Most recently I began working as an 'extra' for TV & movies and it has not only been a '10' on the scale of cool but the people I'm meeting and working with have been inspiring as well.
I should really explain first how I got into doing this type of work. As some of you well know I moved to LA in late 2013 to start the next chapter of my life with my boyfriend Steve and also begin JoAnnSpeaksOut. Steve has a successful podcast where he interviews anyone and everyone in all aspects of the entertainment industry not to mention he also has a comedy and writing background along with many of his friends working in TV & movies in front of and behind the camera. I have always been a huge fan of television and movies and a self described addict watching hours and hours of both. Steve encouraged me to look into doing extra work for fun and I liked the idea because it's flexible and would fit around my busy schedule.
Another reason I was interested is that I have always lived my life for the experiences. I am not afraid to try new things even if I only do them once which includes traveling the world by myself, trying out as a Philadelphia Eagles cheerleader and many others that I won't go into now. After the Jeffrey Marsalis trials were over, I knew he was safely behind bars for Life and my counseling was completed successfully the drive and determination for me to never regret "NOT" doing something was even more prevalent. I have been known to say that I will not lay on my death bed replaying my life and thinking of the things I didn't do but only the things I did.
So even though I'm only a few weeks into this new work I have been deeply moved by the responses to my answering the questions 'What is it that you do?' and 'What brought you to working as an extra?' Because extra work brings people from all different backgrounds, ages, places in the world everyone has an interesting story to tell and there is a natural curiosity to learn about those you will be working with for what could be long hours. I answer the question by being brief and straight to the point "I'm a speaker and advocate for sexual assault awareness". This brings a multitude of reactions but NEVER a negative one. Some ask if it's due to a personal experience, some ask that I elaborate on where and how I work and spread my message, others have taken me aside to discuss the subject or ask me a lot of questions or my opinion on the latest news topics surrounding sexual assault. In the past few days a young girl opened up to me about her assault and counseling and an older gentlemen offered contact information for the family crisis center where he volunteers as a math/physics tutor when I asked him while elaborating they really need someone like me to come in and speak there. Finally a young guy told me of a smart phone app he has developed to help women in an emergency situation so I gave him my card and offered to share that information in a later blog when he was ready to market it.
At the kickoff for SAAM (April 1st) I felt it fitting that I share the positive experiences I've had in such a short period of time spreading the message of sexual assault awareness to such a broad audience. This is the best outcome I could ever wish for as part of my JoAnnSpeaksOut mission. All the victims, survivors, advocates and activists want is for people to start talking about the subject as if it was any other topic to be discussed. the time is way past due to bring it out of the shadows and raise the voices above a whisper when the words rape, date rape, sexual assault are spoken.
I think we are there and I couldn't be more excited about the future because if everyone starts talking about it the victims can begin to heal the perpetrators can be arrested and prosecuted and shame can be a thing of the past.
Showing posts with label Victim. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Victim. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
DVAM: A Look Back
Last Friday brought an end to Domestic Violence Awareness Month and I wanted to look back at what was accomplished in terms of promotion and awareness. The NOMORE organization teamed up with current and former NFL players along with celebrity directors to create a PSA that is being played during Monday and Thursday night football games and during the Sunday games. I personally witnessed the ad being aired in a football stadium during a recent Sunday game. These men stood up to say #NOMORE opening up the dialogue on a subject that has rarely been part of a general topic of discussion.
In the past few months Hotlines have been flooded with phone calls and staffs had to be increased as a result of not only the awareness campaigns but the light shined on this horrible act of interpersonal violence. Largely in part after the video of Ray Rice beating his then fiance now wife in an Atlantic Casino elevator. As I had written in previous blogs this put a face on something that was for the most part kept behind closed doors and not talked about by the victims. Suddenly the media was talking and sharing their outrage and the public was weighing in too. Some very successful women including Meredith Vieira told their personal story of domestic violence and everything she went through emotionally and physically while being victimized. This allowed many victims to come out of the shadows and reach out for help.
Then in late August the NFL made sweeping changes to their Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault punishment policy taking a very vocal stand saying it's not OK. Today Ray Rice and his lawyers will begin the process of appealing his punishment essentially turning back the clock. His argument being that he was punished initially by the NFL with a suspension and then received a 2nd punishment after the policy was changed. If this is his idea of turning a corner and repenting it's not the way to go about it.
From what I've learned about domestic violence abusers and as a victim/survivor of a serial date rapist, even after serving their punishments the abusers go back to their abusive ways. In my opinion no punishment for these offenders is long or harsh enough. What we do have in our favor is our voices. I've learned throughout my healing process that my voice along with the many supporters of family, friends and advocates is very powerful and I will use it for however long and far it will take me to stop violence against women (& men) for good!
In the past few months Hotlines have been flooded with phone calls and staffs had to be increased as a result of not only the awareness campaigns but the light shined on this horrible act of interpersonal violence. Largely in part after the video of Ray Rice beating his then fiance now wife in an Atlantic Casino elevator. As I had written in previous blogs this put a face on something that was for the most part kept behind closed doors and not talked about by the victims. Suddenly the media was talking and sharing their outrage and the public was weighing in too. Some very successful women including Meredith Vieira told their personal story of domestic violence and everything she went through emotionally and physically while being victimized. This allowed many victims to come out of the shadows and reach out for help.
Then in late August the NFL made sweeping changes to their Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault punishment policy taking a very vocal stand saying it's not OK. Today Ray Rice and his lawyers will begin the process of appealing his punishment essentially turning back the clock. His argument being that he was punished initially by the NFL with a suspension and then received a 2nd punishment after the policy was changed. If this is his idea of turning a corner and repenting it's not the way to go about it.
