Spreading the Message

Most recently I began working as an 'extra' for TV & movies and it has not only been a '10' on the scale of cool but the people I'm meeting and working with have been inspiring as well.

I should really explain first how I got into doing this type of work. As some of you well know I moved to LA in late 2013 to start the next chapter of my life with my boyfriend Steve and also begin JoAnnSpeaksOut. Steve has a successful podcast where he interviews anyone and everyone in all aspects of the entertainment industry not to mention he also has a comedy and writing background along with many of his friends working in TV & movies in front of and behind the camera. I have always been a huge fan of television and movies and a self described addict watching hours and hours of both. Steve encouraged me to look into doing extra work for fun and I liked the idea because it's flexible and would fit around my busy schedule. 

Another reason I was interested is that I have always lived my life for the experiences. I am not afraid to try new things even if I only do them once which includes traveling the world by myself, trying out as a Philadelphia Eagles cheerleader and many others that I won't go into now. After the Jeffrey Marsalis trials were over, I knew he was safely behind bars for Life and my counseling was completed successfully the drive and determination for me to never regret "NOT" doing something was even more prevalent. I have been known to say that I will not lay on my death bed replaying my life and thinking of the things I didn't do but only the things I did.

So even though I'm only a few weeks into this new work I have been deeply moved by the responses to my answering the questions 'What is it that you do?' and 'What brought you to working as an extra?' Because extra work brings people from all different backgrounds, ages, places in the world everyone has an interesting story to tell and there is a natural curiosity to learn about those you will be working with for what could be long hours. I answer the question by being brief and straight to the point "I'm a speaker and advocate for sexual assault awareness". This brings a multitude of reactions but NEVER a negative one. Some ask if it's due to a personal experience, some ask that I elaborate on where and how I work and spread my message, others have taken me aside to discuss the subject or ask me a lot of questions or my opinion on the latest news topics surrounding sexual assault. In the past few days a young girl opened up to me about her assault and counseling and an older gentlemen offered contact information for the family crisis center where he volunteers as a math/physics tutor when I asked him while elaborating they really need someone like me to come in and speak there. Finally a young guy told me of a smart phone app he has developed to help women in an emergency situation so I gave him my card and offered to share that information in a later blog when he was ready to market it.

At the kickoff for SAAM (April 1st) I felt it fitting that I share the positive experiences I've had in such a short period of time spreading the message of sexual assault awareness to such a broad audience. This is the best outcome I could ever wish for as part of my JoAnnSpeaksOut mission. All the victims, survivors, advocates and activists want is for people to start talking about the subject as if it was any other topic to be discussed. the time is way past due to bring it out of the shadows and raise the voices above a whisper when the words rape, date rape, sexual assault are spoken.

I think we are there and I couldn't be more excited about the future because if everyone starts talking about it the victims can begin to heal the perpetrators can be arrested and prosecuted and shame can be a thing of the past.

Getting The Message Out

...Last week I had the honor and privilege of speaking (as I do each semester) to the Victimology class at University of Pennsylvania. I very much enjoy speaking to this bright, attentive group of students who always ask thoughtful, insightful questions.

Following the speech, after the students left class Dr. Kathleen Brown and I had a conversation regarding the importance of a specific focus in my speech which is to seek counseling after being the victim of a date rape/sexual assault. Her students are part of the Nursing program at the university and know frequently victims are encouraged to get medical attention and report to law enforcement but the discussion is less focused on counseling and therapy.

Dr. Brown also shared with me her recent involvement with the growing epidemic of human trafficking and the healing process for those victims. We talked about the latest obstacle to overcome is getting the message out to sexual assault victims. The message inclusive of, what type of help is out there and how much there is available. We agreed there is a need to figure out an efficient way to get the information to the victims. We have so many outlets (internet, social media, even the medical community and law enforcement involved, etc.) to get the resources available to the victims but have yet to figure out the best way to do so.

This is not the first time I have considered the issue. In an effort to promote my public speaking and advocacy I am trying to figure out new and innovative ways to get my message out. What groups of people can I get to tell my story to that have the ability to influence others? I spend endless hours each week researching and using whatever means possible to connect to those in a position of power. If I can email, tweet, message the right person I can start a domino effect that ends in expanded awareness. 

I feel we are all in this together fighting for awareness and as victims, survivors, advocates, counselors, concerned humans our voices are loud and strong. If anyone has an idea to share with me or wants to team up we can heal those victims of sexual violence so they can ultimately lead long, healthy lives...just as I did.

