Most recently I began working as an 'extra' for TV & movies and it has not only been a '10' on the scale of cool but the people I'm meeting and working with have been inspiring as well.
I should really explain first how I got into doing this type of work. As some of you well know I moved to LA in late 2013 to start the next chapter of my life with my boyfriend Steve and also begin JoAnnSpeaksOut. Steve has a successful podcast where he interviews anyone and everyone in all aspects of the entertainment industry not to mention he also has a comedy and writing background along with many of his friends working in TV & movies in front of and behind the camera. I have always been a huge fan of television and movies and a self described addict watching hours and hours of both. Steve encouraged me to look into doing extra work for fun and I liked the idea because it's flexible and would fit around my busy schedule.
Another reason I was interested is that I have always lived my life for the experiences. I am not afraid to try new things even if I only do them once which includes traveling the world by myself, trying out as a Philadelphia Eagles cheerleader and many others that I won't go into now. After the Jeffrey Marsalis trials were over, I knew he was safely behind bars for Life and my counseling was completed successfully the drive and determination for me to never regret "NOT" doing something was even more prevalent. I have been known to say that I will not lay on my death bed replaying my life and thinking of the things I didn't do but only the things I did.
So even though I'm only a few weeks into this new work I have been deeply moved by the responses to my answering the questions 'What is it that you do?' and 'What brought you to working as an extra?' Because extra work brings people from all different backgrounds, ages, places in the world everyone has an interesting story to tell and there is a natural curiosity to learn about those you will be working with for what could be long hours. I answer the question by being brief and straight to the point "I'm a speaker and advocate for sexual assault awareness". This brings a multitude of reactions but NEVER a negative one. Some ask if it's due to a personal experience, some ask that I elaborate on where and how I work and spread my message, others have taken me aside to discuss the subject or ask me a lot of questions or my opinion on the latest news topics surrounding sexual assault. In the past few days a young girl opened up to me about her assault and counseling and an older gentlemen offered contact information for the family crisis center where he volunteers as a math/physics tutor when I asked him while elaborating they really need someone like me to come in and speak there. Finally a young guy told me of a smart phone app he has developed to help women in an emergency situation so I gave him my card and offered to share that information in a later blog when he was ready to market it.
At the kickoff for SAAM (April 1st) I felt it fitting that I share the positive experiences I've had in such a short period of time spreading the message of sexual assault awareness to such a broad audience. This is the best outcome I could ever wish for as part of my JoAnnSpeaksOut mission. All the victims, survivors, advocates and activists want is for people to start talking about the subject as if it was any other topic to be discussed. the time is way past due to bring it out of the shadows and raise the voices above a whisper when the words rape, date rape, sexual assault are spoken.
I think we are there and I couldn't be more excited about the future because if everyone starts talking about it the victims can begin to heal the perpetrators can be arrested and prosecuted and shame can be a thing of the past.
Showing posts with label Survivor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Survivor. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
DVAM: A Look Back
Last Friday brought an end to Domestic Violence Awareness Month and I wanted to look back at what was accomplished in terms of promotion and awareness. The NOMORE organization teamed up with current and former NFL players along with celebrity directors to create a PSA that is being played during Monday and Thursday night football games and during the Sunday games. I personally witnessed the ad being aired in a football stadium during a recent Sunday game. These men stood up to say #NOMORE opening up the dialogue on a subject that has rarely been part of a general topic of discussion.
In the past few months Hotlines have been flooded with phone calls and staffs had to be increased as a result of not only the awareness campaigns but the light shined on this horrible act of interpersonal violence. Largely in part after the video of Ray Rice beating his then fiance now wife in an Atlantic Casino elevator. As I had written in previous blogs this put a face on something that was for the most part kept behind closed doors and not talked about by the victims. Suddenly the media was talking and sharing their outrage and the public was weighing in too. Some very successful women including Meredith Vieira told their personal story of domestic violence and everything she went through emotionally and physically while being victimized. This allowed many victims to come out of the shadows and reach out for help.
