Continued Media Interest

...In October I received an email from Joe Khan (the prosecutor in my case) who continues to field all media requests offered to the victims in the Jeffrey Marsalis case. He had received a request from a producer of a very large entertainment company and television channel. She had done a significant amount of research on Jeffrey Marsalis, his crimes and his victims and was planning on developing an episode/report for one of their programs. She was asking if not only would Joe take part and be interviewed but would any of the victims in the case be interested. Joe's email included a short introduction from him and included a forward of the email he had gotten from the producer so we could read it for ourselves and decide whether we wanted to contact her or not.

I responded to Joe's email thanking him for the information and told him I would be contacting the producer to let her know of my interest and that I would follow up with him. I then drafted an email to the producer to include the other interviews I participated in, what I accomplished so far as a public speaker and advocate for date rape and sexual assault victims and how she could reach me. She called me within just a few hours and we spoke for quite awhile. I was impressed with her knowledge of the case and the many victims and her passion for getting this story out to the public and keeping it relevant. We had an instant connection and she asked if I would like to be interviewed for the show which I eagerly accepted. We discussed details of a preliminary face to face meeting and an approximate shooting date.

Within the next few weeks we spoke several more times via phone and email and met in person once. She filled me in on the format of the show and who she was interviewing and how it would fit in with my interview. I was excited and happy to be part of another program that brings light to date rape and sexual assault and be able to tell my story and spread my personal message to a very large audience and one that fits the important target group I wanted to reach. Yesterday (Monday) was my interview and it went very well. The producer took me through my story of how I met Jeffrey Marsalis online and the details of our "date", the trial, sentencing and my experience with the other victims. She was well prepared, asked excellent questions and made it all very easy for me to say what I needed and wanted to say about my attacker and the subject. I was very pleased with how the day had gone.

On a side note: I had recently written a blog about practicing self-care as a rape survivor and how I hadn't been so good at doing so but I am proud to say I not only began my emotional preparation the day before but planned out my wardrobe, driving route and all the other details I had previously left until just before a speech, podcast, etc. Once I got home I only had a few minutes to decompress as Steve and I had plans that evening but he jumped in and helped me out and I had time to close my eyes and unwind in the car before we arrived to our party.

My experience with what is now my 3rd television interview is not lost on me. I woke up that day feeling grateful for those who were there throughout the entire ordeal but also continue to share along with me the importance of keeping the story alive. I was also feeling thankful for the media who continues to learn of this story years later and wants to broadcast it to their viewers. It is never lost on me how lucky I am. Yes I was a victim of a violent serial date rapist but what I took from it is learning of how many good people there are in this world and that is a very valuable realization...

Practicing Self-Care

...I wanted to go over an important part of sexual assault recovery that I had become aware of only this year and until just recently began practicing myself. Although I received professional help on a regular basis from a trained rape counselor and am certain this was worked into my treatment I don't ever recall the term Self-Care being used by my counselor Laura from WOAR. Once I was accepted into the RAINN Speakers Bureau, thoroughly reviewed their website and documentation provided and connected with other rape crisis centers and organizations on Twitter did I see that phrase and study what it meant. I also began reading blogs by other victims/survivors of sexual assault who discussed the topic as part of their own recovery. 

Good Self-Care is especially important for survivors of rape and sexual assault and part of the healing process and in my situation, as I discovered, still necessary over 10 years later. There are two central areas which are physical and emotional. Physical self-care includes Food, Exercise, Sleep and Medical Care and Emotional self-care is much more involved but can include Counseling, Journaling, Meditation and Relaxation Exercises and choosing the type of people you spend your time with and support they provide you. This is just an overview and I have provided a link below to the RAINN website which provides more details and information.

Although I was drugged and raped 10 1/2 years ago, received and completed counseling and sought justice through the courts I have written many times in my blog that I am still healing as I reach certain milestones and achieve certain accomplishments. In the past 5 1/2 years I have publicly given speeches and told my story to many groups. It's only this year that the frequency of those speeches has increased because I am now giving them on a full-time basis. I am also no longer living alone but now with my boyfriend and he began to point out my conduct before and after my speeches. My "freak outs" prior to leaving the house and my mood once I returned home were blatantly obvious to Steve as atypical behavior for me. I realized that before a speech I'm not particularly nervous and thought my anxiousness was because of a wardrobe issue. Then thinking back to all those previous speeches and my feelings of exhaustion hours afterward it was like a light bulb going on over my head. Every time I tell my story it takes a small emotional toll on me. I spent several years in which it was a part of my every day life and always at the front of my brain. That went away once the trials were over and the counseling concluded but I should have had the presence of mind to know this is a part of me and who I am and will always be there in some capacity.

Then I decided to continue to tell my story because it felt good to do so and I was in my own small way on track to help other victims. While doing that and telling my story I was bringing up painful memories and complicated emotions and not taking care of myself after which should have been common sense but clearly too obvious for me to see. What I thought was since I felt good during and immediately following a speech but once the adrenaline rush went away I was left with the painful memories. Now that I knew what was wrong I could fix it.

I am happy to say that the speech I gave 10 days ago went much differently. I prepared myself better prior to and took care of myself following the event. I thought it important to share this particular experience.Since victims and survivors are finding their way through the many stages of healing and as many of us (I wish it to be all) move on to have very healthy successful lives there will always be obstacles and challenges we need to meet head on and overcome. I'm living proof it can be done!

Practice whichever part of Self-Care works for you because no one knows what's best for us better than ourselves.

RAINN Self-Care for Survivors