NOVA Conference Workshop

A few months ago after submitting for the 2nd year in a row I was chosen to conduct a workshop at the annual (National Organization for Victim Assistance) NOVA Conference. I was excited, honored, nervous among many other adjectives since this was going to be my first workshop. It's content would be me sharing my story of date rape, the legal process, counseling and life following from a victim's point of view to an audience of professionals mostly made up of victim's advocates.

The 41st NOVA Conference was held in Dallas this year and it would be a whirlwind 2 days for me flying in on Tuesday afternoon to check in, get acquainted, on Wednesday attend other workshop/events, then it would be my turn to speak. We were set up at the beautiful Intercontinental Hotel with the entire Ballroom floor and I was surrounded by other attendees wherever I went feeling right at home with all these compassionate people who understand me and what I've been through. 

Wednesday morning was a Victim's Tribute with speakers who had impressive resume's and numerous awards. There was song and dance presented by two very talented women and a father from MADD who lost his precious son to a drunk driver and shared his story and memories. I had a chance to briefly speak with him after as his son & have the same birthday which immediately made me feel connected to him. The event ended with a beautiful candlelight ceremony that represented all categories of victim's and their survivors.

Then I went back to my room to mentally prepare for my speech which was scheduled from 1:00-2:30 pm. The previous day I scouted out my room/venue to become familiar with the layout so I knew what I would be walking into that afternoon. This workshop would be the longest time frame to fill since I began speaking over 6 years ago but although anxious it would allow me to share many details I sometimes can't due to time constraints. As the 1:00 hour approached I gathered up the few materials I had along with myself and made my way down to The Spectrum room.

Before entering my room I was greeted by my assigned volunteer, a lovely woman, who was going to take care of distributing my presentation handouts to the room full of participants prior to my speech and as they departed handing out the Workshop sticker for the conference booklet so the attendees could document each one completed. The room was nearly full and as I set myself up it approached capacity just before I began speaking with a few joining in the minutes after I started. The room was perfect for the type of workshop I was running which was me telling my story and no use of the AV or Flip chart provided. It was intimate and filled with an estimated 75 NOVA members. 

After introducing myself and laying out what my objectives were for the workshop I began telling my story and filled it with as many specifics as possible hoping there was something in it to benefit each and every participant somehow. During particular high and low points of the details I shared the group would react which I found very comforting. They were in this with me from start to finish and I liked that very much. I remember looking down at my watch to get a sense of where I was in time and an hour had passed by seemingly effortlessly. At this point I could reassess how to bring it all together leaving 15 minutes for Q & A. These were much different questions than posed to me by college students welcoming the challenge to answer them efficiently. 

Relieved and satisfied when it was over I was greeted by many thanking me for telling my story and others sharing stories of their own or asking additional questions. They were an amazing group of women and men making me feel as if I contributed positively to the subject which was my only goal. I took a moment to accept my success for having done something new and different that I ultimately enjoyed. 

Before leaving the conference there was a closing ceremony I wanted to attend since I was only there for a day and a half it was important that I experience everything I could in that short period of time. Even more people approached me in the lobby area and inside the ballroom saying that had attended my workshop offering kind words. 

What I got out of this was knowing I can expand my speaking horizons and that it's something I would like to do again. I left the conference and Dallas very happy!

Solving Unsolved Sex Crimes

A little over a year ago I received an email from my colleague at Strength United, a community agency affiliated with CSU Northridge committed to ending abuse, empowering families and developing leaders. I have worked with them most recently as a sexual assault survivor speaker to their Advocates. Ann Conkle, Outreach and Engagement Officer reached out to me after receiving a request from the production company for Cold Justice a show that follows detectives around the country as they solve cold cases. The were developing a spin-off show that would focus on sex crimes with particular emphasis on cold cases related to untested rape kits. An issue that has been brought to light within the past few years. They were in the process of picking detectives for the new show and needed sexual assault survivors to role play with the potential detectives. The producer ideally wanted victims who had been through the prosecution process and comfortable speaking about their experience. Ann said she immediately thought of me and if I was interested in participating provided me with the contact information for the producer along with the date in which it was scheduled.

I had watched every episode of the original Cold Justice show with my boyfriend and was excited that this potential spin-off show could help solve sexual assault victims cases in the way it helped murder victims families. After letting Ann know all this and thanking her for the referral I emailed the producer with my story and background which began our correspondence in preparation for the day ahead and what I could expect.

As I arrived to the production offices that day I was greeted and introduced to the staff and crew then settled into a waiting area where three other survivors of sexual assault joined me. While alone we introduced ourselves and shared our stories of (coincidentally) date rape and the paths that our lives took subsequently. It is always a safe space when surrounded by only survivors with no one else listening in on our conversation. We can share as much or as little as we like with each other knowing we have been in the same shoes, so to speak. The women I met were all so brave and strong moving on successfully with their lives except for one young girl. She was openly telling her story for the first time trying as best she could to navigate her way through the experience. The three of us knew what that first time was like and offered what we knew she needed as far as support and guidance. 

A representative of LA's Peace Over Violence, a rape crisis organization, arrived and would stay in our waiting room to be there as we each returned from role playing with the detectives. She checked in with each of us and if necessary would provide one on one counseling. Every victim/survivor reacts differently after retelling their story and it's important to have someone there to provide counsel. 

I would be the third called in by production to role play. They introduced me to two very seasoned special victim's unit detectives who told me about their background and experience investigating these types of crimes. I remember thinking how similar in demeanor and compassion they were to Detective O'Malley who was the law enforcement professional that took my statement and the first person I told my story to in its entirety. The crew explained that everything was going to be recorded on video. There were cameras in and outside of the room and I was fitted with a microphone similar to my doing an interview. The "interview" took about 45 minutes to an hour. The idea was for all of us to react as if we were meeting for the first time, having my statement taken and being provided the information on how the legal process would move forward as a victim. Once finished I met briefly outside the room with the producers while they asked me for my feedback of the detectives performance. Then I rejoined the ladies, each time one of us returned we discussed our experience and opinions with the others. Before leaving we exchanged each other's information.

Shortly thereafter the producer came to thank us for our help and we all discussed our hopes and excitement for the show to air on television. Cold Justice airs on the TNT network and about 2 months ago during one of their recap shows they introduced the legal team who would be part of the Cold Justice: Sex Crimes spin-off and I couldn't have been happier. The new show will premiere Friday July 31st at 9:00pm East and 6:00pm West. I hope it's a success, helps a lot of victims heal and puts their attackers behind bars where they belong.

