A "Life" Sentence - No Other Option

The other day I read a tweet posted and a link from a BBC News report regarding a child rapist who died in a Scottish prison. The gentleman who tweeted our the story also added his personal opinion of "that's where they all should die". (Jan L Frayne @Beyond_Survivor)

If you have followed my story and read my blog I have stated the same fate should fall upon all rapists. The only sentence a rapist should receive after a conviction is a "Life" sentence. There is no rehabilitation for a rapist of any kind (child or adult). Most have been repeat offenders before they are ever caught and stand trial. Then once they serve out their imposed sentences they return to society to repeat their crimes of sexual assault, the very reason the sex offender label was introduced into the legal system. They need constant monitoring once released because simply stated there is no cure for a rapist.

My own experience with serial date rapist Jeffrey Marsalis and the research I have done since his arrest, trials and sentences allows me to make such a statement. He raped dozens of women before me and dozens of women after me and his violent reckless behavior was only escalating. There is no telling what he would have done if not for his final arrest in Idaho and the investigation by the Philadelphia Special Victims Unit and District Attorney's office as a result of what was revealed from the search of his apartment there.

I am not only speaking for myself but for many of his other victims that I met during and was finally able to have intimate conversations with after Marsalis' convictions. We didn't feel safe and were concerned for the safety of other women who may be potential future victims if he didn't receive a significant prison sentence and sex offender status. Our ultimate goal though was for him to receive a "Life" sentence and none of us were going to stop until that happened. We were also very lucky to have an amazing team of detectives and prosecutors with the same drive and passion for that goal too. Jeffrey Marsalis (as with many rapists) didn't think he did anything wrong and his defense team used the "blame the victim" strategy during all 3 of his trials which reaffirmed what we wanted as far a sentencing. We all knew that when or if he got out of prison he would rape again period!

When I tell my story on college campuses, to victims advocates, television and radio interviewers I don't hesitate to say once I reveal his Life sentence conviction that he will never walk the streets again and  the next time I 'see' him it will be to dance on his grave. It may seem callous to some but as a victim of Jeffrey Marsalis and witnessing first hand how he not only affected my life, my family's and friend's lives and his other victims as a result of his heinous, predatory crimes it's not so callous after all. He will never hurt another woman again and if it could be one of my wishes it's that all victims of sexual assault get to feel as safe as I do now from their attackers.

Prison is the only place for a rapist and a Life sentence is the only punishment option.

Below is a link to the story that inspired this blog.

BBC News Report

Continued Media Interest

...In October I received an email from Joe Khan (the prosecutor in my case) who continues to field all media requests offered to the victims in the Jeffrey Marsalis case. He had received a request from a producer of a very large entertainment company and television channel. She had done a significant amount of research on Jeffrey Marsalis, his crimes and his victims and was planning on developing an episode/report for one of their programs. She was asking if not only would Joe take part and be interviewed but would any of the victims in the case be interested. Joe's email included a short introduction from him and included a forward of the email he had gotten from the producer so we could read it for ourselves and decide whether we wanted to contact her or not.

I responded to Joe's email thanking him for the information and told him I would be contacting the producer to let her know of my interest and that I would follow up with him. I then drafted an email to the producer to include the other interviews I participated in, what I accomplished so far as a public speaker and advocate for date rape and sexual assault victims and how she could reach me. She called me within just a few hours and we spoke for quite awhile. I was impressed with her knowledge of the case and the many victims and her passion for getting this story out to the public and keeping it relevant. We had an instant connection and she asked if I would like to be interviewed for the show which I eagerly accepted. We discussed details of a preliminary face to face meeting and an approximate shooting date.

