Questioning Legitimacy

With the continuing reports of sexual assault accusations against Bill Cosby made by those victims brave enough to coming forward and the repeated denials and questioning of their legitimacy made by his attorney I wanted to provide my insight as a victim/survivor of a serial date rapist with similar circumstances.

These women/accusers have come under fire by some (public, media, etc) for the delay not only in their reporting of being drugged and sexually assaulted but as the number of victims grows whether or not some are coming forward to capitalize monetarily. I can't tell you how angry this makes me every time I see another statement reported online or on TV or a comment posted on twitter. 

Reporting a sexual assault under what you might call normal circumstances is already extremely difficult. 60% of sexual assaults are not reported to the police. Let's then add in the element of not only having been drugged but your rapist is a very popular, very powerful celebrity. I can speak to what it's like when you wake up in a man's bed naked, sick and confused. Your mind is foggy, you don't remember anything but you know sex had occurred, something that even if you had the opportunity to consent you weren't planning on doing so in the first place. I was extremely ashamed and wanted to get out of his bed and his apartment as soon as possible but had to fight against the extreme pain I was feeling all over my body from the drugs he mixed up and slipped into my drink. I couldn't make sense of anything that had happened and because of that I wanted to forget about it ever happened. I did not tell anyone.

Once I was contacted by the authorities in Philadelphia and made aware of the violent sexual act against me made by Jeffrey Marsalis and so many other women did I gain the courage to speak up and speak out. I knew what initially didn't make sense to me finally did now. As the investigation into my attacker grew larger and was reported in the news many more victims came forward to tell almost identical stories of their sexual assaults. 

This is what's happening with the victims in the Bill Cosby case. The women are coming forward to say he drugged and raped them too. They can't stand back silent any longer. He had a pattern. They don't want to be afraid of his fame and just as the victims in my case felt they want to legitimize the others that came forward ahead of them.

Now I can't speak to the feeling of intimidation that comes along with having been raped by a man with the public stature of Bill Cosby but I can speak to how scary it is to have your private life now so public. To have the picture of your rapist on the news reporting your story and being open up to all sorts of criticism especially when you have never processed what happened to you properly. I listen to these women being interviewed and their words and feelings mirror so many of mine. I have repeated the same words and thoughts over and over to myself. When I hear any sexual assault victim speak I know immediately whether they are truthful. So it infuriates me to hear anyone question a rape victims motives when I know right away they are not lying.

Thankfully you don't have to be a victim/survivor of sexual assault to show trust and compassion towards any sexual assault victims. You just have to be a good human being. That's easy!

RAINN Reports Spike in Hotline Use

More Victim Blaming

Victim blaming is one of the biggest obstacles sexual assault and domestic violence organizations and prosecutors have to overcome. Why is it that with any other crime against a person the victim is not blamed? Burglaries, murders, carjackings, home invasions, muggings I could go on and on but you see where I am going with this and it is that when others stand in judgement or comment it's not directed toward the victim or anything they may have done to provoke a crime committed against them. What makes people so uncomfortable about a women being raped whether be it by a stranger on the street or out on a date or a celebrity or beaten by an intimate partner? Why isn't the first thought or words out of someone's mouth 'Is she OK?' not 'What was she wearing, was she drunk, what did she do to provoke such rage from a man???' 

I have been on the receiving end of victim blaming as a survivor of date rape. I sat in court and listened to my rapists defense attorney sweet talk a jury into believing that because my attacker fabricated his profile on Match.com and lied directly to our faces about his life as a doctor and astronaut we were bitter. He told the jury that bitterness lead to our coming forward and accusing him of drugging and raping us. As much as you know what happened to you is not a lie listening to someone else deflect blame makes you feel very, very small. It is for that simple reason I speak out and advocate because I don't ever want another victim to feel like that.

We have come a long way since the introduction of the Violence Against Women Act was introduced in Congress 20 years ago but unfortunately there is still a long way to go. The recent coverage of the victims of Bill Cosby's sexual assaults I have been watching this week have made me proud of the work done by all the advocates who have come before me. The reporting has been fair telling both sides of the story from the victims point of view and any comment from the accused side until an interview with a victim by CNN's Don Lemon. He questioned her actions during the assault and why she didn't react in a certain, specific way. How dare he??!! Would he pose the question to Bill Cosby as to why he was drugging an raping women?

The backlash for his comments have been swift and viral. Let's continue to call out those who victim blame. It's not OK and it has to STOP!