Additionally this week I received my RAINN Newsletter with an article providing information about the assistance they provided to each victim for each episode as well as details about Cold Justice: Sex Crimes and RAINN. See link below to read more.

RAINN Partners with TNT's Cold Justice: Sex Crimes to Provide Support to Survivors

It's Not OK

The past few weeks have been happily busy for me as I work and volunteer and throw in a few social activities here and there. I've had the opportunity to meet some amazing new people some of which have become my friends. Since moving out to LA new friendships have been slow in coming but I knew if I was patient those important connections would cultivate. My recent part-time job has allowed me to be exposed to some very interesting people all with their own unique story to tell. Each also accepting and supportive of my own story. It's inspiring! Recently, as a large group of us sat around chatting, discussions of a previous work environment involving a very uncomfortable experience some women had were brought up. I listened to what several had to say and filed it away in my mind. We were separated for the remainder of our work day and the subject wasn't revisited.

I got home late that night but when I woke up the next morning I started to think more about what was shared with me by those women the night before. I became angry about what they had to experience and decided when I saw them that evening I would bring up what I do as a public speaker and advocate of sexual assault awareness and offer my support. My instincts told me that these women were strong and outspoken and most likely receptive to what I had in mind. I approached one of the girls shared my idea and she couldn't have said Yes to me fast enough telling me she had already considered taking action. She provided me her information along with a friend of hers also and I told her I would get working on some ideas how we could move forward to report the offensive behavior.

Although I can't discuss in detail just yet what happened because it's not my story to tell I can say that a man hired as an entertainer frequently used vulgar, offensive language, stories and jokes in his routine. The women were working while this was going on. He is clearly only moderately talented because there are plenty of entertainers out there who do not lower their standards to such a level in order to get reactions from an audience. We all have varying standards of tolerance when it comes to things that may be considered off color and even one woman's disapproval should not be ignored but this was more than enough women to organize a group and lodge a complaint. Especially when one woman has heard the dialogue repeated from this "entertainer" before. We have power in numbers.

The point I'm trying to get across is that women should never be hesitant or afraid to speak up because there may be others who are thinking the same thing. The only way we can stop this type of bad behavior is to call out the offender to someone in authority and make them aware that It's Not OK!

Sexual Assault Reporting & Repeat Offenders

I recently read an article in the NY Times regarding the difficulty rape victims (women & men) have in reporting their sexual assault especially on college campuses. Less than 10% of students report their assault to the college or police. There is a laundry list of why survivors don't report and one reason is that the reporting process for victims can be perceived as unfriendly. Most victims feel alone and fear the consequences of reporting their attack. What they don't know is 90% of sexual assaults are committed by repeat offenders and if we could stop college sexual assault offenders after their second attack we would prevent 60% of sexual assaults. 

Now there is a sexual assault reporting system being developed called Callisto that will provide a 3-part process for victims/students to participate. If the victim sees their attacker is a repeat offender and then chooses the third reporting option the first two steps become very valuable. See three steps outlined below:

1. Fill out an account of the incident online.

2. Securely save the report

3. Report now or later

As a survivor of a serial date rapist (although as an adult and not a college student) I am completely on board with this type of reporting system. My attacker committed multiple sexual assaults before and after he raped me. I have met and had long discussions with many of those women and they all wish they had known of the victims that came before them because then they would have had the courage to come forward and report their own assault. As a result they feel there may not have been the victims to follow them. These are feelings that I had to work through as part of my rape crisis counseling. It is not easily accepted or able to move past.

My assault included being drugged first and my attacker raped me while I was unconscious. I woke up the next morning naked in his bed, violently ill and confused. To add to the confusion my rapist was nice to me. I struggled to remember what happened the night before and couldn't make sense of it. Jeffrey Marsalis raped dozens of women in the same way and if there was a resource that I could have gone to validate what my instincts knew wasn't right about that night I would have reported my attack to the police immediately. Instead he went on to rape women for another year and a half before finally being arrested leading to two trials and convictions of sexual assault and rape. He will now spend the rest of his life in prison and never hurt another woman again but "only if"... Instead of focusing on the past the I can not control I chose to focus on the future and advocating for what I can control.

NY Times Article

Callisto - A College Sexual Assault Reporting System

Callisto is currently in its design and development phase.

UPDATE: I was contacted by a member of Callisto and as their first goal is to create a supporting and empowering experience for survivors and in order to do so they are trying to get as much feedback as possible during the design and development process.
They are looking for current college students or college survivors of any age that were assaulted in college. If interested please fill out the brief survey (link below) and you will be contacted shortly.

Callisto Research Participation Form

Denim Day 2015

On April 29, 2015 I attended the 2nd annual Denim Day Rally and Press Event. Although invited last year my mom was in town for a visit so I was unable to go. This was the 16th anniversary of Peace Over Violence's Denim Day and the second year since they partnered with fashion sponsor Guess? Foundation.

The message of Denim Day is There is No Excuse and Never an Invitation to Rape. Its origin began in 1998 when Italian women lawmakers wore jeans to Parliament to protest the highest court of appeals ruling that a victim could not have been raped if she was wearing tight jeans because she would have had to cooperate in taking them off. 

Peace Over Violence Executive Director Patti Giggans organized the first Denim Day event in 1999 and in 2011 it grew into a national movement. It's mission is to 'Wear jeans with a purpose, support survivors and educate yourself and other about sexual assault.' Peace over Violence is a sexual and domestic violence, stalking, child abuse and youth violence prevention center in Los Angeles.

National Denim Day began as a part of April's Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Although it's just one day the theme this year during the rally and encouraged by Patti Giggans and Guess? Chairman Maurice Marciano was to continue spreading the message throughout the year. Guess? and its Guess? Foundation has become a very active partner kicking off a fundraiser on April 20th and donating $2 for every pair of Jeans and select accessories sold in their stores to Peace Over Violence which is a nonprofit organization with a total reaching over $150,000.

Also in attendance were Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti who gave an inspirational speech and Los Angeles Police Chief Charlie Beck who shared his decades long commitment to sexual violence victims as part of his law enforcement career. Los Angeles County District Attorney Jackie Lacey told us the work her office is doing to prosecute sexual predators and Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors Mark Ridley-Thomas gave an uplifting, motivational speech to all in attendance that day.

Finally, we were treated to musical performances by spokespersons and recording artists Aloe Blacc and Maya Jupiter. Maya Jupiter wrote and performed a very special song 'Never Said Yes' inspired by the film The Hunting Ground which exposes the epidemic of sexual assault on college campuses. The song download is available for free through May 8th.