Then in late August the NFL made sweeping changes to their Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault punishment policy taking a very vocal stand saying it's not OK. Today Ray Rice and his lawyers will begin the process of appealing his punishment essentially turning back the clock. His argument being that he was punished initially by the NFL with a suspension and then received a 2nd punishment after the policy was changed. If this is his idea of turning a corner and repenting it's not the way to go about it.
From what I've learned about domestic violence abusers and as a victim/survivor of a serial date rapist, even after serving their punishments the abusers go back to their abusive ways. In my opinion no punishment for these offenders is long or harsh enough. What we do have in our favor is our voices. I've learned throughout my healing process that my voice along with the many supporters of family, friends and advocates is very powerful and I will use it for however long and far it will take me to stop violence against women (& men) for good!
In the past few months Hotlines have been flooded with phone calls and staffs had to be increased as a result of not only the awareness campaigns but the light shined on this horrible act of interpersonal violence. Largely in part after the video of Ray Rice beating his then fiance now wife in an Atlantic Casino elevator. As I had written in previous blogs this put a face on something that was for the most part kept behind closed doors and not talked about by the victims. Suddenly the media was talking and sharing their outrage and the public was weighing in too. Some very successful women including Meredith Vieira told their personal story of domestic violence and everything she went through emotionally and physically while being victimized. This allowed many victims to come out of the shadows and reach out for help.
Then in late August the NFL made sweeping changes to their Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault punishment policy taking a very vocal stand saying it's not OK. Today Ray Rice and his lawyers will begin the process of appealing his punishment essentially turning back the clock. His argument being that he was punished initially by the NFL with a suspension and then received a 2nd punishment after the policy was changed. If this is his idea of turning a corner and repenting it's not the way to go about it.
From what I've learned about domestic violence abusers and as a victim/survivor of a serial date rapist, even after serving their punishments the abusers go back to their abusive ways. In my opinion no punishment for these offenders is long or harsh enough. What we do have in our favor is our voices. I've learned throughout my healing process that my voice along with the many supporters of family, friends and advocates is very powerful and I will use it for however long and far it will take me to stop violence against women (& men) for good!
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Practicing Self-Care
...I wanted to go over an important part of sexual assault recovery that I had become aware of only this year and until just recently began practicing myself. Although I received professional help on a regular basis from a trained rape counselor and am certain this was worked into my treatment I don't ever recall the term Self-Care being used by my counselor Laura from WOAR. Once I was accepted into the RAINN Speakers Bureau, thoroughly reviewed their website and documentation provided and connected with other rape crisis centers and organizations on Twitter did I see that phrase and study what it meant. I also began reading blogs by other victims/survivors of sexual assault who discussed the topic as part of their own recovery.
Good Self-Care is especially important for survivors of rape and sexual assault and part of the healing process and in my situation, as I discovered, still necessary over 10 years later. There are two central areas which are physical and emotional. Physical self-care includes Food, Exercise, Sleep and Medical Care and Emotional self-care is much more involved but can include Counseling, Journaling, Meditation and Relaxation Exercises and choosing the type of people you spend your time with and support they provide you. This is just an overview and I have provided a link below to the RAINN website which provides more details and information.
Although I was drugged and raped 10 1/2 years ago, received and completed counseling and sought justice through the courts I have written many times in my blog that I am still healing as I reach certain milestones and achieve certain accomplishments. In the past 5 1/2 years I have publicly given speeches and told my story to many groups. It's only this year that the frequency of those speeches has increased because I am now giving them on a full-time basis. I am also no longer living alone but now with my boyfriend and he began to point out my conduct before and after my speeches. My "freak outs" prior to leaving the house and my mood once I returned home were blatantly obvious to Steve as atypical behavior for me. I realized that before a speech I'm not particularly nervous and thought my anxiousness was because of a wardrobe issue. Then thinking back to all those previous speeches and my feelings of exhaustion hours afterward it was like a light bulb going on over my head. Every time I tell my story it takes a small emotional toll on me. I spent several years in which it was a part of my every day life and always at the front of my brain. That went away once the trials were over and the counseling concluded but I should have had the presence of mind to know this is a part of me and who I am and will always be there in some capacity.