Never Forget Why

...Yesterday I had a conversation with someone interested in telling my story and it reminded me why I started on this path in the first place. Even before the public speaking and before the counseling it all began with that 2 hour interview at the Special Victims Unit in Philadelphia and Detective O'Malley. As he took my statement walking me through meeting Jeffrey Marsalis and the horrible night that changed my life forever, he informed me of the previous accusations in which he drugged and raped other women and the current growing investigation that I was part of I became more and more angry. I learned of the horrific details of the rapes he committed before and after I met him and how I was right in the middle of it. At the end of the interview I was asked if I wanted to press charges and my answer was "Hell Yes!". It was also at that moment where I made a vow and commitment to myself.

As time passed and I moved through the preliminary hearing, the two trials and the counseling I learned more about myself and what were positive steps towards my healing process. I made the decision to speak out and tell my story to advocates and college students so I could share my experiences in hopes of helping other rape victims come forward and heal. I also wanted what happened to me to serve as an awareness and prevention tool. Then once I began my advocacy campaign my mission broadened until that conversation last night and it hit me I should never forget why I started all this and a very positive reality check.

What I don't ever want to forget is that Jeffrey Marsalis is a rapist with no sense of remorse. If given the chance he would rape again. Although he was sentenced to 21 years in a Pennsylvania Prison and upon his release he will be transferred to an Idaho prison where he will serve out a Life sentence. There is the potential for Parole after 15 years which I'm told is highly unlikely due to his status as a sex offender and the large number of victims. If parole was granted he would be approximately 70 years old. In order for that not to happen its important to keep his name and the vicious crimes he committed and all the lives he's negatively affected in the news for as long as possible. As long as the public and those part of the justice system are reminded of his numerous acts of drugging and raping women he committed over many years the less likely he will be granted parole out of sympathy for his advanced age at the time. 

Many of his victims did not or could not speak out for what are very complicated reasons only known to those having been sexually assaulted. Many of his victims who did come forward found the charges brought against him on their behalf to have a jury decide on acquittal. All of these factors do not lessen the validity or impact of his attacks on all the women unlucky enough to have met and "dated" Jeffrey Marsalis. He is considered one of if not the worst date rapists in this country and I will stay committed to my promise that December 22, 2005 to do whatever it takes for however long it takes to put him in prison and keep him there for the duration of his life...

Media and Promotion

...June was a really good month for me in terms of expanding my public speaking and advocacy horizons. 

First I received an email from my colleague at Strength United who had gotten a request from a production company with a documentary show in development. They were looking for sexual assault survivors like me who had gone through with the legal process and comfortable talking about my experience. Just like with Primetime Crime and Very Bad Men I was glad to hear about any media exposure of awareness for rape and sexual assault. Instead of being interviewed in front of the camera I would serve as a consultant behind the scenes that could assist them with navigating through questions they had for parts of the layout of the show. I thanked Ann for the reference and contacted the show's producer immediately. We had a very nice conversation as he informed me of what they had planned for the show and I filled him in on what the past 10 years had been like for me. I was then given all the details over the phone which was followed up with an email of the agenda for their day of filming. That day I met other brave victims/survivors and advocates and we all shared our stories with each other. Many times you learn the overall experiences are similar. When this happens I feel comforted in knowing sadly it's not just me dealing with those thoughts and feelings. I also met with the entire show staff. These people were amazing and supportive and very appreciative of the time we donated that day. We all felt good about the direction of the show and confident the project will be successful. I am bound by a confidentiality agreement at this point but will share more once I know the show will air on TV.

Then Steve had interviewed an agent for his podcast and he relayed my story and what I was doing to him. His guest generously offered to have me contact him because he knew of the perfect woman (an Agent) that I could get in touch with for advice, etc. Securing an agent was on my list but before I did that I had several other things to accomplish first before doing so including a website I was proud of and building up my resume a bit more which I had been doing thanks to speaking I had done in the LA area and the podcast's. It was the perfect time to get to that item on the Expanding my Business list. So I contacted the agent letting her know how I was referred to her and gave her everything she needed to know about me and what I was doing. She responded very quickly and filled me in on a new business venture she was involved in that her friend wasn't even aware of yet. It was called Girls Fight Back a "Sassy Self Defense Guide" which offers practical and empowering options for young women to learn violence prevention and self-defense. She kindly offered to meet with me and I very much appreciated her taking valuable time out of the day to do so. We met for about 45 minutes and she provided me with advice for my website, promoting myself and my business and a lot of other information that I couldn't wait to take home and implement. I was grateful!