I met so many great people that day who all have the same goal as I do which is to spread sexual assault awareness worldwide and end sexual violence for once and for all. To learn more about Peace Over Violence, Denim Day or download Maya Jupiter's song I have provided links below.

Peace Over Violence

Denim Day LA & USA

Maya Jupiter - "Never Said Yes"

Denim Day Movement Thank You

Still Speaking Out 6 Years Later

As I was preparing for my trip to Central California this week and a speech at the National Crime Victims Rights Week ceremony in Merced it was not lost on me that 6 years ago almost to the day I gave my first speech. 

While I was receiving counseling at WOAR (Women Organized Against Rape) the Director, Carole Johnson, had been monitoring my progress with my counselor Laura. They had decided I was in a good place where I could tell my story at their annual Take It All Back event on April 25, 2009. At the request and with just the right amount of encouragement from Laura she presented the idea to me of including me in the "Survivor Speaker" part of the day. I wasn't all that uncomfortable with public speaking, although this would be something so much different, but I had trusted her thus far (over a combined year of therapy sessions) and agreed to speak. Laura said we could work on the speech together and assured me that while I presented it she would be right by my side.

I went home and worked on my 'assignment' for the next two weeks so I would be ready to show Laura what I had written and we could review and discuss it at our next meeting. Since I had never been to a Take Back The Night event I was unfamiliar with the format. She told me that the survivors tell their story in a way that was most comfortable for them. It just so happened that my story had a beginning, middle and almost an end I decided to tell it in that order. My story was also unique for survivors of sexual assault because I had been through each phase starting with my report to law enforcement, rape crisis counseling and the trial process from preliminary hearing, closing arguments to sentencing. Not only that but the added stress but it was also a high profile case with endless print and television media coverage and my recent participation in an ABC News interview they were completing for a Summer air date.

Two days before the event I met with Laura, she read the speech, which she liked and we talked about what I might expect as I presented it. The very same week Jeffrey Marsalis' Idaho Rape trial was going on and I was following along as best I could from NJ with all my help from the online reports by the local news media there. The next day, Friday, the jury had gotten the case and that evening after my workout I received the message from Philadelphia prosecutor Joe Khan that Marsalis had been convicted of Rape and sentencing was scheduled for a few months later. These were the words I had been waiting years to hear and as I drove home that evening I spoke with Joe who told me the jury deliberated only a few hours and came back with the guilty verdict. I now had a real end to my story and added that to my speech which I would be giving the next day.

On Saturday morning I drove to the Independence Visitors Center in Philadelphia where Take it All Back was being held and walked into the room where all the festivities were going on. The atmosphere can only be described as welcoming with everything related to supporting victims and survivors of sexual assault. It was beautiful! I scanned the room for Laura and once I spotted her practically ran over to share the good news. I am not embarrassed to say that we screamed and hugged as we discussed the guilty verdict and briefly talked about what was next as far as his sentencing. This news we shared with the Director Carole and many others who work for WOAR that knew about the case and me since I had been arriving for regular counseling sessions at their offices for quite a long time.

After much anticipation it was now time for the schedule of events to begin which included a proclamation by the Mayor, music and dance performances and then it was my turn. I walked up to the podium with my typewritten speech and Laura joined me but stood just off to the side. I gave that speech through shaky words and tears at times finally at one point reaching for Laura's hand which I held on to as if my life depended on it. When I got to the part and as I shared with the audience the previous day's guilty verdict the crowd erupted in applause and cheers. It was unexpected and overwhelming and I was thankful that it was the last part of my speech because I broke down into Laura's arms after that reaction. Their reaction to my news a direct result of the fact that guilty rape verdicts and difficult to achieve. A sobering fact that we are all trying to change. The support I received from all those people was a lot to handle and as I describe it to you now I feel it all over again. 

That was the beginning of my path to telling my story to as many who want to listen. Six years later I am about to give another speech as an honored and invited guest of the Merced County District Attorney and Victim Witness Assistance Program for their National Crime Victims' Rights Week ceremony. I am excited to be here to share my story and spend the day with other victims of violent crimes and support them any way I can. I also get a chance to thank those who help victims through the worst moments of their lives. They are the true hero's which should never be forgotten because if it wasn't for those in Philadelphia law enforcement, the prosecution team and counselors at WOAR I would not be here today.

Born To Be & Little Words of Kindness

UPDATE INFO BELOW**

I learned about Born To Be, a retreat center for victims and survivors of sexual assault where they could go to heal through writing, painting, art, etc. from the RAINN Speakers Bureau in which I am a member. Born To Be is a project currently in development along with The Little Words of Kindness campaign created by its founder Jenna Kandyce Linch who herself is a survivor of child abuse, domestic violence and rape. Little Words of Kindness, which is also a work in progress, allows anyone to participate in either the letter writing project the donation of journals, notebooks, diaries or pens or both. 

Jenna, a nature lover, found it healing to be out in nature and thought the peaceful surroundings would be beneficial for other survivors too. The name Born To Be came to her while out running one day and thinking how, as survivors, we struggle to define where we fit in and where our lives are headed as we piece our lives back together. The more she got to thinking about the name the more it stuck by representing the mission and goal of Born To Be Inc. Its mission is to help victims and survivors see how beautiful they are and help them regain the confidence to see who they were born to be and meant to be in life.

Jenna started Born To Be Inc a year after she was date raped by her ex-boyfriend. The project grew out of an online petition first urging the government to fund special schools for victims and survivors where they could heal from their sexual assaults. It changed direction from there to develop a retreat where victims and survivors could go to encourage healing through painting, art, writing, etc.

Many victims in counseling are asked to write or journal as part of the therapy process, I was one of them and found it extremely effective. I know of several other women who choose to express themselves through music and songs they have written. Writing has always been Jenna's voice as she suffered sexual and domestic violence through childhood with nowhere to go and no one to talk about the abuse ultimately learning to survive on her own at the age of 17. Born To Be Inc is currently in the "work in progress" stage but the goal is to establish a place of solace and serenity where victims and survivors can go to get support from each other throughout their healing process. This idea is innovative and progressive and would provide another option for victims of all forms of sexual abuse. I was able to find this kind of solace at WOAR, the rape crisis center in Philadelphia, but these organizations are not always available for geographical reasons, lack of funding or simply not the type of place some victims would be comfortable visiting.

