Many Ways to Heal

This week I was invited to and participated in an event at CSU Long Beach. As a part of the UC Irvine Speakers Bureau I received a request to sit on the university's peer education group PAUSE (Prevention Awareness Uniting Students with Empowerment) Recovery Panel as a way to create awareness of sexual assault for the students on campus. I was asked to share my story of being drugged and raped along with 3 other women. Then the audience would be open to questions. 

This was a well organized event with about 100 attendees. If you know anything about these campus events that is quite a large group and considered very successful. I was inspired by the interest among the students. Panelists ages ranged from 20's - 60's and although similarities occurred in our stories we each had individual experiences to share. 

The first speaker was a women who 50 years ago at the age of 15 was raped at gunpoint in her own home while her parents and brother slept in their beds. Her rapist then terrorized her for a year afterwards calling and hiding outside her house. Although the police had been called and conducted an investigation (there were other rapes in the neighborhood that night) it wasn't thorough and he was never caught. She suffered for years and after having seen many therapists her healing came when she finally met a counselor who specialized in trauma. It was then her healing process began and brought her to a place where she can finally speak out.

The next two women in their 20's and 30's were both drugged and raped while they were in college, one at a house party and one out a bar celebrating the end of the semester. Each were in situations where there were others around (friends, party goers, bar patrons) who could have at some point stepped in to help but for some reason did not. Similar to the first woman one had seen many therapists but finally received help from a specialized in trauma counselor and the other survivor although didn't find success in traditional counseling had finally found peace through a holistic healing arts approach specifically yoga. Neither one of these two women had positive experiences with law enforcement and their rapists were never caught. They are now happy one having recently gotten married and one having a sweet new baby who tagged along with her that evening.

Then there was me of course and I shared my story of having met my rapist on Match.com, navigated my way through the legal and counseling process and began my speak out and advocacy campaign not only to help others but to pay it forward. As I listened to each of these amazing women's stories I again realized how lucky I am for having had the support from not just my family and friends but law enforcement, prosecutors and received rape crisis counseling first before working my way through those unqualified for such specialized care. Not one of those three other women was able to say the same which saddens me when I hear it.

Once we completed our speeches the audience asked a wide range of insightful questions and some even stayed afterwards to speak with us. I was proud to be part of an amazing event and meet the other courageous survivors who have moved on with their lives and are too now giving back. One of them said that being raped will always be a part of you but it doesn't have to define you and without having said the words to myself I try to live them every day.