Then I decided to continue to tell my story because it felt good to do so and I was in my own small way on track to help other victims. While doing that and telling my story I was bringing up painful memories and complicated emotions and not taking care of myself after which should have been common sense but clearly too obvious for me to see. What I thought was since I felt good during and immediately following a speech but once the adrenaline rush went away I was left with the painful memories. Now that I knew what was wrong I could fix it.
I am happy to say that the speech I gave 10 days ago went much differently. I prepared myself better prior to and took care of myself following the event. I thought it important to share this particular experience.Since victims and survivors are finding their way through the many stages of healing and as many of us (I wish it to be all) move on to have very healthy successful lives there will always be obstacles and challenges we need to meet head on and overcome. I'm living proof it can be done!
Practice whichever part of Self-Care works for you because no one knows what's best for us better than ourselves.
RAINN Self-Care for Survivors
Good Self-Care is especially important for survivors of rape and sexual assault and part of the healing process and in my situation, as I discovered, still necessary over 10 years later. There are two central areas which are physical and emotional. Physical self-care includes Food, Exercise, Sleep and Medical Care and Emotional self-care is much more involved but can include Counseling, Journaling, Meditation and Relaxation Exercises and choosing the type of people you spend your time with and support they provide you. This is just an overview and I have provided a link below to the RAINN website which provides more details and information.
Although I was drugged and raped 10 1/2 years ago, received and completed counseling and sought justice through the courts I have written many times in my blog that I am still healing as I reach certain milestones and achieve certain accomplishments. In the past 5 1/2 years I have publicly given speeches and told my story to many groups. It's only this year that the frequency of those speeches has increased because I am now giving them on a full-time basis. I am also no longer living alone but now with my boyfriend and he began to point out my conduct before and after my speeches. My "freak outs" prior to leaving the house and my mood once I returned home were blatantly obvious to Steve as atypical behavior for me. I realized that before a speech I'm not particularly nervous and thought my anxiousness was because of a wardrobe issue. Then thinking back to all those previous speeches and my feelings of exhaustion hours afterward it was like a light bulb going on over my head. Every time I tell my story it takes a small emotional toll on me. I spent several years in which it was a part of my every day life and always at the front of my brain. That went away once the trials were over and the counseling concluded but I should have had the presence of mind to know this is a part of me and who I am and will always be there in some capacity.
Then I decided to continue to tell my story because it felt good to do so and I was in my own small way on track to help other victims. While doing that and telling my story I was bringing up painful memories and complicated emotions and not taking care of myself after which should have been common sense but clearly too obvious for me to see. What I thought was since I felt good during and immediately following a speech but once the adrenaline rush went away I was left with the painful memories. Now that I knew what was wrong I could fix it.
I am happy to say that the speech I gave 10 days ago went much differently. I prepared myself better prior to and took care of myself following the event. I thought it important to share this particular experience.Since victims and survivors are finding their way through the many stages of healing and as many of us (I wish it to be all) move on to have very healthy successful lives there will always be obstacles and challenges we need to meet head on and overcome. I'm living proof it can be done!
Practice whichever part of Self-Care works for you because no one knows what's best for us better than ourselves.
RAINN Self-Care for Survivors
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Inspired by Another Survivor
...Back in April I had participated in the first annual Lace Up for RAINN Virtual 5k. After completing the walk I tweeted my picture and participation proudly and as a result I connected with another survivor on Twitter that also participated and who has now become a very good friend. Although separated by thousands of miles, 3 times zones and have never met face to face those things don't matter. We have a bond that is having been sexually assaulted. Not only that but we each spoke out, contacted law enforcement and sought counseling by those specifically trained to deal with our issues. Dana is also a blogger, advocate but in addition a talented musician (something we do not share).
After exchanging just a few tweets we became instant friends and communicated frequently about what we were each doing to try and make a difference. Our stories are different as she is a survivor of childhood sexual assault and mine is being drugged and date raped as an adult. This does not matter because the big picture goals are the same. We each have something to offer the other since on one side I have been speaking for several years and on the other she began blogging and journaling long before I decided to put my words in black and white. We can share everything from accomplishments to setbacks and frustrations and consult one another on our goals when necessary. Not since meeting the other Jeffrey Marsalis victims and becoming friends with Kristen have I felt this comfortable with someone but with Dana she and I get up every day and work on our missions. I am thankful to have her as a friend.