The Little Words of Kindness campaign came to Jenna after reading a letter sent by a survivor telling her what an inspiration her MySpace writings were and what a difference they made in her life and then sharing what she had been going through. After reading that letter she thought "what if I could start a campaign where survivors write each other notes to inspire, encourage, motivate and lift one another up while sharing their experiences?" Hearing kind words from strangers, those who have been through similar situations, can make all the difference in the healing process. I can confirm this because while I was sitting in the courtroom during my attacker's trial with his other victims and although we couldn't speak to each other there was a bond that provided a silent strength no one else outside the group could provide us. There was a support system through our similar traumatic experience that friends, family and other loved ones simply couldn't offer. Survivors know that we won't judge each other and we can't guarantee we will get that from anyone else.

Writing gave Jenna her voice back as it did for me. I was encouraged to write by my therapist throughout my rape crisis counseling process. Jenna wants to make writing supplies available to hand out at shelters, hospitals, rape crisis centers, colleges and events such as Take Back the Night. Every survivor deserves the right to get their voice back. Those of us that were successful in doing so want to share that feeling with others.

If a volunteer decides to write a letter it's as simple as a putting down on paper what comes from the heart and no particular length is required whether it be short or long. They can also write multiple letters, there is no time limit to submit them and can be anonymous as well. This is such a simple yet powerful way to let survivors know they are not alone and gives them the spark of hope they need to begin moving on.

In my ongoing effort to pass along information providing alternatives to healing from sexual assault and prevention tools I thought this would fit into this category. It's unique but has a direct effect on victims as the letters go directly to them. I can personally share that in the time between reporting my rape to law enforcement and beginning my counseling I felt alone, out of place, confused among other feelings. If I received a letter of support from another survivor or even a stranger it would have been so helpful for my mental well-being.

UPDATE**
Jenna is now looking for survivors of sexual assault to decorate a postcard now through April 2016. Her goal is "to turn postcards into a canvas for a healing process and to exhibit the postcards collected over the course of a year". More details provided on this website...

Awakenings Foundation and Gallery

For more information and Jenna's story visit her official website.

Jenna's Story & Born To Be

Jenna also started a blog where she is looking for writers to post testimonials, poetry, stories, helpful hints, etc. It's described as a for survivors from survivors.

Little Words of Kindness Blog

Little Words of Kindness Campaign Information

Mail letters directly to:
Jenna Kandyce Linch
Born To Be Inc
600 S Graves Street
#2306
McKinney, TX 75069

Email letters to (that will be printed and sent):
jklinch_risingabove@yahoo.com

Still More Work to Do

In my Day 1 SAAM blog I wrote about how inspired and excited I was for the interest shown by all the new people I was meeting through my recent job adventure. Today, Day 2, I want to talk about those who choose to not just be unreceptive of victims and survivors stories but engage in nasty name calling to supporters who attempt to affect a change in rape culture. The people aren't just on the opposite side but engage in everything that is bad about a narrow-minded thinker including victim blaming, verbal abuse, harassment, etc. 

It all started because I backed a woman who launched a campaign to postpone or cancel Bill Cosby comedy shows and support all the women (his victims) who bravely came forward to speak up and tell their horrific experiences with the comedian/actor. I then promoted the cause through my Twitter and Facebook accounts. About a week later I was included in a twitter tirade launched by a very small minded man who uses words for evil as well as try and hurt people instead of using them for good or productive results. The following is a summary of his multiple tweets: Calling into question her intelligence, accusing her of being paid off and finally the ever popular whore label. This is by no means the first time I have experience such nasty, hateful remarks nor is it the first time I blogged about it but coming off of an encouraging few weeks it was a reality check for me which in hindsight was not at all a bad thing by any means. 

Reading someone spew hate in tweet after tweet has a dual effect on me. First, it reminds me there are so many in this world who don't see things the way I do and probably never will. No matter how much information you provide them their opinion is not going to change nor do they want it to. Second, it only motivates me to work harder and spread my message further. I think the negative, closed minded part of the population is small and will slowly become isolated from the rest of us especially if they use their words to bully instead of express their opinions in a more clear and intelligent format. They can call me or my colleagues and supporters nasty names but as I have been known to say before "consider the source". The big picture is what they say doesn't really matter. Most of us regardless of what side of the topic you are on do not want to engage in that type of behavior and will step back from anyone who finds it acceptable. 

I choose to spread my message of date rape and sexual assault awareness to the open-minded and those who are simply unaware of the topic and looking to learn more. Even if they listen to what I have to say in speeches, tv interviews or read my blogs and tweets and never do anything about that's OK with me because not everyone is interested in being an activist. What they are interested in is being informed which the most I can wish for the general population. The reality is one day just maybe someone they know will come to them and share their own personal story of sexual assault and they now know just enough on how to react appropriately and compassionately.

The social media trolls will always be there but by no means do we have to acknowledge or engage them. I continue to tune out the negative and welcome the interested.

Spreading the Message

Most recently I began working as an 'extra' for TV & movies and it has not only been a '10' on the scale of cool but the people I'm meeting and working with have been inspiring as well.

I should really explain first how I got into doing this type of work. As some of you well know I moved to LA in late 2013 to start the next chapter of my life with my boyfriend Steve and also begin JoAnnSpeaksOut. Steve has a successful podcast where he interviews anyone and everyone in all aspects of the entertainment industry not to mention he also has a comedy and writing background along with many of his friends working in TV & movies in front of and behind the camera. I have always been a huge fan of television and movies and a self described addict watching hours and hours of both. Steve encouraged me to look into doing extra work for fun and I liked the idea because it's flexible and would fit around my busy schedule. 

Another reason I was interested is that I have always lived my life for the experiences. I am not afraid to try new things even if I only do them once which includes traveling the world by myself, trying out as a Philadelphia Eagles cheerleader and many others that I won't go into now. After the Jeffrey Marsalis trials were over, I knew he was safely behind bars for Life and my counseling was completed successfully the drive and determination for me to never regret "NOT" doing something was even more prevalent. I have been known to say that I will not lay on my death bed replaying my life and thinking of the things I didn't do but only the things I did.

So even though I'm only a few weeks into this new work I have been deeply moved by the responses to my answering the questions 'What is it that you do?' and 'What brought you to working as an extra?' Because extra work brings people from all different backgrounds, ages, places in the world everyone has an interesting story to tell and there is a natural curiosity to learn about those you will be working with for what could be long hours. I answer the question by being brief and straight to the point "I'm a speaker and advocate for sexual assault awareness". This brings a multitude of reactions but NEVER a negative one. Some ask if it's due to a personal experience, some ask that I elaborate on where and how I work and spread my message, others have taken me aside to discuss the subject or ask me a lot of questions or my opinion on the latest news topics surrounding sexual assault. In the past few days a young girl opened up to me about her assault and counseling and an older gentlemen offered contact information for the family crisis center where he volunteers as a math/physics tutor when I asked him while elaborating they really need someone like me to come in and speak there. Finally a young guy told me of a smart phone app he has developed to help women in an emergency situation so I gave him my card and offered to share that information in a later blog when he was ready to market it.

