Victim blaming is one of the biggest obstacles sexual assault and domestic violence organizations and prosecutors have to overcome. Why is it that with any other crime against a person the victim is not blamed? Burglaries, murders, carjackings, home invasions, muggings I could go on and on but you see where I am going with this and it is that when others stand in judgement or comment it's not directed toward the victim or anything they may have done to provoke a crime committed against them. What makes people so uncomfortable about a women being raped whether be it by a stranger on the street or out on a date or a celebrity or beaten by an intimate partner? Why isn't the first thought or words out of someone's mouth 'Is she OK?' not 'What was she wearing, was she drunk, what did she do to provoke such rage from a man???'
I have been on the receiving end of victim blaming as a survivor of date rape. I sat in court and listened to my rapists defense attorney sweet talk a jury into believing that because my attacker fabricated his profile on Match.com and lied directly to our faces about his life as a doctor and astronaut we were bitter. He told the jury that bitterness lead to our coming forward and accusing him of drugging and raping us. As much as you know what happened to you is not a lie listening to someone else deflect blame makes you feel very, very small. It is for that simple reason I speak out and advocate because I don't ever want another victim to feel like that.
We have come a long way since the introduction of the Violence Against Women Act was introduced in Congress 20 years ago but unfortunately there is still a long way to go. The recent coverage of the victims of Bill Cosby's sexual assaults I have been watching this week have made me proud of the work done by all the advocates who have come before me. The reporting has been fair telling both sides of the story from the victims point of view and any comment from the accused side until an interview with a victim by CNN's Don Lemon. He questioned her actions during the assault and why she didn't react in a certain, specific way. How dare he??!! Would he pose the question to Bill Cosby as to why he was drugging an raping women?
The backlash for his comments have been swift and viral. Let's continue to call out those who victim blame. It's not OK and it has to STOP!
Showing posts with label VAWA. Show all posts
Showing posts with label VAWA. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
Friday, September 12, 2014
Why Still Victim Blaming?
...As a supporter and advocate of violence against women I was surprised and sickened yet again by the victim blaming I was seeing on TV after the Baltimore Ravens game last night. The reporters approached women wearing Ray Rice jerseys and asked them why they would continue to support a player who is no longer on the team and suspended by the NFL not because of an injury or minor infraction but because he brutally assaulted and knocked unconscious his then fiancee and now wife. Their comments ranged from 'she hit him first' and 'he had a right to defend himself' to 'he's a good man who has done a lot for the city of Baltimore'. It didn't matter the reason, excuse or comment they had (some actually had the facts of the assault incorrect). What was troubling to me is that women continue to blame the victim.
Victim blaming is one of the biggest obstacles domestic violence and sexual assault organizations and prosecutors have to overcome. Why is it that with any other crime against a person the victim is not blamed? Burglaries, murders, carjackings, home invasions, muggings I could go on and on but you see where I am going with this and it is that when others stand in judgement or comment it's not directed toward the victim or anything they may have done to provoke a crime committed against them. What makes people so uncomfortable about a women being beaten by an intimate partner or raped whether be it by a stranger on the street or out on a date? Why isn't the first thought or words out of someone's mouth 'Is she OK?' not 'What was she wearing, was she drunk, what did she do to provoke such rage from a man???'
I have been on the receiving end of victim blaming as a survivor of date rape. I sat in court and listened to my rapists defense attorney sweet talk a jury into believing that because my attacker fabricated his profile on Match.com and lied directly to our faces about his life as a doctor and astronaut we were bitter. He told the jury that bitterness lead to our coming forward and accusing him of drugging and raping us. As much as you know what happened to you is not a lie listening to someone else deflect blame makes you feel very, very small. It is for that simple reason I speak out and advocate because I don't ever want another victim to feel like that.
We have come a long way since the introduction of the Violence Against Women Act was introduced in Congress 20 years ago but unfortunately there is still a long way to go. For the most part the coverage I have been watching this week has made me proud of the work done by all the advocates who have come before me. The sports commentators, the morning show hosts, the local and national news anchors and reports from the man/women on the street didn't hesitate to show their support for the VAW cause and the disgust for those opinions who for some misguided reason think otherwise.
What gets me every time is the victim blaming from other women. As women we need to stand together and support each other not criticize. Women are the backbone of society and we can do anything and everything we put our mind to but so many want to stand back and point out flaws, failures and generally what other women are doing wrong. It needs to stop! We need to come together because until women stop victim blaming then how are those men that do it motivated to stop too. Let's challenge each other to change the culture and ask those who do victim blame to educate themselves so as not to continue the cycle into the next generation...
