As I woke up this morning and to began contemplate the subject for my blog post I started checking my JoAnnSpeaksOut email, Facebook and Twitter accounts. There it was right in front of me more negative comments from @This_iz_Stupid. Let's first go back to my post from February 8th "A 'Life' Sentence - No Other Option" in which I wrote convicted rapists (child or adult) should only ever receive a Life sentence. There is no rehabilitation for rapists which explains why the Sex Offender label was created and added to rapists sentences. Rapists leave prison and they rape again. I spoke about my own personal experience with my attacker, Jeffrey Marsalis, and how he not only believed he did nothing wrong but his attorney used the classic 'victim blaming' defense stating his multiple victims were bitter and angry for having been lied to by him about his fabricated medical career, background, etc. The prosecutors, detectives and victims all knew that if he was ever to be released from prison he would rape again.
I received a tweet from @This_iz_Stupid saying "rape isn't as bad as murder, murder is the only crime that should be life". This resulted in support from several of my friends (both child rape victims) tweeting back at the anonymous account to the effect they must not be a victim and if they never experienced an assault how do they know. I responded with a comment stating how rape changes a victims life forever in the same manner a murder victim's family is changed forever. Other supportive comments included "statistics always show they don't stop."
What led me to this post was another tweet this morning from @This_iz_Stupid saying he/she?? "grew up with a b*tch step mom trying to take my dad's money with false rape accusations. (You could tell it was false cuz she wanted $4.5 mil)". Then @ROYALMRBADNEWS favorited the tweet. This was the last straw for me so I decided to not respond at all to the tweet but to use my words constructively.
First, how does @This_iz_Stupid know for a fact that his/her step mom was falsely accusing his/her dad? Victims of sexual violence can all too well relay the stories of their attackers having a Jekyll & Hyde type personality. Sexual predators can portray themselves one way in public and another way behind closed doors.
Next, the civil lawsuit does not immediately place a lack of credibility on the accuser. In the case of Jeffrey Marsalis (my attacker) there were dozens of victims who came forward to tell very similar stories of having been lured in by his charm and fabricated identity and the circumstances of their rape encounters with him. A prosecutor has to consider many different factors before moving forward with a rape case not to mention there is a statute of limitations on sexual assault. It is not uncommon for victims to decide to bring forth a civil suit against their attacker instead of going forward with a criminal trial. This does not alone make their accusation in-credible.
Finally, why does the public not blink twice when a murder victims families pursue a civil lawsuit to obtain justice for their loved one when the criminal trial doesn't have the proper outcome? The family only wants justice and will seek it any way that they can and rightly deserved I might add. My personal experience with seeking justice allows me to understand exactly what they are going through. Just as with a murderer or rapist receiving a Life sentence for their crimes a rape victim should be able to receive justice in a civil lawsuit the same way a murder victim's family does without judgement and criticism.
Showing posts with label Victim Blaming. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Victim Blaming. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
More Victim Blaming
Victim blaming is one of the biggest obstacles sexual assault and domestic violence organizations and prosecutors have to overcome. Why is it that with any other crime against a person the victim is not blamed? Burglaries, murders, carjackings, home invasions, muggings I could go on and on but you see where I am going with this and it is that when others stand in judgement or comment it's not directed toward the victim or anything they may have done to provoke a crime committed against them. What makes people so uncomfortable about a women being raped whether be it by a stranger on the street or out on a date or a celebrity or beaten by an intimate partner? Why isn't the first thought or words out of someone's mouth 'Is she OK?' not 'What was she wearing, was she drunk, what did she do to provoke such rage from a man???'
I have been on the receiving end of victim blaming as a survivor of date rape. I sat in court and listened to my rapists defense attorney sweet talk a jury into believing that because my attacker fabricated his profile on Match.com and lied directly to our faces about his life as a doctor and astronaut we were bitter. He told the jury that bitterness lead to our coming forward and accusing him of drugging and raping us. As much as you know what happened to you is not a lie listening to someone else deflect blame makes you feel very, very small. It is for that simple reason I speak out and advocate because I don't ever want another victim to feel like that.