At the kickoff for SAAM (April 1st) I felt it fitting that I share the positive experiences I've had in such a short period of time spreading the message of sexual assault awareness to such a broad audience. This is the best outcome I could ever wish for as part of my JoAnnSpeaksOut mission. All the victims, survivors, advocates and activists want is for people to start talking about the subject as if it was any other topic to be discussed. the time is way past due to bring it out of the shadows and raise the voices above a whisper when the words rape, date rape, sexual assault are spoken.

I think we are there and I couldn't be more excited about the future because if everyone starts talking about it the victims can begin to heal the perpetrators can be arrested and prosecuted and shame can be a thing of the past.

Start By Believing

'Start By Believing' is part of a unique citywide awareness campaign focused on the public response to sexual assault in addition to the police and health care workers. On March 18th the Denver Police Chief Robert White and Mayor Michael Hancock held a press conference to announce the campaign and what led to its creation. In a rare collaboration the Denver Police Department approached Denver NBC9 News anchor Kyle Clark to take part in the Start By Believing Campaign. Kyle has made the commitment to him and says they were raped or sexually assaulted he will Start By Believing and encourages others to do the same. In the next few weeks he is also sharing survivor stories during the evening newscast in order to spread the campaign's message and create broader public awareness. Survivors will tell what it was like and the positive impact it has when someone did believe them.

As a survivor of date rape I can't express enough how important that first reaction is to a victim when they share their rape or sexual assault with a trusted friend, family member and/or law enforcement. I was very lucky to have support from everyone I told but have heard way too many stories from victims who have gathered the courage to tell someone and received indifferent or negative reactions. I have heard the detective victimizing the accuser during the report or police officers making statements of judgment as to the victims actions before and during the assault or what they may have been wearing. Other victims have told me of family and friends marginalizing the assault or encouraging them not to pursue reporting because it will be shameful for the family or no one will believe them anyway.

The Denver Chief of Police is asking that officers to believe the victim when they come forward to tell their story. The idea behind it being a presumption of belief is the best way to catch rapists because on average a sexual predator attacks 6 times so if the first victim is not believed then the potential for 5 more assaults can occur.  If I hadn't thought my story and the events of that night wasn't so odd or unusual I would have come forward and told someone, most likely a friend but it would have been a start. There were so many more victims my attacker Jeffrey Marsalis assaulted after me that my speaking out may have prevented any number of them. It took a lot of counseling for me to work through that guilt.

Furthermore, Police officers told anchor Kyle Clark that if they start by believing it's simply to treat the claim as any other crime reported then the case has the opportunity for a thorough and fair investigation. Isn't that all a victim really wants anyway which is to be treated fairly? I'll answer that, YES! 

More details and information provided in the links below.

Denver NBC9 News Report

Start By Believing Campaign Information

Mixed Messages 2.0

In September 2014 I wrote a blog titled "Mixed Messages" the subject of which three law enforcement officials in Oklahoma were sexually assaulting women on the job. At the time the captain of the Oklahoma Highway Patrol offered some valuable advice on how women should protect themselves when getting pulled over but then said "to follow the law in the first place so you don't get pulled over." At the time I read the article I was so outraged as to the mixed messages sexual assault victims receive sometimes that I wrote the blog and shared the article (link above). It has now happened again.

Today, through the UltraViolet organization I learned that the University of Oregon is using a rape survivor's private therapy records against her in a lawsuit. The university is using a loophole in a federal law that covers health services on college campuses. Simply stated most student health centers are subject to the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) filled with loopholes that allows schools to access their records without their consent for non-medical reasons.

The mixed message here is that colleges are providing valuable health services to students and then using their medical records when it benefits the college. Mental health services for sexual assault victims is crucial as I can personally attest to and the University of Oregon campus health center offers these services. Most times it's the only option for cash strapped students. In this case the university was preparing a lawsuit against the survivor pertaining to her rape report but the university received pressure from students, faculty and the community so they dropped the suit but the damage was done. Trust has been lost as students were scared off from using the school's therapy center where the staff publicly called the administrations actions unethical. Survivors of rape and sexual assault need counseling to overcome their trauma and eventually lead them on a path to healing. If they think at any time anyone can access their records they will reject much needed therapy.

What is the point of offering medical and mental health services to students and encouraging them to use it only to turn it against them? We can't allow this precedent to continue to spread like a weed throughout colleges and universities across the country. UltraViolet has begun a campaign and drafted a petition that will be submitted to congress to close the FERPA loopholes.

To learn more, get involved and sign the petition follow the link below.

http://act.weareultraviolet.org/sign/FERPA_loophole/?referring_akid=1731.805355.xyHhHe&source=taf

'Social Media Nightmares' Premiere

Within the past few months I have written a few posts referring to an interview I had been preparing for to be aired on an internationally reaching cable TV channel. I am happy and excited to announce that the show titled 'Social Media Nightmares' aired on E! True Hollywood Stories on Wednesday February 25th at 10:00pm and will soon be linked to my website. I am part of the episode to include several other stories and will be speaking about meeting my attacker Jeffrey Marsalis on Match.com, the sexual assault, rape crisis counseling and trials to follow. My interview airs in the 1st 15 minutes of the show. The Producer that I worked with was and continues to be passionate and supportive of me and the subject of date rape and sexual assault and her commitment to get the story out there was relentless. I am so grateful and lucky to be part of this show which hopes to reach the largest audience yet of all my television interviews.

E! True Hollywood Story 'Social Media Nightmares' Interview

If you're interested in reading my previous posts and thoughts at the time I was contacted, preparing and completing my interview they are 'Never Forget Why' and 'Continued Media Interests'. I am really looking forward to seeing the final product as I don't get the view the edited version until it premieres on TV just like everyone else. Although it's important for my message to reach all ages and genders, this show should reach the more targeted audience that is at risk for acquaintance rape, date rape and sexual assault and the E! channel is prime to reach that audience.

I would very much appreciate if everyone who reads this could share the link. The more people who view the show the greater the chance that a victim of sexual assault can receive the help they need or better yet my story could somehow prevent future victims. An event has also been created on my Facebook page JoAnn Speaks Out that you can Like, Comment and Share.

