was barely a whisper and certainly not enough for me to suspect the men with whom I was going out on dates may spike my drink.

Date rape awareness campaigns for college students or adult women & men frequenting bars and parties are everywhere in the news and the drugs being used by offenders up until recently were bought on the streets or mixed up at home as was with my case. Only now Ambien, an easily obtained prescription for anyone complaining of insomnia or trouble falling asleep, opens up an entirely new can of worms. For now the reporter continues to work on this story and as soon as it's complete I will share it.

I hope with this blog I have made one person aware today who was not yesterday about this particular subject and they can pass it along to someone else. If it can prevent just one person becoming a victim I will be satisfied.

Inspired by Another Survivor

...Back in April I had participated in the first annual Lace Up for RAINN Virtual 5k. After completing the walk I tweeted my picture and participation proudly and as a result I connected with another survivor on Twitter that also participated and who has now become a very good friend. Although separated by thousands of miles, 3 times zones and have never met face to face those things don't matter. We have a bond that is having been sexually assaulted. Not only that but we each spoke out, contacted law enforcement and sought counseling by those specifically trained to deal with our issues. Dana is also a blogger, advocate but in addition a talented musician (something we do not share). 

After exchanging just a few tweets we became instant friends and communicated frequently about what we were each doing to try and make a difference. Our stories are different as she is a survivor of childhood sexual assault and mine is being drugged and date raped as an adult. This does not matter because the big picture goals are the same. We each have something to offer the other since on one side I have been speaking for several years and on the other she began blogging and journaling long before I decided to put my words in black and white. We can share everything from accomplishments to setbacks and frustrations and consult one another on our goals when necessary. Not since meeting the other Jeffrey Marsalis victims and becoming friends with Kristen have I felt this comfortable with someone but with Dana she and I get up every day and work on our missions. I am thankful to have her as a friend.

Which brings me to launching my blog. It hadn't even been on my radar until a few months into JoAnnSpeaksOut but after getting more familiar with Twitter and advocacy work it seemed like the natural progression. Steve had a blog and was encouraging me to get one started saying it was the perfect way to get my message out to the masses and hopefully turn it into something bigger. Then once I met Dana and began reading her blog it put my creativity and motivation on the fast track. Also once the college semester was over and my contacts would be on their Holiday breaks I would have more time to devote to writing. This was new territory for me and I wanted to focus as much attention to it as possible.

My story has a beginning, middle and end (unlike the majority of rape victims) so when I first wrote my speech that's the path I took and logically I would write the blog that way but I had no idea what it was going to do for me personally. Each day I sat down at my desk to write another piece of the story thoughts and perspective that I never knew I had flowed out onto the computer screen. I think it was because I had the opportunity to break it down to the tiniest details in addition to have the perspective that time offers you. This all began 10 years ago for me so that's a lot of time to have thoughts bouncing around in your head. I was now also 2,500 miles away living in a new town, a new home with a new life. It was almost as if I could now step outside of myself and look in to what I experienced. As the days past and the posts were written I realized that I liked what I was doing, could say everything I was thinking and even share a bit of the funny side to it.

I want to thank all my blog readers and let you know I appreciate each and every one of you for taking the time to read what I have to say and hope you continue to enjoy my posts...

If you are interested in Dana's story and her blog go to AfterSilence87