Next and in my never ending research to learn all I can about the business I was in and how to get my message out there with as much exposure as possible with respectable organizations I continued to reach out to women's only organizations. Who better to know how to run a female business and promoting themselves than women who have done it before. I found a great organization call Women's Media Center who offers a database of experience, talented women from all backgrounds to the media specifically looking for this demographic. Since I had television and radio interview experience I jumped at the chance to complete the application and submit it. This could open a lot of doors in which to get my message out to even more audiences. I very proudly received my acceptance a week later and all the information I needed to know as a part of their database of women. I was flattered an excited to be part of a prestigious group of women and looking forward to the doors it will open for me.

Six months into JoAnnSpeaksOut and I was off to a good start if I may say so myself!!...

If you're interested in learning more about the organizations I mentioned below are the links:

Girls Fight Back

Women's Media Center 

Developing Perseverance

...In late may I received a message from a mutual Twitter follower 'You Can Persevere'. They were publishing a book about people with perseverance stories and asked if I would want to share mine. I was extremely excited for the opportunity and flattered by the request so I responded with my acceptance and asked them for the details. They provided me with the number of words required, deadline date and who to submit the story. I had only written my story as part of a speech so I started with that document and began the editing process to fit the parameters they gave me. This was a chance for me to get my story to potentially a much broader audience than my speeches or even the podcast's had provided me. Not only that I had been thinking/planning to write a blog telling every detail of my life beginning from meeting my rapist on Match.com. Although I had some ideas and was making notes here and there when thoughts popped into my head I was apprehensive to get started because I had never blogged before and the only other writing I had done were business proposals called RFP's. Writing this story submission would be just what I needed to get my feet wet and kick my motivation into high gear. I had a fairly short deadline which was fine with me because I had done a lot more with much less time. 

My speech has several versions each one slightly different and tailored to the audience, whether it be college students or advocates not to mention the cover page for my emails used when contacting universities, rape crisis centers and other organizations offering my speaking services. I sat down with all of these documents and pieced them together to create one plus included anything additional I felt it needed to get my story of perseverance across to the readers. I finished it in one day but set it aside and slept on it one night to review again the next day. To my detriment most times I am a thinker and when left with quiet time my mind races but since I began this mission of public speaking, advocacy and blogging I have learned to use it in a positive way. I woke up the next day and made a few adjustments before giving it a final read and then asked Steve to read it and provide his opinion and any comments. He is after all a comedian which makes him by default a writer and has been doing it for decades. I value his opinion and advice especially when it comes to this area of expertise. Once I received his seal of approval I attached it to my contacts email and hit send. It was a great feeling and I couldn't wait to see what would come of it in the final product of a book. As of yet there is no publication date in which I am anxiously waiting and just with the Primetime Crime and Very Bad Men interviews I look forward to see how it comes out.

This story submission was another big step for me. Starting a new business on my own is scary and I continually question if I am doing the right thing. Is my message reaching enough people? Will it really grow into what I hope it to be? I'm not afraid to say that without validation I don't know if it's worth it to continue and for how long. This particular story request would launch me into the next phase which is the blog and if that went well I had even bigger plans in the works...

Getting Back to Business

...As much as I enjoyed Part 1 & 2 of my visit back home when I got back to LA (my new home now) there was a lot of work to do. I had my first meeting scheduled with the Director of Strength United only a few days later. It was then that I was asked to join their organization as a speaker and with short notice invited to attend and speak at an advocates meeting that Saturday. This would be a group of students who attend CSU Northridge and volunteer to either monitor the rape crisis hotline or to accompany victims when giving statements to the police and/or getting a rape kit examination. They had yet to have a survivor speak at one of their meetings and the director thought it would be a valuable step in their learning and experience process. It's also always a good thing for me to hear other stories of victims and survivors.

Next I had to add the missing pieces to my website which were the recording of my speech to the Penn students and a logo. For the time being I would post the raw video footage but I wanted to get it edited down at some point. The video was an important part of my website because it added validity to it and as I was reaching out and trying to make contacts they would have a sample of my work to reference. The logo was a bit more challenging for me even more so than designing my website. I was completely out of my element here and didn't know who to hire but I had received an email solicitation a few weeks earlier and then a follow up email from a graphic designer so I googled her and checked out the reviews and took a chance and hired her. This next part was fun because she had a questionnaire for me to fill out so I could narrow down what I wanted and didn't want. Within days I received 4 samples, picked the one I liked and asked her to adjust it a bit and settled on the one you see now. I was extremely happy with the results and surprised how easy it was.