Within the next few weeks we spoke several more times via phone and email and met in person once. She filled me in on the format of the show and who she was interviewing and how it would fit in with my interview. I was excited and happy to be part of another program that brings light to date rape and sexual assault and be able to tell my story and spread my personal message to a very large audience and one that fits the important target group I wanted to reach. Yesterday (Monday) was my interview and it went very well. The producer took me through my story of how I met Jeffrey Marsalis online and the details of our "date", the trial, sentencing and my experience with the other victims. She was well prepared, asked excellent questions and made it all very easy for me to say what I needed and wanted to say about my attacker and the subject. I was very pleased with how the day had gone.

On a side note: I had recently written a blog about practicing self-care as a rape survivor and how I hadn't been so good at doing so but I am proud to say I not only began my emotional preparation the day before but planned out my wardrobe, driving route and all the other details I had previously left until just before a speech, podcast, etc. Once I got home I only had a few minutes to decompress as Steve and I had plans that evening but he jumped in and helped me out and I had time to close my eyes and unwind in the car before we arrived to our party.

My experience with what is now my 3rd television interview is not lost on me. I woke up that day feeling grateful for those who were there throughout the entire ordeal but also continue to share along with me the importance of keeping the story alive. I was also feeling thankful for the media who continues to learn of this story years later and wants to broadcast it to their viewers. It is never lost on me how lucky I am. Yes I was a victim of a violent serial date rapist but what I took from it is learning of how many good people there are in this world and that is a very valuable realization...

It was Worth It

...The prosecutor stood up and began by asking me the basics, name, etc. for the record. He then took me through the circumstances of how I met Marsalis, meeting via Match.com, speaking on the phone and planning our date. He asked things such as what I thought as I spoke with him on the phone and when we finally met face to face. He walked me step by step through that evening including where we went, our conversation, what and how much we drank. He asked that I describe what I was thinking as the evening progressed and if I liked him and what, if any, was the potential of a future date based on my initial feelings. All of this was for purposes of showing that Marsalis fabricated his identity to me and he was using this false information to charm me into trusting him. It also showed that Marsalis used a similar if not exact plan when he was meeting and luring women using Match.com for the purpose to ultimately drug and rape us.

We then got to the part of the evening where I was going to have to describe in open court and to a room full of strangers the most embarrassing story I was ever going to tell. Joe took me through those details slowly and it was difficult but somehow I got through it knowing this was for something much bigger than just me and how I felt.

Next it was the defenses turn to ask questions and guess who stands up? His female attorney! Now once I had time to reflect on this much later it was obvious why he had a male and female defense team. That reasoning being so not to have the male attorney look insensitive when questioning the victims. Well let me tell you it backfired on me because the more time I took answering her questions the more strength I gained. It was like a revelation. I had so little respect for her personally that it made it easier for me. In my mind I was thinking "who do you think you are?" There is no way I should be afraid of a woman who defends rapists. She actually kept the number of questions for me brief which threw me off a bit when she said she was done, but great the fewer questions the better.

Then, unexpectedly, the judge turned to me and said she had a couple of questions. They were very basic, she was really nice and thanked me when she was done. I was told that would be it for the day, got up and the bailiff escorted me out of the courtroom. One of Joe's associates followed me out and told me I did great. Of course I wasn't feeling great but I didn't have to do that again for a long time and that was a good thing. Now I had to get back to work and try to get on with my day.

The next day I had taken off from work but had lunch plans. I got up and out to Wawa again to buy the newspapers so I could read their reporting. It was really weird to see your own words in print related such a sensational new story. I had just pulled into the restaurant parking lot when Joe Khan called me as he had news regarding my testimony. He said I did really well and the judge found me credible and held over my charges against Marsalis for trial. I was very happy. Up until that point I was unsure what the respected powers that be would think and I had my answer. He gave me an idea when the trial could be scheduled and said we would speak again in a few weeks regarding preparation for it. But there was going to be a lot more I would have to do to get ready for trial...