Trauma Recovery Survey

As a proud member of the RAINN Speaker's Bureau I not only receive speakers requests but information regarding other events, projects, etc. happening in the sexual assault community. Most recently I was notified of a research study and provided contact details if I wanted to participate. This particular study examines how people overcome traumatic experiences specifically whether people's recovery from traumatic events, such as domestic violence and sexual assault, is related to volunteering and helping others. I felt as if this was tailor made for me and contacted them immediately. After a few mutual introductory emails I was provided with an ID number and a link to the survey so I could complete and return it. As always I was happy to be using my negative life experience for something positive with the potential to effect change in some way.

A few weeks later I was contacted by the project leader who through a review of my website became aware of my advocacy and awareness work of date rape and sexual assault. He explained to me they were still in the data collection process of the study, still surveying those individuals who have experienced traumatic events and asked if I would post the survey flyer to my website in hopes of getting more participants. Since I thought the particular research work they were doing was valuable I was eager to step in and help in any way. 

This idea started when Joseph Wagoner, a doctoral student at Claremont Graduate University and adjunct faculty member at CSU Fullerton began working in the Institute for Research on Social Issues in the Fall of 2012. (After obtaining a Bachelor's & Master's in Psychology at CSU Fresno) The Institute investigates social issues that influence our society and he began working on a project examining how people overcome traumatic events. His advisor Dr. Allen Omoto and other members of the institute became specifically interested in whether those victims of domestic violence and sexual assault overcome traumatic events by helping other people having the same experience. It has been shown there is some evidence that volunteering and helping others can enhance well-being and interpersonal relationships. However it is unclear how traumatic events help or inhibit volunteerism and helping others. Overall, they are interested in how people move from being a victim to survivor and if this influences their intentions to help others.

If you or someone you know are interested in this project contact Joseph Wagoner directly. More details and his contact information are on the Flyer. The link below will take you directly to my website where the Flyer is posted.

Trauma Survey Flyer

A "Life" Sentence - No Other Option

The other day I read a tweet posted and a link from a BBC News report regarding a child rapist who died in a Scottish prison. The gentleman who tweeted our the story also added his personal opinion of "that's where they all should die". (Jan L Frayne @Beyond_Survivor)

If you have followed my story and read my blog I have stated the same fate should fall upon all rapists. The only sentence a rapist should receive after a conviction is a "Life" sentence. There is no rehabilitation for a rapist of any kind (child or adult). Most have been repeat offenders before they are ever caught and stand trial. Then once they serve out their imposed sentences they return to society to repeat their crimes of sexual assault, the very reason the sex offender label was introduced into the legal system. They need constant monitoring once released because simply stated there is no cure for a rapist.

My own experience with serial date rapist Jeffrey Marsalis and the research I have done since his arrest, trials and sentences allows me to make such a statement. He raped dozens of women before me and dozens of women after me and his violent reckless behavior was only escalating. There is no telling what he would have done if not for his final arrest in Idaho and the investigation by the Philadelphia Special Victims Unit and District Attorney's office as a result of what was revealed from the search of his apartment there.

I am not only speaking for myself but for many of his other victims that I met during and was finally able to have intimate conversations with after Marsalis' convictions. We didn't feel safe and were concerned for the safety of other women who may be potential future victims if he didn't receive a significant prison sentence and sex offender status. Our ultimate goal though was for him to receive a "Life" sentence and none of us were going to stop until that happened. We were also very lucky to have an amazing team of detectives and prosecutors with the same drive and passion for that goal too. Jeffrey Marsalis (as with many rapists) didn't think he did anything wrong and his defense team used the "blame the victim" strategy during all 3 of his trials which reaffirmed what we wanted as far a sentencing. We all knew that when or if he got out of prison he would rape again period!

When I tell my story on college campuses, to victims advocates, television and radio interviewers I don't hesitate to say once I reveal his Life sentence conviction that he will never walk the streets again and  the next time I 'see' him it will be to dance on his grave. It may seem callous to some but as a victim of Jeffrey Marsalis and witnessing first hand how he not only affected my life, my family's and friend's lives and his other victims as a result of his heinous, predatory crimes it's not so callous after all. He will never hurt another woman again and if it could be one of my wishes it's that all victims of sexual assault get to feel as safe as I do now from their attackers.

Prison is the only place for a rapist and a Life sentence is the only punishment option.

Below is a link to the story that inspired this blog.

BBC News Report

It's About Feeling Safe

This blog was inspired by a conversation I had with my mother, a regular reader of my posts (shocker LOL). We were talking the other day and I mentioned a post Prevention is Possible 2.0 and the latest mobile phone apps I had written about. She then told me that my niece (a Sophomore in college) is using one but didn't know the name. As soon as I got off the phone with my mom I sent a text to my niece who told me she downloaded the SafeTrek app but thankfully had no need to use it yet. Because I had a more personal connection with this particular prevention tool I decided to not only look at their website but learn more about the development and inspiration behind it.

The SafeTrek app works by first downloading the app (for a small $3 monthly fee). When the user feels unsafe at any time she or he can launch the app and hold their thumb down on the safe button. When the user feels safe again they take their thumb off the safe button and enter a personal four-digit pin. In an emergency the thumb is released, the four-digit pin is not entered and the police will be notified of the users location and emergency. 

It all started in May 2013 at the University of Missouri by four young, progressive, compassionate male college students. I spoke to Aaron Kunnemann who is one of those amazing young men. He shared with me the following...After constantly receiving crime report emails and hearing stories from their friends about incidents that were occurring on their University of Missouri campus, four of them decided to tackle the problem that the campus blue light system was failing to solve. Once running the initial SafeTrek concept by friends, it became very clear that there was a need for it. 

They do no market the app (my niece actually found out about from reading an article on Tumblr) but choose to invest their time and energy into the app itself. As far as the product's development it's by only listening to and focusing on the users. They've been able to solve their problem in the simplest way possible - a single button design that puts police at your fingertips. The team came up with a solution which "has become the core of why we have been successful and how we continue to maintain an almost perfect 5 star app store rating on the Apple App Store", Aaron states proudly!

What's next for the SafeTrek app? Development is continuous as they look for ways to improve SafeTrek everyday. Right now, they're laser focused on optimizing operations and user experience in the United States, but may look to expand internationally in the future.

The four guys behind the SafeTrek curtain are:
Zach Winkler - Mobile App Developer/Computer Science
Zach Beattie - Entrepreneurship/Business Administration 
Nick Droege - Student Body President/Biological Sciences

Aaron Kunnemann - Project Management/Business Administration

I want to add how amazing I think these guys are and I'm so inspired by how many good young men are out there like them and the ones I see and meet at Take Back the Night rallies and Advocate training's. The good guys don't hear it enough.