We have come a long way since the introduction of the Violence Against Women Act was introduced in Congress 20 years ago but unfortunately there is still a long way to go. The recent coverage of the victims of Bill Cosby's sexual assaults I have been watching this week have made me proud of the work done by all the advocates who have come before me. The reporting has been fair telling both sides of the story from the victims point of view and any comment from the accused side until an interview with a victim by CNN's Don Lemon. He questioned her actions during the assault and why she didn't react in a certain, specific way. How dare he??!! Would he pose the question to Bill Cosby as to why he was drugging an raping women?
The backlash for his comments have been swift and viral. Let's continue to call out those who victim blame. It's not OK and it has to STOP!
I have been on the receiving end of victim blaming as a survivor of date rape. I sat in court and listened to my rapists defense attorney sweet talk a jury into believing that because my attacker fabricated his profile on Match.com and lied directly to our faces about his life as a doctor and astronaut we were bitter. He told the jury that bitterness lead to our coming forward and accusing him of drugging and raping us. As much as you know what happened to you is not a lie listening to someone else deflect blame makes you feel very, very small. It is for that simple reason I speak out and advocate because I don't ever want another victim to feel like that.
We have come a long way since the introduction of the Violence Against Women Act was introduced in Congress 20 years ago but unfortunately there is still a long way to go. The recent coverage of the victims of Bill Cosby's sexual assaults I have been watching this week have made me proud of the work done by all the advocates who have come before me. The reporting has been fair telling both sides of the story from the victims point of view and any comment from the accused side until an interview with a victim by CNN's Don Lemon. He questioned her actions during the assault and why she didn't react in a certain, specific way. How dare he??!! Would he pose the question to Bill Cosby as to why he was drugging an raping women?
The backlash for his comments have been swift and viral. Let's continue to call out those who victim blame. It's not OK and it has to STOP!
Friday, October 24, 2014
Celebrities and Sexual Assault
...Within the past few weeks there have been stories of well-known Hollywood male celebrities who have been successful for decades in their careers but have been accused of sexual assault. One of these celebs (Bill Cosby) was accused in the early 2000's by multiple women and another (Stephen Collins) most recently accused of child sexual abuse. Both have the lovable public persona but in private they are violent sexual abusers. In the case of Bill Cosby a monetary settlement was made to many of the victims and the case of Stephen Collins is still being investigated. The difference with these two men is one man's crimes have all been forgotten except for an outspoken comedian who won't let the public forget and the other has suffered the consequences professionally and personally. Sadly the adult women drugged and assaulted by Bill Cosby did not receive traditional justice in the courtroom and get to watch him continue with his career but with Stephen Collins the criminal cases for the young victims are getting a thorough investigation. Why is that?
Is it that the adult women are scrutinized and victim blamed and it happened 10 years ago while organizations were still fighting to bring awareness to their type of assault and now we have come so far that the young victims of Stephen Collins have the benefit of time and experience by all parties involved in the investigation? I hope it's the latter and not for some other reason. I then read an article (see link below) with a long list of celebrity men accused and some convicted and sentenced of sexual assault. Each of their crimes are as different as the punishments, public's reaction and how bad their careers suffered or how good their careers were afterward.
Celebrity Men Accused of Sexual Assault
The message I wanted to get across is that just because they are celebrities and we invite them into our homes on TV or attend the movies they star in doesn't make them any different than you and I and your neighbor next door. It doesn't make them our friend and because they are rich and famous it doesn't mean we know them. They should be held to the same standards as everyone else and they shouldn't be excused from their actions either just because they played some character that we really liked on TV.