Waiting is the Hardest Part

...We had been sitting there for about an hour and I could see activity with the prosecution team as they would go in an out of the courtroom. The hearing was scheduled to begin at 9:00am but it was way beyond that time. The prosecutor, Joe Khan, came up to give me the first of many updates I would be receiving that day. He said the defense team had been filing some motions and the judge was hearing them and Joe was arguing them. The end result was the hearing would now begin at Noon. As I stated in my last post I would be one of the last women to testify so I was in for a long day. Joe said they would go back to their offices and return before then and asked if I needed anything. Ever the planner I had brought a book and snacks to eat and drink so I decided to stay there and read. I was told in the days leading up to the hearing they didn't know how long we would be there so I made sure I had something to occupy my brain and stomach. I needed to keep as clear a head as possible and hunger would not be a good thing. Most everyone else left so I sat enjoying the quiet especially after what I had unexpectedly experienced earlier walking off the elevator onto the floor where the courtroom was.

At about 11:00 or 11:30 everyone started trickling back into the hallway and the busyness began again. Most of the prosecution team, all the detectives and media entered the courtroom while the victims and a few of Joe Khan's associates stayed out in the hall. There was a small room outside of each of the courtroom doors which were on both sides. It had a table and 4 chairs and was used by the attorneys to have private conversations with their clients prior to entering court. This was used throughout the day as a place where the victim and their family/friends were brought just prior to them testifying. One by one each victim would be called into the courtroom.

A few vivid memories of that day really stick out in my mind. #1 being how long it seemed that each victim stayed in there to testify. It seemed as if the other victims waiting, including myself, looked at their watch each time one of us went in and then would look at each other as time seemed to tick by as if it was taking too long. Almost as if we were trying to prepare ourselves but didn't know what was becoming obvious to us, that testifying wasn't going to go as quickly as we had hoped. Not only that but, vivid memory #2 was how dramatic and emotional the exit was of each victim leaving the courtroom. The doors seemed to be pushed open with as much force as humanly possible so as to get out of there as quickly as possible. They were each crying uncontrollably and being surrounded by their loved ones. Joe's associates would take them aside and do the best to console them. Which I can tell you from experience was kind words of support and how good we performed on the stand. I am not going to lie this was really getting scary. Not only that but time was ticking away and the clock was approaching 6:00pm which is unheard of for a court session. I would soon be given some devastating news...

Independence Day

With today being July 4th I wanted to talk about what it means to me in relationship to my life specifically our police and criminal justice system and the law. We can all agree that our Founding Fathers set up a template that we have had to amend as society evolves whether it be for good or evil. Many of the oldest rape crisis centers in this country were founded in the early 70's as women began to stand up, speak out and support rape victims. Rape and sexual assault protection laws have come a long way since then and even more so in the past 10-20 years for example the rape shield law which protects the identity (name and image) of a victim from being publicized and her past sexual history from being examined.

In my particular case the attack occurred in Philadelphia, a very large city with a budget for a special unit within the district attorney's office. Many large cities in the US have this unit along with their police departments having dedicated detectives for their special victims units. Unfortunately, the further you go from each major city in this country the less specially trained prosecutors and detectives they have to assist victims of sex crimes. As a result the cases can not be handled as best as they could if it occurred somewhere else. 

This brings me to one of the many reasons I do what I do today. That is to speak out against rape and sexual assault and advocate for those victims who did not receive the best representation. The more I speak out the better chance for conversations to be started in places it may not have in the past. Therefore when the next victim walks into a hospital or police station reporting an assault she or he will be examined by a SANE nurse, have an advocate from the local rape crisis center there to hold her or his hand, a detective trained in the proper way to take the victims statement without any judgement and then a district attorneys office that can take the case and prosecute it to the best of his or her ability. 

I believe I am on the right path and know this is possible. That's why I do it. I am a proud American and know deep down I live in a country where what I say and do makes a difference.