Check out the SafeTrek App website here to learn more and instructions to download or donate to call center expenses.

SafeTrek - Mobile Phone App

Volunteerism and Healing

This post was inspired by the Martin Luther King Jr holiday and implementation of a Day of Service. In my early 30's I began volunteering shortly after the death of Princess Diana. I admired her for true courage and bravery as a woman who put her flaws out there for the world to see and strength it took to stand up to a powerful royal family on how she wanted to raise her children and live her life. In the early years of the AIDS epidemic and crisis she went to Africa to visit the infected people. Just weeks after her death in 1997 I decided to honor Princess Diana's memory by signing up to volunteer after approaching a booth at a Fitness & Health Expo. I could have volunteered anywhere but my mother had many gay friends and at the time knew of some who lost their battle with the evil disease that was AIDS so I chose an HIV testing clinic. I spent 2 1/2 years at the Clinic just one evening a week until I took a new job that wouldn't allow me those hours. The staff there was so appreciative and for me it took little time out of my day to offer and I loved working with them and meeting all the people who came in to be tested. 

Fast forward to the Spring of 2009. I had spent the past 3 1/2 years going through the legal process and rape crisis counseling as a result of my being drugged and raped by Jeffrey Marsalis. He had now been sentenced to 21 years in a PA prison for Sexual Assault and Life in an ID prison for rape to be serviced consecutively. I was nearing the completion of my counseling and feeling mentally healthy. I now had a lot of free time on my hands since it wouldn't be taken up by going to court and therapy sessions not to mention I had the free time emotionally to add something like volunteering to my life. I had a few ideas as to what kind of work I wanted to do which was with children in some capacity. I had yet to be married and no children so this would be a way to spend time with and help them all at the same time. I did some research on global volunteer organizations because I am a travel junkie and liked the idea of traveling to countries where they are less fortunate than we are in terms of education, infrastructure, medicine, etc. I then researched Big Brothers Big Sisters as my brother benefited from them when he was a child. We grew up without a father and his Big Brother was a great addition to my brother's life. I also called my friend Renee to ask her about Make-A-Wish because she had been a wish grantor for them a few years earlier and told me about her positive experiences. After a few weeks of weighing all my options I finally narrowed it down to Make-A-Wish and started the process right away. Within 6 months I had not only completed the paperwork, background check and training but was volunteering at the annual Walk For Wishes fundraiser and assigned my mentor at the event. Just weeks after the event I was a full fledged volunteer Wish Grantor and leading wishes. 

Moving to California in 2013 didn't change anything either. I reached out to the Make-A-Wish LA chapter and began the process of transferring before I even got out here. They welcomed me with open arms. I attended the training, as each chapter does things a little differently, worked the Walk For Wishes and finally started granting West Coast wishes. Later today I will be meeting another volunteer and we will be attending a Wish Reveal for a very special young teenage girl.

Many victims of sexual assault end up giving back in some way such as becoming advocates or working the hotline at a rape crisis center. I was giving speeches and telling my story to advocates and on colleges campuses as part of awareness and prevention but that wasn't enough to fill up my time and essentially preoccupy my mind away from the subject of sexual assault. Choosing an organization outside of rape and sexual assault gave my brain the availability to heal in other ways. It was rewarding on multiple levels but it also allowed me to not think about me. I was tired of being inside myself all the time. The trials and counseling were all about me and while a victim is healing from a recent trauma that's the way it should be but to move forward in the healing process Life has to go on.

If you ever thought about volunteering today as a National Day of Service is the perfect day to start the process. If you have been through a traumatic event such as date rape or sexual assault and think you're emotionally ready to give your time to someone else today is the perfect day to start the process. Volunteering helped me in so many ways to move past the violence that was inflicted on me. It has become a valuable part of my life and I can't imagine not part of a wonderful organization such as Make-A-Wish. 

To learn more about the MLK National Day of Service or Make-A-Wish I have provided links below.

MLK Day of Service

Make-A-Wish

The Bigger Picture

This past January the University of Virginia announced they would be reinstating the campus fraternity that had been suspended after a Rolling Stone article reported a student was gang raped by member of the Phi Kappa Psi fraternity at a party in 2012. The Charlottesville police investigated the allegations in the article and found "no substantive basis to confirm...the allegations". Then a week later fraternities on campus were allowed to resume social activities on the campus. The school did announce 'New Security Guidelines' are now in place although 3 fraternities said they would not sign on to these guidelines such as Sober Monitors because they have they own security measures.

In light of the most recent news from the Charlottesville Police regarding their investigation results it's so very important not to forget that the Rolling Stone article was quite extensive and uncovered a culture of rape that has been going on for decades. Female students who have come forward in the past experienced mixed message and failures in the university's reporting and punishment systems. This backed up by UVA included in a list of over 80 colleges and universities under investigation for Title XI violations which denies students of their equal rights to education by inadequately handling sexual-violence complaints.

After a thorough investigation by the Columbia University School of Journalism at Rolling Stone's request "Jackie's" claims have been found to be without merit. An apology has been issued by Rolling Stone magazine for their failures and the reporter Sabrina Erdely apologized saying she would not repeat the same mistakes. There are many other female victims who are students of UVA that in the past 20 years who have come forward publicly and spoken out about their campus sexual assaults, the hostility by other students and administrative cover-up. UVA hasn't had a strong feminist culture to support women on campus and up until very recent protests had a very low student attendance for the annual Take Back The Night. Although "Jackie's" story was found to have no merit the reality is there have been many victims of sexual assault on this campus who have not been allowed their voice to be heard or the privilege of due process.

I fear that this particular outcome regarding the fraternities at UVA will overshadow the real issue which is part of a much bigger picture. This university has a lot of work to do when supporting sexual assault victims after they report an attack and to change a culture and objectification of their female students pertaining to their reputation as a "party" school all the way down to the vulgar fight song. Ultimately the Rolling Stone article put a spotlight on what UVA hoped would remain on their quiet southern campus.

As a footnote I would like to add that I have a connection to Sabrina Rubin Erdely. In 2008 she wrote "The Crime Against Women that No One Understands" appearing in Self Magazine. It was an in-depth report on date rape and my attacker Jeffrey Marsalis and in the days when only the Philadelphia and Idaho local media were interested in the case she brought it into the national spotlight. I was not approached by her to be interviewed for the article but I know a few of the women who participated. Ms. Erdely made mistakes with the Rolling Stone article A Rape on Campus but accurately reported on the crimes committed by and victims of serial date rapist Jeffrey Marsalis. I will be forever grateful to her for that reason.