UPDATE:
Most recently a request by Bill Cosby's twitter account posted a link to a meme-generator and it backfired. The people spoke by creating meme's with sexual assault and rape accusations. Bill Cosby may not have been punished by a traditional court but he certainly was in the court of public opinion. What followed was an Op-Ed piece by one of Cosby rape victims in which I have provided a link below.
Bill Cosby Rape Victim Barbara Bowman Op-Ed
Following the release of the tape where Stephen Collins admits to child molestation with a young female he was fired from the movie "Ted 2" and he then resigned from the SAG-AFTRA board. He is now preparing for a very high profile divorce from his wife of almost 30 years.
Is it that the adult women are scrutinized and victim blamed and it happened 10 years ago while organizations were still fighting to bring awareness to their type of assault and now we have come so far that the young victims of Stephen Collins have the benefit of time and experience by all parties involved in the investigation? I hope it's the latter and not for some other reason. I then read an article (see link below) with a long list of celebrity men accused and some convicted and sentenced of sexual assault. Each of their crimes are as different as the punishments, public's reaction and how bad their careers suffered or how good their careers were afterward.
Celebrity Men Accused of Sexual Assault
The message I wanted to get across is that just because they are celebrities and we invite them into our homes on TV or attend the movies they star in doesn't make them any different than you and I and your neighbor next door. It doesn't make them our friend and because they are rich and famous it doesn't mean we know them. They should be held to the same standards as everyone else and they shouldn't be excused from their actions either just because they played some character that we really liked on TV.
UPDATE:
Most recently a request by Bill Cosby's twitter account posted a link to a meme-generator and it backfired. The people spoke by creating meme's with sexual assault and rape accusations. Bill Cosby may not have been punished by a traditional court but he certainly was in the court of public opinion. What followed was an Op-Ed piece by one of Cosby rape victims in which I have provided a link below.
Bill Cosby Rape Victim Barbara Bowman Op-Ed
Following the release of the tape where Stephen Collins admits to child molestation with a young female he was fired from the movie "Ted 2" and he then resigned from the SAG-AFTRA board. He is now preparing for a very high profile divorce from his wife of almost 30 years.
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Mixed Messages
...I read an article today where in Oklahoma three law enforcement officials were arrested for sexually assaulting women on the job. A captain for the OK Highway Patrol offered some very valuable advice on how women should protect themselves when getting pulled over but then he says "to follow the law in the first place so you don't get pulled over."
This is yet another example of the mixed messages sent out to women when it comes to reporting a sexual assault. We are urging victims to come forward and report the crime committed against them but when they do they are not always met with the support from law enforcement that I was lucky enough to receive. Every time I hear another story of a victim treated with disrespect it only drives me to work harder on my mission to speak out. Upon minutes of tweeting out this story I received a message back of woman who while waiting for her rape kit to be done was told "if you hang with dogs you get fleas." This was only the beginning to her day of horrors and mistreatment by law enforcement. I am also aware of victims who were told the statute of limitations ran out and subsequently not able to speak publicly of their attacker. These are just a sample of the many stories told to me by victims.
Currently there is a major campaign called End The Backlog where hundreds of thousands of rape kits just sitting in police and crime lab storage facilities are waiting to be tested. This means that the victims have bravely come forward to report a sexual assault, gone through what can be an uncomfortable and traumatic experience of the rape kit exam but the case then stalls because the DNA is never run through the local and national databases. Victims do not get justice and healing and this leaves the attacker free to rape again. I struggle with a similar circumstance in which if I had trusted my instincts that night and reported my date rape so many other women that met him after me would not have been raped by Jeffrey Marsalis.
All of the above add up to mixed messages sent to victims out there questioning whether they should report their sexual assault. We can't continue on this path. It needs to start with Law enforcement educating their police force properly. Why is it that some cities do such a good job of it and others not so much. They are there to assist victims and not offer personal opinions. We also need to continue this dialogue and call out those who are simply doing it wrong.