From what I've learned about domestic violence abusers and as a victim/survivor of a serial date rapist, even after serving their punishments the abusers go back to their abusive ways. In my opinion no punishment for these offenders is long or harsh enough. What we do have in our favor is our voices. I've learned throughout my healing process that my voice along with the many supporters of family, friends and advocates is very powerful and I will use it for however long and far it will take me to stop violence against women (& men) for good!
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Practicing Self-Care
...I wanted to go over an important part of sexual assault recovery that I had become aware of only this year and until just recently began practicing myself. Although I received professional help on a regular basis from a trained rape counselor and am certain this was worked into my treatment I don't ever recall the term Self-Care being used by my counselor Laura from WOAR. Once I was accepted into the RAINN Speakers Bureau, thoroughly reviewed their website and documentation provided and connected with other rape crisis centers and organizations on Twitter did I see that phrase and study what it meant. I also began reading blogs by other victims/survivors of sexual assault who discussed the topic as part of their own recovery.
Good Self-Care is especially important for survivors of rape and sexual assault and part of the healing process and in my situation, as I discovered, still necessary over 10 years later. There are two central areas which are physical and emotional. Physical self-care includes Food, Exercise, Sleep and Medical Care and Emotional self-care is much more involved but can include Counseling, Journaling, Meditation and Relaxation Exercises and choosing the type of people you spend your time with and support they provide you. This is just an overview and I have provided a link below to the RAINN website which provides more details and information.
Although I was drugged and raped 10 1/2 years ago, received and completed counseling and sought justice through the courts I have written many times in my blog that I am still healing as I reach certain milestones and achieve certain accomplishments. In the past 5 1/2 years I have publicly given speeches and told my story to many groups. It's only this year that the frequency of those speeches has increased because I am now giving them on a full-time basis. I am also no longer living alone but now with my boyfriend and he began to point out my conduct before and after my speeches. My "freak outs" prior to leaving the house and my mood once I returned home were blatantly obvious to Steve as atypical behavior for me. I realized that before a speech I'm not particularly nervous and thought my anxiousness was because of a wardrobe issue. Then thinking back to all those previous speeches and my feelings of exhaustion hours afterward it was like a light bulb going on over my head. Every time I tell my story it takes a small emotional toll on me. I spent several years in which it was a part of my every day life and always at the front of my brain. That went away once the trials were over and the counseling concluded but I should have had the presence of mind to know this is a part of me and who I am and will always be there in some capacity.
Then I decided to continue to tell my story because it felt good to do so and I was in my own small way on track to help other victims. While doing that and telling my story I was bringing up painful memories and complicated emotions and not taking care of myself after which should have been common sense but clearly too obvious for me to see. What I thought was since I felt good during and immediately following a speech but once the adrenaline rush went away I was left with the painful memories. Now that I knew what was wrong I could fix it.
I am happy to say that the speech I gave 10 days ago went much differently. I prepared myself better prior to and took care of myself following the event. I thought it important to share this particular experience.Since victims and survivors are finding their way through the many stages of healing and as many of us (I wish it to be all) move on to have very healthy successful lives there will always be obstacles and challenges we need to meet head on and overcome. I'm living proof it can be done!
Practice whichever part of Self-Care works for you because no one knows what's best for us better than ourselves.
RAINN Self-Care for Survivors
Good Self-Care is especially important for survivors of rape and sexual assault and part of the healing process and in my situation, as I discovered, still necessary over 10 years later. There are two central areas which are physical and emotional. Physical self-care includes Food, Exercise, Sleep and Medical Care and Emotional self-care is much more involved but can include Counseling, Journaling, Meditation and Relaxation Exercises and choosing the type of people you spend your time with and support they provide you. This is just an overview and I have provided a link below to the RAINN website which provides more details and information.
Although I was drugged and raped 10 1/2 years ago, received and completed counseling and sought justice through the courts I have written many times in my blog that I am still healing as I reach certain milestones and achieve certain accomplishments. In the past 5 1/2 years I have publicly given speeches and told my story to many groups. It's only this year that the frequency of those speeches has increased because I am now giving them on a full-time basis. I am also no longer living alone but now with my boyfriend and he began to point out my conduct before and after my speeches. My "freak outs" prior to leaving the house and my mood once I returned home were blatantly obvious to Steve as atypical behavior for me. I realized that before a speech I'm not particularly nervous and thought my anxiousness was because of a wardrobe issue. Then thinking back to all those previous speeches and my feelings of exhaustion hours afterward it was like a light bulb going on over my head. Every time I tell my story it takes a small emotional toll on me. I spent several years in which it was a part of my every day life and always at the front of my brain. That went away once the trials were over and the counseling concluded but I should have had the presence of mind to know this is a part of me and who I am and will always be there in some capacity.
Then I decided to continue to tell my story because it felt good to do so and I was in my own small way on track to help other victims. While doing that and telling my story I was bringing up painful memories and complicated emotions and not taking care of myself after which should have been common sense but clearly too obvious for me to see. What I thought was since I felt good during and immediately following a speech but once the adrenaline rush went away I was left with the painful memories. Now that I knew what was wrong I could fix it.
I am happy to say that the speech I gave 10 days ago went much differently. I prepared myself better prior to and took care of myself following the event. I thought it important to share this particular experience.Since victims and survivors are finding their way through the many stages of healing and as many of us (I wish it to be all) move on to have very healthy successful lives there will always be obstacles and challenges we need to meet head on and overcome. I'm living proof it can be done!
Practice whichever part of Self-Care works for you because no one knows what's best for us better than ourselves.
RAINN Self-Care for Survivors
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