FROM VICTIM TO SURVIVOR
To tell my story as a date rape survivor and communicate my message in a way that can help the most people.
Los Angeles was the most recent host of the Special Olympics World Games and I was lucky enough to have been a Volunteer and selected to be a part of the Media Operations Team as a Steward. My assignment was for the 1st day of the games when they conduct their Divisioning round at the Table Tennis event. I worked with several other volunteers sharing the same post and we connected immediately. It was a fun, exciting, upbeat atmosphere and we didn't find out until later that our event was one of few that had a DJ playing music the entire day which only added to the spirit and energy.
I sat at the bottom of the viewing stands meeting not just other volunteers, but athletes, coaches and delegates from around the world. I observed the athletes/kids, despite their various challenges, acting just like any other no matter which country they were from. It struck me how amazing that is to see them tease each other, be competitive also sharing in each others joy when winning or consolation when not moving ahead in the event. I observed many other inspirational moments that day.
A young guy in his 20's named Sergei from Sochi, Russia flew here to be a volunteer for the week. He caught the "bug" when he volunteered for the Summer Olympics and Paralympics in his hometown a few years ago and shortly thereafter signing up for the Special Olympics World Games planning his first trip to America. We talked for about a 1/2 hour sharing our life stories with his English being excellent. I was so impressed by him, his spirit of adventure and interest in giving back at such a young age and honored to have had that time getting to know him.
That day I took a lot of pictures for the purpose of not only posting them on social media and raising awareness for the Games that week but so I wouldn't forget a moment of my experience. My volunteer partner had stepped away for a few minutes so I was left alone to people watch. Because of the Divisioning round scheduled that day it was a less formal atmosphere for the athletes and many of them sat in the stands instead of their designated space which was further away from the competition area. I turned around to observe a very sweet gesture between the athletes from Pakistan and Hong Kong neither of which shared a common language. They were digging into their backpacks for pins from their country and exchanging them. I waited until they were done and then asked if I could take a group picture for which they then posed. A few minutes later I was approached by one of the Hong Kong athletes and presented with one of their country's pins. I was so touched and said thank you several times noticing that she was bowing to me so I did the same in return hoping I was being respectful. This nearly brought me to tears and I turned away thinking about the experience wanting to remember that moment for a long time.
Several days prior to the start of the Games many towns in the Los Angeles area were chosen as Host Towns and assigned country's in which they would act as their ambassadors showing the athletes and delegates the local sites and culture. Two women from the Pakistani delegation started to chat with me and my fellow volunteer. We asked how they were enjoying LA and who their host town was telling us it was La Verne. Their faces beamed with smiles as they described the hospitality shown them and what a great time they all had. One described the experience as "Feeling it was a home away from home". I couldn't get those words out of my head and was so proud that the true spirit of Americans comes through when it matters most.
A little bit later after a 3rd volunteer joined our post a delegate from Ireland approached our table with a question (as did many others that day) and we struck up a conversation with her. I shared having previously traveled with my mother to her country and how much I loved it there hoping to return someday to see more of it. Just as she was about to leave she dug into her official fanny pack (one that we all received as part of our World Games uniform) and presented each of us with her country's pin. This was my 2nd on a day I didn't even consider getting one. I proudly pinned it to my credentials along with the other. My fellow volunteers promised to reciprocate with a US pin once they acquired one as they would be there for the entire week.
It was very fulfilling and I am thankful to have been a part of such an important event. As I met the athletes who live with their various challenges yet go on with life as usual it got me thinking. Each one of us has a different story to tell and our own challenges that we face, some being so much more difficult than others. It is how we face them that really matters and how we choose to let if affect our lives and the outlook we have going forward.
My awesome fellow Volunteers on each side of me.
This post was inspired by the Martin Luther King Jr holiday and implementation of a Day of Service. In my early 30's I began volunteering shortly after the death of Princess Diana. I admired her for true courage and bravery as a woman who put her flaws out there for the world to see and strength it took to stand up to a powerful royal family on how she wanted to raise her children and live her life. In the early years of the AIDS epidemic and crisis she went to Africa to visit the infected people. Just weeks after her death in 1997 I decided to honor Princess Diana's memory by signing up to volunteer after approaching a booth at a Fitness & Health Expo. I could have volunteered anywhere but my mother had many gay friends and at the time knew of some who lost their battle with the evil disease that was AIDS so I chose an HIV testing clinic. I spent 2 1/2 years at the Clinic just one evening a week until I took a new job that wouldn't allow me those hours. The staff there was so appreciative and for me it took little time out of my day to offer and I loved working with them and meeting all the people who came in to be tested.
Fast forward to the Spring of 2009. I had spent the past 3 1/2 years going through the legal process and rape crisis counseling as a result of my being drugged and raped by Jeffrey Marsalis. He had now been sentenced to 21 years in a PA prison for Sexual Assault and Life in an ID prison for rape to be serviced consecutively. I was nearing the completion of my counseling and feeling mentally healthy. I now had a lot of free time on my hands since it wouldn't be taken up by going to court and therapy sessions not to mention I had the free time emotionally to add something like volunteering to my life. I had a few ideas as to what kind of work I wanted to do which was with children in some capacity. I had yet to be married and no children so this would be a way to spend time with and help them all at the same time. I did some research on global volunteer organizations because I am a travel junkie and liked the idea of traveling to countries where they are less fortunate than we are in terms of education, infrastructure, medicine, etc. I then researched Big Brothers Big Sisters as my brother benefited from them when he was a child. We grew up without a father and his Big Brother was a great addition to my brother's life. I also called my friend Renee to ask her about Make-A-Wish because she had been a wish grantor for them a few years earlier and told me about her positive experiences. After a few weeks of weighing all my options I finally narrowed it down to Make-A-Wish and started the process right away. Within 6 months I had not only completed the paperwork, background check and training but was volunteering at the annual Walk For Wishes fundraiser and assigned my mentor at the event. Just weeks after the event I was a full fledged volunteer Wish Grantor and leading wishes.
Moving to California in 2013 didn't change anything either. I reached out to the Make-A-Wish LA chapter and began the process of transferring before I even got out here. They welcomed me with open arms. I attended the training, as each chapter does things a little differently, worked the Walk For Wishes and finally started granting West Coast wishes. Later today I will be meeting another volunteer and we will be attending a Wish Reveal for a very special young teenage girl.
Many victims of sexual assault end up giving back in some way such as becoming advocates or working the hotline at a rape crisis center. I was giving speeches and telling my story to advocates and on colleges campuses as part of awareness and prevention but that wasn't enough to fill up my time and essentially preoccupy my mind away from the subject of sexual assault. Choosing an organization outside of rape and sexual assault gave my brain the availability to heal in other ways. It was rewarding on multiple levels but it also allowed me to not think about me. I was tired of being inside myself all the time. The trials and counseling were all about me and while a victim is healing from a recent trauma that's the way it should be but to move forward in the healing process Life has to go on.
If you ever thought about volunteering today as a National Day of Service is the perfect day to start the process. If you have been through a traumatic event such as date rape or sexual assault and think you're emotionally ready to give your time to someone else today is the perfect day to start the process. Volunteering helped me in so many ways to move past the violence that was inflicted on me. It has become a valuable part of my life and I can't imagine not part of a wonderful organization such as Make-A-Wish.
To learn more about the MLK National Day of Service or Make-A-Wish I have provided links below.
MLK Day of Service
Make-A-Wish