If you would like to read the article that inspired me I have attached a link below:
Huffington Post Article
If you would like to learn more about End The Backlog I have attached a link below:
End The Backlog
This is yet another example of the mixed messages sent out to women when it comes to reporting a sexual assault. We are urging victims to come forward and report the crime committed against them but when they do they are not always met with the support from law enforcement that I was lucky enough to receive. Every time I hear another story of a victim treated with disrespect it only drives me to work harder on my mission to speak out. Upon minutes of tweeting out this story I received a message back of woman who while waiting for her rape kit to be done was told "if you hang with dogs you get fleas." This was only the beginning to her day of horrors and mistreatment by law enforcement. I am also aware of victims who were told the statute of limitations ran out and subsequently not able to speak publicly of their attacker. These are just a sample of the many stories told to me by victims.
Currently there is a major campaign called End The Backlog where hundreds of thousands of rape kits just sitting in police and crime lab storage facilities are waiting to be tested. This means that the victims have bravely come forward to report a sexual assault, gone through what can be an uncomfortable and traumatic experience of the rape kit exam but the case then stalls because the DNA is never run through the local and national databases. Victims do not get justice and healing and this leaves the attacker free to rape again. I struggle with a similar circumstance in which if I had trusted my instincts that night and reported my date rape so many other women that met him after me would not have been raped by Jeffrey Marsalis.
All of the above add up to mixed messages sent to victims out there questioning whether they should report their sexual assault. We can't continue on this path. It needs to start with Law enforcement educating their police force properly. Why is it that some cities do such a good job of it and others not so much. They are there to assist victims and not offer personal opinions. We also need to continue this dialogue and call out those who are simply doing it wrong.
If you would like to read the article that inspired me I have attached a link below:
Huffington Post Article
If you would like to learn more about End The Backlog I have attached a link below:
End The Backlog
Friday, September 19, 2014
It's On Us
...On September 19, 2014 the White House is launched a new public awareness campaign to prevent sexual assault on college campuses. The message "It's On Us" aims to shift the way the public thinks about sexual assault. A PSA was released with compassionate celebrities helping to spread a message to not blame the victim or look the other way. They have partnered with RAINN to spread the message and mobilize men and women on college campuses and hopefully beyond with 5 ways to get involved. One of which is a pledge below and a message that I and many other victims, survivors, and sexual assault related organizations have been working to spread publicly for a very long time.
To RECOGNIZE that non-consensual sex is sexual assault.
To IDENTIFY situations in which sexual assault may occur.
To INTERVENE in situations where consent has not or cannot be given.
To CREATE and environment in which sexual assault is unacceptable.
My own personal campaign began nearly 9 years ago when I walked into the Philadelphia SVU building and sat down with a detective to tell my story of being drugged and raped. I did not know at the time that after the trials ended 3 1/2 years later I would continue my speak out campaign and advocacy work and that it would become my full-time mission. I knew the personal support I received from law enforcement, prosecutors, media, rape crisis centers and colleges I spoke to but until my daily involvement I didn't know of the large community of support from other survivors and organizations. I then realized how much the movement was growing exponentially and more recent support provided by the White House and Congress not to mention just getting people talking when they never would have before.
Awareness for phrases like victim blaming and engaged bystander spread far beyond just victims, survivors and the anti-sexual assault community but to where the public knows what they mean and can act if necessary. The explosion of social media has allowed us to be in a position to shame those who misbehave and I mean those who speak or act out in a vulgar, inappropriate, unacceptable manner. We all have to right to be safe whether from verbal or physical sexual assaults. 1 in 5 will be assaulted on college campuses and every two minutes another American is sexually assaulted, but because of the work completed sexual assault has fallen 50% in recent years and that's because awareness has increased. There is a lot of work still to be done but with campaigns like "It's On Us", "1 is 2 Many" and the continued awareness and advocacy I am confident we are on a continued path of success.
For more information on the "It's On Us" campaign, how to get involved or donate to support the Week of Action go to...