Victim blaming is one of the biggest obstacles domestic violence and sexual assault organizations and prosecutors have to overcome. Why is it that with any other crime against a person the victim is not blamed? Burglaries, murders, carjackings, home invasions, muggings I could go on and on but you see where I am going with this and it is that when others stand in judgement or comment it's not directed toward the victim or anything they may have done to provoke a crime committed against them. What makes people so uncomfortable about a women being beaten by an intimate partner or raped whether be it by a stranger on the street or out on a date? Why isn't the first thought or words out of someone's mouth 'Is she OK?' not 'What was she wearing, was she drunk, what did she do to provoke such rage from a man???'
I have been on the receiving end of victim blaming as a survivor of date rape. I sat in court and listened to my rapists defense attorney sweet talk a jury into believing that because my attacker fabricated his profile on Match.com and lied directly to our faces about his life as a doctor and astronaut we were bitter. He told the jury that bitterness lead to our coming forward and accusing him of drugging and raping us. As much as you know what happened to you is not a lie listening to someone else deflect blame makes you feel very, very small. It is for that simple reason I speak out and advocate because I don't ever want another victim to feel like that.
We have come a long way since the introduction of the Violence Against Women Act was introduced in Congress 20 years ago but unfortunately there is still a long way to go. For the most part the coverage I have been watching this week has made me proud of the work done by all the advocates who have come before me. The sports commentators, the morning show hosts, the local and national news anchors and reports from the man/women on the street didn't hesitate to show their support for the VAW cause and the disgust for those opinions who for some misguided reason think otherwise.
What gets me every time is the victim blaming from other women. As women we need to stand together and support each other not criticize. Women are the backbone of society and we can do anything and everything we put our mind to but so many want to stand back and point out flaws, failures and generally what other women are doing wrong. It needs to stop! We need to come together because until women stop victim blaming then how are those men that do it motivated to stop too. Let's challenge each other to change the culture and ask those who do victim blame to educate themselves so as not to continue the cycle into the next generation...
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Putting a Face on It
...Today as we celebrate the 20th anniversary of the Violence Against Women Act I wanted to write about a story pertaining to domestic violence that's been in the news this Summer. That is the brutal beating by an NFL player on his then fiancée now wife earlier this year in an Atlantic City casino elevator. We had up until September 9th only seen the disturbing footage of her being dragged out of the elevator unconscious by her abuser Baltimore Ravens Ray Rice. The NFL had suspended him for two games and a deal was made with the Atlantic County prosecutor's office for him to attend anger management classes. There was outrage coming from everywhere and not just women's and domestic violence organizations but from the sports media and athletes current and former. This resulted in an overhaul of the domestic violence and sexual assault policy by the NFL and an apology by the commissioner Roger Goodell which was praised by all as being a step in the right direction. When I first heard the news that the entire video had been obtained and released by TMZ that morning which included the abuse before entering and inside the elevator. It was shocking and upsetting to say the least and everyone was talking about it. I receive many breaking news alerts for all types of media and the first one I got was from SportsCenter reporting as a result of the new video Ray Rice was released by the Baltimore Ravens and then a short time later indefinitely suspended by the NFL. My boyfriend and I turned our TV to ESPN and watched the reaction and coverage the rest of the afternoon. I couldn't get the moment of abuse out of my head and was close to tears many times.
What I want to talk about today is not the failures made up to this point by the NFL, the Commissioner, the Atlantic County prosecutors office or anyone else involved for that matter but my first thoughts after viewing the video. This now put a face on it for all those who have thankfully never been a victim of domestic violence or sexual assault. I know there a so many compassionate people out there who maybe not publicly but privately support victims and there are also those that excuse, criticize and blame. If you are not somehow personally involved it's abstract. As a victim of sexual assault I know first hand what it's like and when I hear a report or meet another victim I don't have questions or comments or judgements. I can only explain it as being unconditional. I believe them and stand by them. Now the video is out and everyone can see what it looks like. Not just the bruises that surface later.
If everyone could put the face of a loved one in the place of the victim Janay Palmer in that elevator then wouldn't we all think and react differently? There was a monumental amount of support yesterday for the awareness of domestic violence but there were still those questions and blaming the victim comments. She responded the next day with a statement and what I ask is that everyone not read into or judge her comments. She is a victim and has so many things going on emotionally and mentally that you won't ever understand. Read her comments if you wish but set them aside without another thought. Please! Domestic violence and sexual assault victims respond with common behaviors as a result of their experience that is hard for the average person on the street to relate. I am living proof.