Innocent Until Proven Guilty

...The first week of January seems to have reignited the news stories about comedian Bill Cosby and the allegations by multiple women whom he drugged and sexually assaulted. Not that it was out of the news completely but several things happened most recently. He began a comedy tour through 3 Canadian cities where protestors not only showed up outside the venues but spoke up during the show. His former "Cosby Show" co-star Phylicia Rashad made some controversial statements regarding the victims (stating "this isn't about the women but about a legacy"). Finally three more victims came forward. In the past month while this story continues to be reported I hear a frequent yet frustrating comment made by some in the public. Many offer opinions either way whether they believe the victims or not but say in this country we are "Innocent Until Proven Guilty". Every time I hear this my blood begins to boil and here's why. 

I would first like to say that I have great respect for the law and our legal process. I believe in our legal system and know that it does its best to be fair and just. It's by no means perfect but  in my opinion one of the best in the world. It is also not lost on me as a rape victim who has gotten justice and seen her attacker found guilty on multiple sexual assaults and rape that I am very lucky. I repeat this to myself frequently!

That being said I feel passionately about the subject yet the majority of victims of sexual assault who will never see any kind of justice whatsoever and I feel a responsibility to speak out and fight for them. The likelihood that a rape victim will come forward to report, the prosecutor finding enough evidence to move forward with the case, then for it go to trial and have a jury find the rapist guilty are shockingly low. So low in fact that 97% of rapists will never spend a day in jail. Does that mean that the public should only believe 3% of rape victims? That is utterly absurd. The crime and prosecution of sexual assault is monumentally different than other crimes such as a burglary, murder, etc that it's unlikely the victim even gets to prove their attacker guilty. This means that all those idealists out there get to stand up and say "Innocent Until Proven Guilty" and walk away with their conscience clean. Wouldn't it be nice if a rape victim could do the same by walking away but their lives are profoundly changed forever. I know that because mine certainly was and I'm one of the 3%. Imagine a victim in the 97% who doesn't get justice. Not to mention a statute of limitations on sexual assault and if that has expired the victim has no legal recourse whatsoever. This is the case with ALL the Bill Cosby victims. The law is essentially saying that because of a lapse in time the crime didn't happen.

As far as I'm concerned the belief of "Innocent Until Proven Guilty" is lame and a cop out under these particular set of circumstances and does a great disservice to victims of rape and sexual assault. I also think it's extremely hurtful to victims that they could be so easily dismissed by a simple statement. If the public was only informed enough to know how hard it is to get a rapist to trial they wouldn't be so quick to give the benefit of the doubt to the accused and not the accuser. I think it's time that more people believe the victim and question what the accused has done instead of the other way around. I know I'm tired of it and for as long as I can I will work to inform the uninformed!

Celebrities and Sexual Assault

...Within the past few weeks there have been stories of well-known Hollywood male celebrities who have been successful for decades in their careers but have been accused of sexual assault. One of these celebs (Bill Cosby) was accused in the early 2000's by multiple women and another (Stephen Collins) most recently accused of child sexual abuse. Both have the lovable public persona but in private they are violent sexual abusers. In the case of Bill Cosby a monetary settlement was made to many of the victims and the case of Stephen Collins is still being investigated. The difference with these two men is one man's crimes have all been forgotten except for an outspoken comedian who won't let the public forget and the other has suffered the consequences professionally and personally. Sadly the adult women drugged and assaulted by Bill Cosby did not receive traditional justice in the courtroom and get to watch him continue with his career but with Stephen Collins the criminal cases for the young victims are getting a thorough investigation. Why is that?

Is it that the adult women are scrutinized and victim blamed and it happened 10 years ago while organizations were still fighting to bring awareness to their type of assault and now we have come so far that the young victims of Stephen Collins have the benefit of time and experience by all parties involved in the investigation? I hope it's the latter and not for some other reason. I then read an article (see link below) with a long list of celebrity men accused and some convicted and sentenced of sexual assault. Each of their crimes are as different as the punishments, public's reaction and how bad their careers suffered or how good their careers were afterward.

Celebrity Men Accused of Sexual Assault

The message I wanted to get across is that just because they are celebrities and we invite them into our homes on TV or attend the movies they star in doesn't make them any different than you and I and your neighbor next door. It doesn't make them our friend and because they are rich and famous it doesn't mean we know them. They should be held to the same standards as everyone else and they shouldn't be excused from their actions either just because they played some character that we really liked on TV.

UPDATE:
Most recently a request by Bill Cosby's twitter account posted a link to a meme-generator and it backfired. The people spoke by creating meme's with sexual assault and rape accusations. Bill Cosby may not have been punished by a traditional court but he certainly was in the court of public opinion. What followed was an Op-Ed piece by one of Cosby rape victims in which I have provided a link below.

Bill Cosby Rape Victim Barbara Bowman Op-Ed

Following the release of the tape where Stephen Collins admits to child molestation with a young female he was fired from the movie "Ted 2" and he then resigned from the SAG-AFTRA board. He is now preparing for a very high profile divorce from his wife of almost 30 years.