A Civil Matter

As I woke up this morning and to began contemplate the subject for my blog post I started checking my JoAnnSpeaksOut email, Facebook and Twitter accounts. There it was right in front of me more negative comments from @This_iz_Stupid. Let's first go back to my post from February 8th "A 'Life' Sentence - No Other Option" in which I wrote convicted rapists (child or adult) should only ever receive a Life sentence. There is no rehabilitation for rapists which explains why the Sex Offender label was created and added to rapists sentences. Rapists leave prison and they rape again. I spoke about my own personal experience with my attacker, Jeffrey Marsalis, and how he not only believed he did nothing wrong but his attorney used the classic 'victim blaming' defense stating his multiple victims were bitter and angry for having been lied to by him about his fabricated medical career, background, etc. The prosecutors, detectives and victims all knew that if he was ever to be released from prison he would rape again.

I received a tweet from @This_iz_Stupid saying "rape isn't as bad as murder, murder is the only crime that should be life". This resulted in support from several of my friends (both child rape victims) tweeting back at the anonymous account to the effect they must not be a victim and if they never experienced an assault how do they know. I responded with a comment stating how rape changes a victims life forever in the same manner a murder victim's family is changed forever. Other supportive comments included "statistics always show they don't stop." 

What led me to this post was another tweet this morning from @This_iz_Stupid saying he/she?? "grew up with a b*tch step mom trying to take my dad's money with false rape accusations. (You could tell it was false cuz she wanted $4.5 mil)". Then @ROYALMRBADNEWS favorited the tweet. This was the last straw for me so I decided to not respond at all to the tweet but to use my words constructively. 

First, how does @This_iz_Stupid know for a fact that his/her step mom was falsely accusing his/her dad? Victims of sexual violence can all too well relay the stories of their attackers having a Jekyll & Hyde type personality. Sexual predators can portray themselves one way in public and another way behind closed doors. 

Next, the civil lawsuit does not immediately place a lack of credibility on the accuser. In the case of Jeffrey Marsalis (my attacker) there were dozens of victims who came forward to tell very similar stories of having been lured in by his charm and fabricated identity and the circumstances of their rape encounters with him. A prosecutor has to consider many different factors before moving forward with a rape case not to mention there is a statute of limitations on sexual assault. It is not uncommon for victims to decide to bring forth a civil suit against their attacker instead of going forward with a criminal trial. This does not alone make their accusation in-credible.

Finally, why does the public not blink twice when a murder victims families pursue a civil lawsuit to obtain justice for their loved one when the criminal trial doesn't have the proper outcome? The family only wants justice and will seek it any way that they can and rightly deserved I might add. My personal experience with seeking justice allows me to understand exactly what they are going through. Just as with a murderer or rapist receiving a Life sentence for their crimes a rape victim should be able to receive justice in a civil lawsuit the same way a murder victim's family does without judgement and criticism. 

Questioning Legitimacy

With the continuing reports of sexual assault accusations against Bill Cosby made by those victims brave enough to coming forward and the repeated denials and questioning of their legitimacy made by his attorney I wanted to provide my insight as a victim/survivor of a serial date rapist with similar circumstances.

These women/accusers have come under fire by some (public, media, etc) for the delay not only in their reporting of being drugged and sexually assaulted but as the number of victims grows whether or not some are coming forward to capitalize monetarily. I can't tell you how angry this makes me every time I see another statement reported online or on TV or a comment posted on twitter. 

Reporting a sexual assault under what you might call normal circumstances is already extremely difficult. 60% of sexual assaults are not reported to the police. Let's then add in the element of not only having been drugged but your rapist is a very popular, very powerful celebrity. I can speak to what it's like when you wake up in a man's bed naked, sick and confused. Your mind is foggy, you don't remember anything but you know sex had occurred, something that even if you had the opportunity to consent you weren't planning on doing so in the first place. I was extremely ashamed and wanted to get out of his bed and his apartment as soon as possible but had to fight against the extreme pain I was feeling all over my body from the drugs he mixed up and slipped into my drink. I couldn't make sense of anything that had happened and because of that I wanted to forget about it ever happened. I did not tell anyone.

Once I was contacted by the authorities in Philadelphia and made aware of the violent sexual act against me made by Jeffrey Marsalis and so many other women did I gain the courage to speak up and speak out. I knew what initially didn't make sense to me finally did now. As the investigation into my attacker grew larger and was reported in the news many more victims came forward to tell almost identical stories of their sexual assaults. 

This is what's happening with the victims in the Bill Cosby case. The women are coming forward to say he drugged and raped them too. They can't stand back silent any longer. He had a pattern. They don't want to be afraid of his fame and just as the victims in my case felt they want to legitimize the others that came forward ahead of them.

Now I can't speak to the feeling of intimidation that comes along with having been raped by a man with the public stature of Bill Cosby but I can speak to how scary it is to have your private life now so public. To have the picture of your rapist on the news reporting your story and being open up to all sorts of criticism especially when you have never processed what happened to you properly. I listen to these women being interviewed and their words and feelings mirror so many of mine. I have repeated the same words and thoughts over and over to myself. When I hear any sexual assault victim speak I know immediately whether they are truthful. So it infuriates me to hear anyone question a rape victims motives when I know right away they are not lying.

Thankfully you don't have to be a victim/survivor of sexual assault to show trust and compassion towards any sexual assault victims. You just have to be a good human being. That's easy!

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