ItsOnUs.org
Week of Action
RAINN.org
To RECOGNIZE that non-consensual sex is sexual assault.
To IDENTIFY situations in which sexual assault may occur.
To INTERVENE in situations where consent has not or cannot be given.
To CREATE and environment in which sexual assault is unacceptable.
My own personal campaign began nearly 9 years ago when I walked into the Philadelphia SVU building and sat down with a detective to tell my story of being drugged and raped. I did not know at the time that after the trials ended 3 1/2 years later I would continue my speak out campaign and advocacy work and that it would become my full-time mission. I knew the personal support I received from law enforcement, prosecutors, media, rape crisis centers and colleges I spoke to but until my daily involvement I didn't know of the large community of support from other survivors and organizations. I then realized how much the movement was growing exponentially and more recent support provided by the White House and Congress not to mention just getting people talking when they never would have before.
Awareness for phrases like victim blaming and engaged bystander spread far beyond just victims, survivors and the anti-sexual assault community but to where the public knows what they mean and can act if necessary. The explosion of social media has allowed us to be in a position to shame those who misbehave and I mean those who speak or act out in a vulgar, inappropriate, unacceptable manner. We all have to right to be safe whether from verbal or physical sexual assaults. 1 in 5 will be assaulted on college campuses and every two minutes another American is sexually assaulted, but because of the work completed sexual assault has fallen 50% in recent years and that's because awareness has increased. There is a lot of work still to be done but with campaigns like "It's On Us", "1 is 2 Many" and the continued awareness and advocacy I am confident we are on a continued path of success.
For more information on the "It's On Us" campaign, how to get involved or donate to support the Week of Action go to...
ItsOnUs.org
Week of Action
RAINN.org
Friday, September 12, 2014
Why Still Victim Blaming?
...As a supporter and advocate of violence against women I was surprised and sickened yet again by the victim blaming I was seeing on TV after the Baltimore Ravens game last night. The reporters approached women wearing Ray Rice jerseys and asked them why they would continue to support a player who is no longer on the team and suspended by the NFL not because of an injury or minor infraction but because he brutally assaulted and knocked unconscious his then fiancee and now wife. Their comments ranged from 'she hit him first' and 'he had a right to defend himself' to 'he's a good man who has done a lot for the city of Baltimore'. It didn't matter the reason, excuse or comment they had (some actually had the facts of the assault incorrect). What was troubling to me is that women continue to blame the victim.
Victim blaming is one of the biggest obstacles domestic violence and sexual assault organizations and prosecutors have to overcome. Why is it that with any other crime against a person the victim is not blamed? Burglaries, murders, carjackings, home invasions, muggings I could go on and on but you see where I am going with this and it is that when others stand in judgement or comment it's not directed toward the victim or anything they may have done to provoke a crime committed against them. What makes people so uncomfortable about a women being beaten by an intimate partner or raped whether be it by a stranger on the street or out on a date? Why isn't the first thought or words out of someone's mouth 'Is she OK?' not 'What was she wearing, was she drunk, what did she do to provoke such rage from a man???'
I have been on the receiving end of victim blaming as a survivor of date rape. I sat in court and listened to my rapists defense attorney sweet talk a jury into believing that because my attacker fabricated his profile on Match.com and lied directly to our faces about his life as a doctor and astronaut we were bitter. He told the jury that bitterness lead to our coming forward and accusing him of drugging and raping us. As much as you know what happened to you is not a lie listening to someone else deflect blame makes you feel very, very small. It is for that simple reason I speak out and advocate because I don't ever want another victim to feel like that.
We have come a long way since the introduction of the Violence Against Women Act was introduced in Congress 20 years ago but unfortunately there is still a long way to go. For the most part the coverage I have been watching this week has made me proud of the work done by all the advocates who have come before me. The sports commentators, the morning show hosts, the local and national news anchors and reports from the man/women on the street didn't hesitate to show their support for the VAW cause and the disgust for those opinions who for some misguided reason think otherwise.