I'm also going to give my readers a reality check. You most likely have sat in a room with, walked past on the street, stood by in the coffee shop a domestic violence or sexual assault victim today. We are everywhere and we are really good at hiding the deep dark secret. When I began telling more of my family and friends several had personal stories of their own to share regarding family members who have been assaulted. This makes me so sad that there are so many out there. You just don't know unless they choose to tell you.
After the news broke I sent out a few tweets. One of which was to TMZ and Harvey Levin thanking them for releasing the video. Although graphic I personally felt it was necessary because even though we had seen the last part of it where she is being dragged out of the elevator I believe the reality of what happened inside of the elevator was important for all to see. I received a tweet in response from someone who was trolling any supporters of the video release and this is what it said "Suck it hoe". Really?! I actually broke out into uncontrollable laughter because it was so ridiculous. If you're going to criticize or insult me then come up with something a lot better than that. I would have much more appreciated an eloquently worded insult but I guess beggars can't be choosers. My point is no matter what there are people out there who will only see this subject the way they want. Not for the reality in front of them.
I do in my heart believe that the more we talk about it the less taboo it is and the more informed the public will become. In an interview by Tamron Hall with Joe Biden on The Today Show Mr. Biden talked about how little interest and a lot of push back he got when introducing the Violence Against Women Act bill 20 years ago. Because he didn't give up there have been so many important changes as a result. Let's continue to support the victims any way we can. Since starting my speak out mission over 5 years ago I have met so many good people who are doing their best to support. I refuse to be discouraged by the ignorant and uninformed.
What I want to talk about today is not the failures made up to this point by the NFL, the Commissioner, the Atlantic County prosecutors office or anyone else involved for that matter but my first thoughts after viewing the video. This now put a face on it for all those who have thankfully never been a victim of domestic violence or sexual assault. I know there a so many compassionate people out there who maybe not publicly but privately support victims and there are also those that excuse, criticize and blame. If you are not somehow personally involved it's abstract. As a victim of sexual assault I know first hand what it's like and when I hear a report or meet another victim I don't have questions or comments or judgements. I can only explain it as being unconditional. I believe them and stand by them. Now the video is out and everyone can see what it looks like. Not just the bruises that surface later.
If everyone could put the face of a loved one in the place of the victim Janay Palmer in that elevator then wouldn't we all think and react differently? There was a monumental amount of support yesterday for the awareness of domestic violence but there were still those questions and blaming the victim comments. She responded the next day with a statement and what I ask is that everyone not read into or judge her comments. She is a victim and has so many things going on emotionally and mentally that you won't ever understand. Read her comments if you wish but set them aside without another thought. Please! Domestic violence and sexual assault victims respond with common behaviors as a result of their experience that is hard for the average person on the street to relate. I am living proof.
I'm also going to give my readers a reality check. You most likely have sat in a room with, walked past on the street, stood by in the coffee shop a domestic violence or sexual assault victim today. We are everywhere and we are really good at hiding the deep dark secret. When I began telling more of my family and friends several had personal stories of their own to share regarding family members who have been assaulted. This makes me so sad that there are so many out there. You just don't know unless they choose to tell you.
After the news broke I sent out a few tweets. One of which was to TMZ and Harvey Levin thanking them for releasing the video. Although graphic I personally felt it was necessary because even though we had seen the last part of it where she is being dragged out of the elevator I believe the reality of what happened inside of the elevator was important for all to see. I received a tweet in response from someone who was trolling any supporters of the video release and this is what it said "Suck it hoe". Really?! I actually broke out into uncontrollable laughter because it was so ridiculous. If you're going to criticize or insult me then come up with something a lot better than that. I would have much more appreciated an eloquently worded insult but I guess beggars can't be choosers. My point is no matter what there are people out there who will only see this subject the way they want. Not for the reality in front of them.
I do in my heart believe that the more we talk about it the less taboo it is and the more informed the public will become. In an interview by Tamron Hall with Joe Biden on The Today Show Mr. Biden talked about how little interest and a lot of push back he got when introducing the Violence Against Women Act bill 20 years ago. Because he didn't give up there have been so many important changes as a result. Let's continue to support the victims any way we can. Since starting my speak out mission over 5 years ago I have met so many good people who are doing their best to support. I refuse to be discouraged by the ignorant and uninformed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)