Today Show Report
UVA reinstates fraternity at center of Rape claims

Charlottesville Police Unable to Confirm Fraternity Rape

Wall Street Journal Article
Rolling Stone Retracts UVA Rape Story

Rolling Stone Article
A Rape on Campus: A Brutal Assault and Struggle for Justice at UVA

Self Magazine Article
The Crime Against Women That No One Understands

Tell The World

In December I was contacted through my website by a musician/hip hop artist & activist regarding a new project that he was working on speaking out against sexual assault. His name is Rob Hustle, he had a few questions and asked if I would be willing to speak to him. He also included a link to his YouTube video of the last project on police brutality. I watched the video and liked his music and then emailed him as I was curious about the next project and how I could be of help.

We connected over the phone the next day and began chatting about what inspired him to take on sexual assault awareness. Rob received a message from a rape victim who had seen his YouTube video. She was raped by a police office 6 months earlier and followed through with a rape kit and reporting of the assault only to be told that she would be the one charged if she didn't drop her suit against the city. Rob's video about the abuse of power by the police was similar to what this victim had experienced and she not only wanted to share her story with him but also her support of his endeavors. He was immediately affected by what he read feeling sad for what the victim had experienced then angry at those who would get away with it. But instead of moving on he decided to fight back and do something about it by making this his next project. 

I have met so many compassionate people over the years since my sexual assault and I'm always so humbled by those with no personal connection yet still supportive of me as a victim and survivor. Rob Hustle is another one. He reached out to me because of my experience with speaking out and advocacy work for date rape and sexual assault victims and survivors. Because this was all new to him he wanted to know which organizations to contact, what, if any, response he would get from victims and survivors and was he on the right track with his ideas. I was so impressed by Rob and what he was doing I let him know that and told him I would fully support the project in whatever way he needed me to.

The website is now complete and in it is his inspiration for the project, the three parts to the project and how victims and survivors can get involved and participate.

Below is a link to the website that I hope you will review and share with as many as you can. A victim's voice is the most powerful thing they have so let's give all victims the power they deserve even those who have yet to speak out.

Tell The World

UPDATE: Rob was contacted by the talented ladies of the Vagina Chronicles Podcast and asked if any of the Project Advisers would be willing to do their show. They so generously allowed me to tell my story of date rape and healing and provide their listeners with all the Tell The World details as well. I have included a link to their podcast with my interview.

The Vagina Chronicles Podcast

Should We Leave the Year Behind Us?

As we approach New Year's Eve our natural instinct is to review the year gone by and look forward to the prospects of the year ahead of us. This is especially the case when we may not have had the best year, reached goals or accomplished everything we had planned. While I began to do the same, because I am very goal and task oriented, a thought had occurred to me which was 'maybe we shouldn't put the past in the past?' Reaching the end of one year and preparing for another is a very positive milestone no matter what events may have taken place. It means that we are strong and have tackled all the challenges that were put in front of us whether we reached the desired result or not.

I have had to do a lot of evaluation of the previous 10 years since embarking on my full-time JoAnnSpeaksOut mission/campaign in January 2014. I realized that each time I faced a difficult situation during those years I was better able to handle the next one. This is not something you know is happening as you live through it but only much later on in review. I have learned a lot about myself and grown to appreciate even more the family, friends and those professionals who helped me through the horrific ordeal following my sexual assault. What also came to light while evaluating the past including 2014 is that each time I opened myself up and allowed people in I witnessed the unconditional kindness of strangers there is in this world. I pride myself on seeing the good in people and avoiding skepticism as much as possible and there is a lot of compassion in humanity it's just a matter of being ready to receive it.

So I'm here to say don't be so quick to dismiss the past. Do not put the year behind you, embrace it and celebrate it. As a survivor of whatever horror you have encountered, trauma or health issue you have faced you have made this far by being brave and strong and sometimes vulnerable and it wasn't easy. But take all of that in and give yourself the credit you deserve for all that you've accomplished first before putting it behind and looking towards the future. Remember to love yourself first and all that goes with it.

We may not get to achieve everything on our "List" in one year but Life is made up of many, many years. Some good, some bad but all contribute to who we are as humans. 

Happy New Year!

That Time of the Year

These past few weeks before Christmas have been filled with a lot of personal reflection for me. Several reasons include: It's only the second year spending the Holidays in California with my boyfriend since I no longer live in NJ where my family and friends all live. It has been a very pivotal and productive year for me professionally and personally and finally it's this week (nine years ago) that changed my life forever.

Although I miss my family terribly at this time of year and all of our traditions I learned to bring some of them with me so Steve and I have made them part of our lives. We can also look forward to going back to NJ for Christmas next year as that plan is already set. 

When I started my JoAnnSpeaksOut public speaking and advocacy campaign I couldn't imagine the direction it has now taken. Originally I wanted to focus on what I began doing in 2009 which was tell my story to sexual assault advocates, speak on college campuses and expand to other venues and audiences which I am still working on. But once I got started so many more opportunities and options became available to me I just went with it. I was never planning on writing a blog or being interviewed for podcasts among other amazing doors that have opened up to me. It seemed to take on a life of its own which was exciting to see and experience.

Personally I have been so lucky to recently meet some really great women out here who share the same life goals as I do and start some, and what I hope to be, long-lasting friendships. It took a while to find women I could connect with out here like I did when I met my "girls" I left behind in NJ. Maybe I just wasn't ready to let anyone in and now is the right time. On top of all that I met a 1st cousin I didn't even know I had from my father's side of the family which has been estranged since I was young child and he lived a few blocks away! 

Now take all of the above and add to it the time of the year. It was nine years ago 1 week before Christmas 2005 that I received the fateful, life-altering phone call as told in my blog post 'The Call That Changed My Life' Although there would be many more difficult days, weeks ahead that one was the worst having become aware of my sexual assault, the violent predator I had come in contact with, giving my statement to the SVU detectives, being subjected to blood tests all coming to a head on Christmas Eve day by having the guy I was dating break up with me on a voice mail. I think of how it all began, how far I've come and how different my life is as a result of it. 

In the past 9 years I have been lucky enough to know unconditional support and kindness of strangers throughout the legal and counseling process. Over those years as I became more comfortable telling my story the love and support expanded to family and friends and this year when I was finally ready to show my face on a national TV interview and finally join Facebook that love and support continues to be shown to me as recently as over the weekend. I am thankful and grateful and never let a moment go by without acknowledging it all. To those victims and survivors who are new to speaking out I know how hard it is now but it does get better.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!