Which brings me to launching my blog. It hadn't even been on my radar until a few months into JoAnnSpeaksOut but after getting more familiar with Twitter and advocacy work it seemed like the natural progression. Steve had a blog and was encouraging me to get one started saying it was the perfect way to get my message out to the masses and hopefully turn it into something bigger. Then once I met Dana and began reading her blog it put my creativity and motivation on the fast track. Also once the college semester was over and my contacts would be on their Holiday breaks I would have more time to devote to writing. This was new territory for me and I wanted to focus as much attention to it as possible.
My story has a beginning, middle and end (unlike the majority of rape victims) so when I first wrote my speech that's the path I took and logically I would write the blog that way but I had no idea what it was going to do for me personally. Each day I sat down at my desk to write another piece of the story thoughts and perspective that I never knew I had flowed out onto the computer screen. I think it was because I had the opportunity to break it down to the tiniest details in addition to have the perspective that time offers you. This all began 10 years ago for me so that's a lot of time to have thoughts bouncing around in your head. I was now also 2,500 miles away living in a new town, a new home with a new life. It was almost as if I could now step outside of myself and look in to what I experienced. As the days past and the posts were written I realized that I liked what I was doing, could say everything I was thinking and even share a bit of the funny side to it.
I want to thank all my blog readers and let you know I appreciate each and every one of you for taking the time to read what I have to say and hope you continue to enjoy my posts...
If you are interested in Dana's story and her blog go to AfterSilence87
After exchanging just a few tweets we became instant friends and communicated frequently about what we were each doing to try and make a difference. Our stories are different as she is a survivor of childhood sexual assault and mine is being drugged and date raped as an adult. This does not matter because the big picture goals are the same. We each have something to offer the other since on one side I have been speaking for several years and on the other she began blogging and journaling long before I decided to put my words in black and white. We can share everything from accomplishments to setbacks and frustrations and consult one another on our goals when necessary. Not since meeting the other Jeffrey Marsalis victims and becoming friends with Kristen have I felt this comfortable with someone but with Dana she and I get up every day and work on our missions. I am thankful to have her as a friend.
Which brings me to launching my blog. It hadn't even been on my radar until a few months into JoAnnSpeaksOut but after getting more familiar with Twitter and advocacy work it seemed like the natural progression. Steve had a blog and was encouraging me to get one started saying it was the perfect way to get my message out to the masses and hopefully turn it into something bigger. Then once I met Dana and began reading her blog it put my creativity and motivation on the fast track. Also once the college semester was over and my contacts would be on their Holiday breaks I would have more time to devote to writing. This was new territory for me and I wanted to focus as much attention to it as possible.
My story has a beginning, middle and end (unlike the majority of rape victims) so when I first wrote my speech that's the path I took and logically I would write the blog that way but I had no idea what it was going to do for me personally. Each day I sat down at my desk to write another piece of the story thoughts and perspective that I never knew I had flowed out onto the computer screen. I think it was because I had the opportunity to break it down to the tiniest details in addition to have the perspective that time offers you. This all began 10 years ago for me so that's a lot of time to have thoughts bouncing around in your head. I was now also 2,500 miles away living in a new town, a new home with a new life. It was almost as if I could now step outside of myself and look in to what I experienced. As the days past and the posts were written I realized that I liked what I was doing, could say everything I was thinking and even share a bit of the funny side to it.
I want to thank all my blog readers and let you know I appreciate each and every one of you for taking the time to read what I have to say and hope you continue to enjoy my posts...
If you are interested in Dana's story and her blog go to AfterSilence87
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Getting Back to Business
...As much as I enjoyed Part 1 & 2 of my visit back home when I got back to LA (my new home now) there was a lot of work to do. I had my first meeting scheduled with the Director of Strength United only a few days later. It was then that I was asked to join their organization as a speaker and with short notice invited to attend and speak at an advocates meeting that Saturday. This would be a group of students who attend CSU Northridge and volunteer to either monitor the rape crisis hotline or to accompany victims when giving statements to the police and/or getting a rape kit examination. They had yet to have a survivor speak at one of their meetings and the director thought it would be a valuable step in their learning and experience process. It's also always a good thing for me to hear other stories of victims and survivors.