What gets me every time is the victim blaming from other women. As women we need to stand together and support each other not criticize. Women are the backbone of society and we can do anything and everything we put our mind to but so many want to stand back and point out flaws, failures and generally what other women are doing wrong. It needs to stop! We need to come together because until women stop victim blaming then how are those men that do it motivated to stop too. Let's challenge each other to change the culture and ask those who do victim blame to educate themselves so as not to continue the cycle into the next generation...
Victim blaming is one of the biggest obstacles domestic violence and sexual assault organizations and prosecutors have to overcome. Why is it that with any other crime against a person the victim is not blamed? Burglaries, murders, carjackings, home invasions, muggings I could go on and on but you see where I am going with this and it is that when others stand in judgement or comment it's not directed toward the victim or anything they may have done to provoke a crime committed against them. What makes people so uncomfortable about a women being beaten by an intimate partner or raped whether be it by a stranger on the street or out on a date? Why isn't the first thought or words out of someone's mouth 'Is she OK?' not 'What was she wearing, was she drunk, what did she do to provoke such rage from a man???'
I have been on the receiving end of victim blaming as a survivor of date rape. I sat in court and listened to my rapists defense attorney sweet talk a jury into believing that because my attacker fabricated his profile on Match.com and lied directly to our faces about his life as a doctor and astronaut we were bitter. He told the jury that bitterness lead to our coming forward and accusing him of drugging and raping us. As much as you know what happened to you is not a lie listening to someone else deflect blame makes you feel very, very small. It is for that simple reason I speak out and advocate because I don't ever want another victim to feel like that.
We have come a long way since the introduction of the Violence Against Women Act was introduced in Congress 20 years ago but unfortunately there is still a long way to go. For the most part the coverage I have been watching this week has made me proud of the work done by all the advocates who have come before me. The sports commentators, the morning show hosts, the local and national news anchors and reports from the man/women on the street didn't hesitate to show their support for the VAW cause and the disgust for those opinions who for some misguided reason think otherwise.
What gets me every time is the victim blaming from other women. As women we need to stand together and support each other not criticize. Women are the backbone of society and we can do anything and everything we put our mind to but so many want to stand back and point out flaws, failures and generally what other women are doing wrong. It needs to stop! We need to come together because until women stop victim blaming then how are those men that do it motivated to stop too. Let's challenge each other to change the culture and ask those who do victim blame to educate themselves so as not to continue the cycle into the next generation...
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Consider the Source
The experience that follows reminds me how many people do not believe or support reports of sexual assault, rape or date-rape. It is also another reason why it's so important to recognize Sexual Assault Awareness Month, not Day or Week. We in the community with a lot of hard work and perseverance have come a long way in recent years but still have a lot of work to do.
Last year I had been a guest of Rosie Tran on her Out of the Box podcast. She brought me on to tell my story, discuss rape culture and what we can do to get the conversation going about the victims of rape and sexual assault in order to make reporting easier and to finally bring the topic out from a Taboo subject and into the open for discussion subject. Rosie tweeted out and posted on Facebook that the podcast was up and ready for the listeners. Her show description read "This week we have JoAnn Buttaro, date rape survivor who put her serial rapist behind bars!!!" I was made aware of a comment posted to her Facebook page from a man who proudly promotes on his page that he's a Hobby Lobby supporter. (A privately owned chain of craft stores that inserts its religious beliefs into the model of their business. The company has been in the news for their refusal to provide certain forms of birth control to women but offer men whatever they need for their sexual health.)