It's Getting Real

...I walked into the lobby of a beautiful, historic building in center city Philadelphia where the District Attorney and her ADA's offices were. It is for lack of a better word an awesome experience and the magnitude of what I was about to do wasn't lost on me. Giving my statement to the detective and pressing charges is one thing but taking the next step to meet with the ADA and move forward with the case towards trial is multiplied by a thousand. This, among a nearly infinite number of reasons, is why sexual assault and rape victims after they have given their statement to the police do not move forward to trial. Telling a detective about the assault is difficult enough but then reviewing your case in detail with the man or woman who is going to stand up in court, defend your story as a victim and accuse your attacker of a crime changes things. Not to mention the fact that you will have to get on the stand, repeat a traumatic, personal incident then look directly at the man that attacked you and accuse him in front of a courtroom full of people and the judge is beyond scary and stressful. These thoughts loomed over me until the preliminary hearing was finally over.

The meeting with Joe Khan and his associate involved a range of emotions. I was embarrassed repeating the details again. I simply can't describe what it feels like to say it aloud the first few times. They were sensitive as they asked questions and explained that the more I told them the better. There were a shocking number of similarities in each of the victims stories and that was to be a large part of the prosecution's case as a significant number of the cases were he said/she said. This was also the time they would give me the information as to how the case was going to proceed and what the court process would involve for me. There would be a preliminary hearing scheduled (later I would find out the date to be October 31st Halloween) and at that time the prosecutor would present his case to include the victims, one of them being me. I would be called to the stand, sworn in then answer questions directed to me first by the prosecution and at some point I would be asked to identify my attacker. Then the defense would be able to ask me questions. I was given advice as to how I could handle the pressures and uneasiness I might feel. Among other things they told me plenty of associates from the DA's office would be in the courtroom gallery to show support and assist in my not feeling along up there. This to me was somewhat comforting because I was not planning on bringing anyone with me for support. It would be easier that way and I still had to figure out a way to tell the closest, most important people in my life (mom, brother, best friend) about the date rape and my choice to press charges and testify in court. That would be my next step but I certainly took my time before taking it.

We completed our conversation, all questions on both sides were asked an answered and Joe told me he would be checking in with me periodically with information. He said although I would receive official notices from the court in the mail I would get the news from him first. I walked out the door and realized Yes! this is happening and then practiced avoidance for more than half a year until my time was up and I had to tell my loved ones...

Not So Fast

...During my interview/statement with Detective O'Malley I learned a lot about the developing case against my attacker and the upcoming January 2006 trial where he would stand accused of drugging and raping three women. Remember these were the charges in which Marsalis skipped bail and fled to Idaho only to rape again and that ultimately brought me into the investigation. Up until now I had only spoken with one person from the Philadelphia ADA's team and not him directly. The reason is there are certain steps that have to be taken when there is a possibility of a case going to trial. One being a victim's statement is given to the police first and then it's passed along to the district attorney's office so they can build their case for trial. 

I received a call from the ADA who had been working on all cases related to Marsalis' victims. His name is Joe Khan and I would soon learn what a brilliant, passionate attorney he was and dedicated to getting Marsalis convicted and put in prison. He is a kind and gentle man too. Just the right balance for someone dealing with victims of such heinous crimes as rape, sexual assault and domestic violence. It was because of his tireless efforts, everyone working in the Family Violence and Sexual Assault unit of his office along with the many detectives of Special Victims that it would make my involvement in this process just a little bit easier. In the months and years to come during the preliminary hearing and trial process Joe Kahn would earn status as my hero and many of the other victims. When I called he picked up the phone personally, remembered me immediately and would start right in on any discussion of case details I was calling about. He worked nights and weekends, I know this because I would receive calls from him during these particular hours. 

