LaceUp4 RAINN

This originally appeared as a Guest Blog for The UnSlut Project. Please check out their website & "work to undo the dangerous sexual bullying and 'slut' shaming in schools, community, media and culture".

On Saturday May 9th I participated in the 2nd Annual Lace Up for RAINN 5K. I was really looking forward to the event again this year since it had such a positive affect on my life and career as speaker and advocate for sexual assault awareness. Originally I found out about the event as a proud member of the RAINN Speakers Bureau.

The event is set up as a virtual 5K so you can join in with your team or as an individual from wherever you live at whatever time of that day is convenient and for someone like me who would be walking by myself it's perfect. The goal is "to raise awareness in a fun, approachable way and to connect with others who are passionate about the cause". Last year the event did just that for me. At the time JoAnnSpeaksOut only had a website and Twitter account so once I completed the 5K I posted my picture and comments on Twitter with all the hashtags and as a result I connected with an amazing girl (also a sexual assault survivor) from Michigan. We became fast friends over social media having many things in common and in part because of her I was inspired to start my blog which is now going strong almost a year later.

Within the past few months I have expanded my social media presence for JoAnnSpeaksOut onto Facebook and Instagram and knew I would be able to spread the message of Lace Up for RAINN much further. I even had the confidence this year to create a fundraising page with a template provided by the event organizers. I set a modest goal and with the help of my always supportive boyfriend who assisted me in spreading the message I reached that goal. Because of all those generous donations 10 victims of sexual abuse will receive the help they so desperately need and deserve.

The numbers came in for the 2015 Lace Up! RAINN reported 210 participants nationwide with 651 miles run in communities across the country to raise awareness. Most importantly $20,879 was raised to support more than 2,000 survivors of sexual assault.

My fundraising page will continue to be active through the end of May. If you are interested in helping to make an impact on the lives of many survivors please consider a donation.

JoAnnSpeaksOut Fundraising Page

Maybe next year I will go the next step and organize a team but for now here is my picture as an individual participant.

Still More Work to Do

In my Day 1 SAAM blog I wrote about how inspired and excited I was for the interest shown by all the new people I was meeting through my recent job adventure. Today, Day 2, I want to talk about those who choose to not just be unreceptive of victims and survivors stories but engage in nasty name calling to supporters who attempt to affect a change in rape culture. The people aren't just on the opposite side but engage in everything that is bad about a narrow-minded thinker including victim blaming, verbal abuse, harassment, etc. 

It all started because I backed a woman who launched a campaign to postpone or cancel Bill Cosby comedy shows and support all the women (his victims) who bravely came forward to speak up and tell their horrific experiences with the comedian/actor. I then promoted the cause through my Twitter and Facebook accounts. About a week later I was included in a twitter tirade launched by a very small minded man who uses words for evil as well as try and hurt people instead of using them for good or productive results. The following is a summary of his multiple tweets: Calling into question her intelligence, accusing her of being paid off and finally the ever popular whore label. This is by no means the first time I have experience such nasty, hateful remarks nor is it the first time I blogged about it but coming off of an encouraging few weeks it was a reality check for me which in hindsight was not at all a bad thing by any means. 

Reading someone spew hate in tweet after tweet has a dual effect on me. First, it reminds me there are so many in this world who don't see things the way I do and probably never will. No matter how much information you provide them their opinion is not going to change nor do they want it to. Second, it only motivates me to work harder and spread my message further. I think the negative, closed minded part of the population is small and will slowly become isolated from the rest of us especially if they use their words to bully instead of express their opinions in a more clear and intelligent format. They can call me or my colleagues and supporters nasty names but as I have been known to say before "consider the source". The big picture is what they say doesn't really matter. Most of us regardless of what side of the topic you are on do not want to engage in that type of behavior and will step back from anyone who finds it acceptable. 

I choose to spread my message of date rape and sexual assault awareness to the open-minded and those who are simply unaware of the topic and looking to learn more. Even if they listen to what I have to say in speeches, tv interviews or read my blogs and tweets and never do anything about that's OK with me because not everyone is interested in being an activist. What they are interested in is being informed which the most I can wish for the general population. The reality is one day just maybe someone they know will come to them and share their own personal story of sexual assault and they now know just enough on how to react appropriately and compassionately.

The social media trolls will always be there but by no means do we have to acknowledge or engage them. I continue to tune out the negative and welcome the interested.

Many Ways to Heal

This week I was invited to and participated in an event at CSU Long Beach. As a part of the UC Irvine Speakers Bureau I received a request to sit on the university's peer education group PAUSE (Prevention Awareness Uniting Students with Empowerment) Recovery Panel as a way to create awareness of sexual assault for the students on campus. I was asked to share my story of being drugged and raped along with 3 other women. Then the audience would be open to questions. 

This was a well organized event with about 100 attendees. If you know anything about these campus events that is quite a large group and considered very successful. I was inspired by the interest among the students. Panelists ages ranged from 20's - 60's and although similarities occurred in our stories we each had individual experiences to share. 

The first speaker was a women who 50 years ago at the age of 15 was raped at gunpoint in her own home while her parents and brother slept in their beds. Her rapist then terrorized her for a year afterwards calling and hiding outside her house. Although the police had been called and conducted an investigation (there were other rapes in the neighborhood that night) it wasn't thorough and he was never caught. She suffered for years and after having seen many therapists her healing came when she finally met a counselor who specialized in trauma. It was then her healing process began and brought her to a place where she can finally speak out.

The next two women in their 20's and 30's were both drugged and raped while they were in college, one at a house party and one out a bar celebrating the end of the semester. Each were in situations where there were others around (friends, party goers, bar patrons) who could have at some point stepped in to help but for some reason did not. Similar to the first woman one had seen many therapists but finally received help from a specialized in trauma counselor and the other survivor although didn't find success in traditional counseling had finally found peace through a holistic healing arts approach specifically yoga. Neither one of these two women had positive experiences with law enforcement and their rapists were never caught. They are now happy one having recently gotten married and one having a sweet new baby who tagged along with her that evening.

Then there was me of course and I shared my story of having met my rapist on Match.com, navigated my way through the legal and counseling process and began my speak out and advocacy campaign not only to help others but to pay it forward. As I listened to each of these amazing women's stories I again realized how lucky I am for having had the support from not just my family and friends but law enforcement, prosecutors and received rape crisis counseling first before working my way through those unqualified for such specialized care. Not one of those three other women was able to say the same which saddens me when I hear it.

Once we completed our speeches the audience asked a wide range of insightful questions and some even stayed afterwards to speak with us. I was proud to be part of an amazing event and meet the other courageous survivors who have moved on with their lives and are too now giving back. One of them said that being raped will always be a part of you but it doesn't have to define you and without having said the words to myself I try to live them every day.