The comment he posted was as follows "He and I got super drunk and wasted and then we had sex - in essence he raped meeee..." This of course implies that I regretted what happened the night I was drugged and sexually assaulted so I cried rape. He clearly didn't listen to the podcast and his first thought was to immediately assume I was making the whole thing up. What bothers me most is that an opinion was formed without a chance to hear the entire story first. I always give people the benefit of the doubt before ever making a snap judgement and naively believe others do the same. This of course was not the case! It also reminded me of long ago comments made online 8 years ago just prior to and during Jeffrey Marsalis' trial that I should not have read. Those comments were in support of my attacker from people who said they "knew" him and couldn't possibly believe he was a serial rapist and others who simply didn't believe the victims reports. Now I can take a negative comment, think about it rationally, consider the source and move on. At the time I was early in the counseling process and not emotionally equipped to handle such comments.
What this man may also be unaware of, because he's proven himself one who doesn't gather his facts, is that 1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted rape or completed rape in her lifetime. 60% of sexual assaults are not reported to the police. The sad thing is that it's likely he may be surrounded by colleagues in a meeting, attending a party with friends or at a family gathering and a woman he knows in any of these groups has been sexually assaulted. If he knew those statistics would he still make those comments? I think not!
As I continue to speak out about my sexual assault and advocate for those victims that can't or won't speak for whatever reason I open myself up to these types of comments from small minded people. What I can do is take them, learn from them and figure out a way to spin something malicious into something productive. I also want to thank the readers of my blog, listeners of my podcast interviews or those who have attended my speaches. Any and all support is greatly appreciated and it's not lost on me for a moment.
If you are interested in the podcast's I've recorded go to the media links page of my website.
JoAnnSpeaksOut.com
Last year I had been a guest of Rosie Tran on her Out of the Box podcast. She brought me on to tell my story, discuss rape culture and what we can do to get the conversation going about the victims of rape and sexual assault in order to make reporting easier and to finally bring the topic out from a Taboo subject and into the open for discussion subject. Rosie tweeted out and posted on Facebook that the podcast was up and ready for the listeners. Her show description read "This week we have JoAnn Buttaro, date rape survivor who put her serial rapist behind bars!!!" I was made aware of a comment posted to her Facebook page from a man who proudly promotes on his page that he's a Hobby Lobby supporter. (A privately owned chain of craft stores that inserts its religious beliefs into the model of their business. The company has been in the news for their refusal to provide certain forms of birth control to women but offer men whatever they need for their sexual health.)
The comment he posted was as follows "He and I got super drunk and wasted and then we had sex - in essence he raped meeee..." This of course implies that I regretted what happened the night I was drugged and sexually assaulted so I cried rape. He clearly didn't listen to the podcast and his first thought was to immediately assume I was making the whole thing up. What bothers me most is that an opinion was formed without a chance to hear the entire story first. I always give people the benefit of the doubt before ever making a snap judgement and naively believe others do the same. This of course was not the case! It also reminded me of long ago comments made online 8 years ago just prior to and during Jeffrey Marsalis' trial that I should not have read. Those comments were in support of my attacker from people who said they "knew" him and couldn't possibly believe he was a serial rapist and others who simply didn't believe the victims reports. Now I can take a negative comment, think about it rationally, consider the source and move on. At the time I was early in the counseling process and not emotionally equipped to handle such comments.
What this man may also be unaware of, because he's proven himself one who doesn't gather his facts, is that 1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted rape or completed rape in her lifetime. 60% of sexual assaults are not reported to the police. The sad thing is that it's likely he may be surrounded by colleagues in a meeting, attending a party with friends or at a family gathering and a woman he knows in any of these groups has been sexually assaulted. If he knew those statistics would he still make those comments? I think not!
As I continue to speak out about my sexual assault and advocate for those victims that can't or won't speak for whatever reason I open myself up to these types of comments from small minded people. What I can do is take them, learn from them and figure out a way to spin something malicious into something productive. I also want to thank the readers of my blog, listeners of my podcast interviews or those who have attended my speaches. Any and all support is greatly appreciated and it's not lost on me for a moment.
If you are interested in the podcast's I've recorded go to the media links page of my website.
JoAnnSpeaksOut.com
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