April was right around the corner with a very busy month planned as it is Sexual Assault Awareness Month and I had several requests from colleges to speak at their Take Back The Night (TBTN) events. In the 2nd week of April I would attend the UCLA Clothesline Project speak out and two weeks later I would be the keynote speaker at the CSU Long Beach TBTN event. Just a few days prior I had a meeting with the CARE Director/Counselor for the UC Irvine. This meeting also went very well as she invited me to be a part of their speakers bureau. In just four months I had made a lot of progress and couldn't have been happier. When I started this adventure in January I had no idea what success I would have with it and how long it would take to achieve but by the end of April I had my answers.

My general outlook on life is positive, it was how I was raised but don't get me wrong I had setbacks and rejections. My first real one was a response to an RFP I submitted to be a keynote speaker for the NOVA National Organization for Victims Assistance yearly conference. I let it bring me down a bit for an afternoon but snapped out of it and moved on by the next day. I was later told by a experience professional in the field and one familiar with this conference that they receive many more times the requests than they have the limited speaking opportunities so I felt a little better about not being chosen. I didn't have time to wallow in self pity anyway because May and June would prove to be pivotal...

Homecoming

...My first visit home actually turned into a two-part event. I had originally booked a flight home for the 2nd weekend in March to celebrate my mom's 70th birthday, have dinner with all my friends, etc. then I was asked to speak at Penn 1 week earlier which turned out to be a very busy 4 days. I flew in Saturday afternoon just in time to attend a fundraiser my brother had planned for my nephew's crew team at a local micro-brewery (Flying Fish) which happens to be my most favorite. It was a great success and I got to see all of his friends who after so many years of hanging out at my brother's house became my friends too. Sunday I made plans with my best friend Renee to visit another friend who had surgery that rendered her immobile only months after having a beautiful baby girl. We brought Lunch and food that they could reheat later and spent the day catching up. 

All weekend there was a snowstorm forecast to arrive Sunday into Monday which was the day of my speech. It had been an awful Winter back East with storm after storm and I wasn't going to be so lucky as to escape it by moving to LA. As it turned out the forecast continued to downgrade to about an inch and classes were not cancelled so the plans went on. My mom and I tested the recording equipment and off we went to Penn. The former unit chief prosecutor on my case was there and now after speaking together twice we collaborated on how to best present to the class. I went first with my mom in the front row and all the anxiety I had in the past that I built up in the end didn't result in my breaking down. I simply didn't look at her but at the class. Yet another challenge in my recovery and progress met with success. Chris Mallios went next then we sat down together at a table together and took questions. After class he offered me some very valuable advice regarding my speaking skills which I was extremely grateful for and used in future speeches. I look forward to seeing him again this Fall and thanking him personally.

I left on a flight Tuesday, the next day only to return the following Monday night. I would be visiting until Saturday this time and what I thought would be enough time to fit everything in didn't even come close. Mom gave me some visitors passes to her gym and we worked out together. No matter where I am even on vacation I always fit in a workout. I did get to have Brunch with Renee one day then Mom and I met her friend for Sushi the next night. I have known him since I was about 12 and we always have fun when we get together. Thursday was the big reunion with all my girls. I miss them a lot. Friendships that begin in adulthood are so different than the ones in youth. We have all been through so much together as a group and even though we keep in touch texting, facebook and by phone it doesn't replace getting together in person for parties, milestones, drinks and dinners. 

The next night was my mother's big birthday dinner. She chose the restaurant, a new favorite of hers that recently opened up by one of the country's top chefs. We are a Foodie family and I was looking forward to eating from the creative menu. They would also custom design a birthday cake of your choosing so that was our surprise to her. My niece came home from college for the weekend and we were all together. It was really the only present she asked for and was very happy. 

I woke up the next day and it was already time to go home. My flight was scheduled for the afternoon. I had been staying the week with my mom and stepdad so we relaxed around the house in the morning visiting until it was time to go to the airport and say good bye again. It doesn't get any easier no matter how many times you do it. I had only been gone 6 months so this whole thing was new to me. Getting off the plane for the first time to visit my hometown, not going to my condo as I had rented it and someone else was living there, not having my car or the gym I had worked out at for so many years were all so surreal to me. It felt a little off to me the entire time.  I had to accept being a grown up, get used to it and go back to my life in LA. Great things were happening and I deserved to enjoy them...