Next I had to add the missing pieces to my website which were the recording of my speech to the Penn students and a logo. For the time being I would post the raw video footage but I wanted to get it edited down at some point. The video was an important part of my website because it added validity to it and as I was reaching out and trying to make contacts they would have a sample of my work to reference. The logo was a bit more challenging for me even more so than designing my website. I was completely out of my element here and didn't know who to hire but I had received an email solicitation a few weeks earlier and then a follow up email from a graphic designer so I googled her and checked out the reviews and took a chance and hired her. This next part was fun because she had a questionnaire for me to fill out so I could narrow down what I wanted and didn't want. Within days I received 4 samples, picked the one I liked and asked her to adjust it a bit and settled on the one you see now. I was extremely happy with the results and surprised how easy it was.
April was right around the corner with a very busy month planned as it is Sexual Assault Awareness Month and I had several requests from colleges to speak at their Take Back The Night (TBTN) events. In the 2nd week of April I would attend the UCLA Clothesline Project speak out and two weeks later I would be the keynote speaker at the CSU Long Beach TBTN event. Just a few days prior I had a meeting with the CARE Director/Counselor for the UC Irvine. This meeting also went very well as she invited me to be a part of their speakers bureau. In just four months I had made a lot of progress and couldn't have been happier. When I started this adventure in January I had no idea what success I would have with it and how long it would take to achieve but by the end of April I had my answers.
My general outlook on life is positive, it was how I was raised but don't get me wrong I had setbacks and rejections. My first real one was a response to an RFP I submitted to be a keynote speaker for the NOVA National Organization for Victims Assistance yearly conference. I let it bring me down a bit for an afternoon but snapped out of it and moved on by the next day. I was later told by a experience professional in the field and one familiar with this conference that they receive many more times the requests than they have the limited speaking opportunities so I felt a little better about not being chosen. I didn't have time to wallow in self pity anyway because May and June would prove to be pivotal...
Next I had to add the missing pieces to my website which were the recording of my speech to the Penn students and a logo. For the time being I would post the raw video footage but I wanted to get it edited down at some point. The video was an important part of my website because it added validity to it and as I was reaching out and trying to make contacts they would have a sample of my work to reference. The logo was a bit more challenging for me even more so than designing my website. I was completely out of my element here and didn't know who to hire but I had received an email solicitation a few weeks earlier and then a follow up email from a graphic designer so I googled her and checked out the reviews and took a chance and hired her. This next part was fun because she had a questionnaire for me to fill out so I could narrow down what I wanted and didn't want. Within days I received 4 samples, picked the one I liked and asked her to adjust it a bit and settled on the one you see now. I was extremely happy with the results and surprised how easy it was.
April was right around the corner with a very busy month planned as it is Sexual Assault Awareness Month and I had several requests from colleges to speak at their Take Back The Night (TBTN) events. In the 2nd week of April I would attend the UCLA Clothesline Project speak out and two weeks later I would be the keynote speaker at the CSU Long Beach TBTN event. Just a few days prior I had a meeting with the CARE Director/Counselor for the UC Irvine. This meeting also went very well as she invited me to be a part of their speakers bureau. In just four months I had made a lot of progress and couldn't have been happier. When I started this adventure in January I had no idea what success I would have with it and how long it would take to achieve but by the end of April I had my answers.
My general outlook on life is positive, it was how I was raised but don't get me wrong I had setbacks and rejections. My first real one was a response to an RFP I submitted to be a keynote speaker for the NOVA National Organization for Victims Assistance yearly conference. I let it bring me down a bit for an afternoon but snapped out of it and moved on by the next day. I was later told by a experience professional in the field and one familiar with this conference that they receive many more times the requests than they have the limited speaking opportunities so I felt a little better about not being chosen. I didn't have time to wallow in self pity anyway because May and June would prove to be pivotal...
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