So Joe Khan called me in late January with good and bad news. First the bad news, Marsalis was acquitted on all charges brought against him by those three women BUT the good news was because, in part, of my statement and charges brought to police the detectives walked into the courtroom after the verdict and re-arrested him. I was told he was completely shocked and angry. That made me smile a little. Hey I would take those tiny victories every chance I got! He was taken back to jail to await the next preliminary hearing. Of course bail wasn't even an option since he had not only violated his previous bail agreement but committed the same crime again. Joe told me that I would be testifying at a preliminary hearing later that year (date TBD) and he would continue to be in contact with me as the details unfolded. Now it was time for he and I to meet face to face so we could review my statement given to the detective and he could ask me questions as part of the pre-trial preparation. He reassured me that his associate would be in the office with us, the one I originally spoke with a month earlier, and they would do their best to make me feel as comfortable as possible. We set the appointment, he gave me directions and said good-bye.

This would be another step in the marathon trial process...

The Call that Changed my Life

...The next year and half I had changed jobs and made some new friends there and continued to date online using Match.com on and off. In December 2005 I had been dating a guy for about two months although I liked him the signs were there that he was losing interest in me. It was a Friday night and as I sat in my bedroom talking to him on my cell phone I could hear my land line ringing in the kitchen and a message being left on the answering machine. When I finished up my conversation I went in to replay a message by an ADA from the Family Violence and Sexual Assault Unit of the Philadelphia District Attorney's Office. She left no details but asked that I call her back at my earliest convenience. I can laugh about this now almost 9 years later but the first thought that popped in my head was "oh my god who do I know that needs my help?" (Really JoAnn it's you they're calling about!!!) I wrote down the information and made sure I put it aside to take to work with me Monday morning so I could call their office first thing.

I got to work Monday morning settled in at my desk and made the call that would change my life forever. The ADA asked if I knew a Jeffrey Marsalis, which I had to think about because it was a year and a half ago, it was just the one date and remember I decided I would forget about it so until that moment I hadn't thought about him in all that time. Once I confirmed the information she asked me how I knew him and I explained our one date and nothing else. She began to tell me why she was calling me, their investigation and how they came upon my name and personal details. As if a damn had burst the memories or lack thereof from that evening and weekend came back to me, the painful sickness I felt for two days after and the confusion I felt knowing I hadn't intended on or consented to having sex with him at all that night. The missing pieces to the puzzle from that night were all being put into place. I hadn't drank too much, was so violently ill and didn't consent to having sex because he drugged and raped me. Needless to say I forget where I was and lost control of my emotions. I couldn't stop crying. The ADA was kind, patient and understanding. She consoled me as best she could. She said she didn't want to upset me further and just had a couple more quick questions. (I would find out a few days later that the call to me was one of many made to Marsalis' victims as part of their investigation. She ended the call by asking if I would be willing to talk to an SVU detective from the Philadelphia Police Dept and give a statement because they were working together on the case. I said of course and was provided with the Units phone number and told anyone who answered would be able to help me.

After hanging up the phone the first thing I did was get to the ladies room quickly for some privacy as I didn't want to make a scene in my very large office and was still crying pretty heavily. My friend who sat in the cubicle across from me was on my heels and thankfully the bathroom was empty. I told her about the call, the date, everything. I had only been at the company for a year so we weren't friends when this originally happened. She did her best to console me enough that I could get back to my desk. It was barely 9:00am and I had an entire day of work ahead of me not to mention the call I had to make to SVU. They were expecting my call which made it easier once they picked up the phone and I told them who I was and why I was calling. They asked if I preferred a male or female detective, to me it didn't matter but this would be my first experience with the compassion they showed to me throughout the process. I scheduled my appointment for Thursday. It was 6 days before Christmas and already a hectic week. My next call was to my Dr for a blood test prescription to include all sexually transmitted diseases. I would do that on Friday which was supposed to be a day off for a long holiday weekend but the reality was setting in that my life would be changing. I gave myself a pep talk and mentally said I had to suck it up and get over it. Sticking my head in the sand wasn't an option for me. Meeting with the detective was going to be important and I wanted to have all the details I possibly could to provide them as part of the criminal case against my attacker. So for the next 3 days I would be doing a lot of thinking...