New Year, New Career

...So I had never started my own business before or worked for myself in any capacity. I was entering into a brave new world. The good thing was I had ideas and a plan beginning with putting a press kit together. First I would reach out to the professor at Penn and the counseling director at Stockton College for reference letters. They both replied immediately and were happy to provide me with one. While I was waiting to receive those I drafted my new resume. This one would be specific only to my speeches, media, volunteer work and education related to my story of date rape as my previous career achievements were irrelevant. I was surprised as to how much I accomplished in 5 years when it was only something I was doing on the side. Next I had to get professional head shots done to be used in the press kit, twitter page and later my website so I booked an appointment with a photographer Steve had used and liked. 

Now that all of those parts were moving it was time to get on twitter but before I did that I had to create a name for my company and a mission statement. This wasn't all that hard because since the beginning I talked about what that was in my speech. It was simple and JoAnnSpeaksOut was born. I created my twitter page and was ready to become familiar and start connecting with other people and organizations who shared the same mission as mine of awareness and advocacy. I worked on it every day learning as much as I could and it was starting to pay off slowly.

In the meantime I had to get my information out there so I could start booking speeches. Thankfully research was a key part of many jobs I had in the past and that skill was going to come in very handy. Moving not just to a new area but another coast left me unfamiliar with the many colleges, universities, rape crisis centers and organizations I would need to contact. The good news there was no shortage of them and I took my other business skill for creating spreadsheets and began filling it with names, email addresses and other pertinent information to refer back to later. Then I drafted an introduction and began my email campaign. I was feeling very satisfied and productive, something that had eluded me for a long time in the course of a work day. My research was not only paying off but the information would then lead me into other directions that I didn't even know existed. I was also getting some responses which validated what I was doing was working. 

The next big challenge was the website. I knew what I wanted and how I wanted it to look which was a good thing but didn't know how I would get to my end result. First I had to make sure the JoAnnSpeaksOut domain was available for purchase which it was so I snapped it up from GoDaddy and called for advice on website design. The told me my options and what it would cost and since everything else involved with my venture was new to me I figured why not design the website myself using one of their templates of course. I had no creative talent to speak of but what I did have was a vision and ideas and I took that as far as I could. Weeks later and countless phone calls to customer service I launched my website and even received a few compliments.

I am not ashamed to say that I was really proud of myself. Everything I had been doing so far was for the first time but the difference, I wasn't scared or apprehensive nor did I second guess myself. What drove me every day is that I committed myself to helping others and all the hard work I put in every day was for my benefit. I no longer worked myself to exhaustion for someone else's profit. The first few months of JoAnnSpeaksOut I had overcome obstacles and challenges but I finished my day feeling satisfied unlike any other time in my work life. This from someone who NEVER thought she could work from home and for herself. I'm living proof that you can do what you never imagined you could...

Independence Day

With today being July 4th I wanted to talk about what it means to me in relationship to my life specifically our police and criminal justice system and the law. We can all agree that our Founding Fathers set up a template that we have had to amend as society evolves whether it be for good or evil. Many of the oldest rape crisis centers in this country were founded in the early 70's as women began to stand up, speak out and support rape victims. Rape and sexual assault protection laws have come a long way since then and even more so in the past 10-20 years for example the rape shield law which protects the identity (name and image) of a victim from being publicized and her past sexual history from being examined.

In my particular case the attack occurred in Philadelphia, a very large city with a budget for a special unit within the district attorney's office. Many large cities in the US have this unit along with their police departments having dedicated detectives for their special victims units. Unfortunately, the further you go from each major city in this country the less specially trained prosecutors and detectives they have to assist victims of sex crimes. As a result the cases can not be handled as best as they could if it occurred somewhere else. 

This brings me to one of the many reasons I do what I do today. That is to speak out against rape and sexual assault and advocate for those victims who did not receive the best representation. The more I speak out the better chance for conversations to be started in places it may not have in the past. Therefore when the next victim walks into a hospital or police station reporting an assault she or he will be examined by a SANE nurse, have an advocate from the local rape crisis center there to hold her or his hand, a detective trained in the proper way to take the victims statement without any judgement and then a district attorneys office that can take the case and prosecute it to the best of his or her ability. 

I believe I am on the right path and know this is possible. That's why I do it. I am a proud American and know deep down I live in a country where what I say and do makes a difference.