Carrying The Weight

Today is a National Day of Action organized by the Carry the Weight campaign. An effort to get the public to "Stand with Survivors and Allies Carrying the Weight to end Sexual and Domestic Violence". You can show your support for survivors by pledging to join them in carrying a mattress or pillow. This national day of action is inspired by the activism of Emma Sulkowicz at Columbia University who was sexually assaulted on the first day of her Sophomore year. As part of her senior thesis that she calls an endurance art piece she will carry her dorm room mattress, that she was raped on, until her rapist is expelled or leaves campus. Columbia University is one of a growing list of Colleges and Universities in which students are filing federal complaints against them in violation of Title IX the gender equality law.

If you are interested in joining students, staff, faculty and everyday citizens across the country to make sexual assault on college campuses unacceptable I have provided the website link below that gives you all the ways you can get involved. I am also joining in by sharing my own picture here, made my pledge on their website and on twitter.

National Day of Action to Help Carry That Weight

Columbia Student Carries Mattress Around Campus

NFL Team Gets it Right

...I have spoken briefly about my love for football and specifically as a long 'suffering" Philadelphia Eagles fan, a team that I have followed since I was 12. My boyfriend, also being from NJ, has been a fan even longer than I have but now with us living in LA we either have to get up early to watch the game at our local bar or pray for a nationally televised game so we can cheer them on in our Eagles gear in the comfort of our home. This past weekend our beloved Eagles traveled to Phoenix to play the Arizona Cardinals and for Steve's birthday present we flew out and joined thousands of other traveling fans to attend the game. 

After tailgating in the parking lot and getting ourselves psyched up for a tough battle between two 5-1 teams we went in to take our seats and watch pre-game practice. From the moment I walked into the University of Phoenix stadium I became aware of the campaign by the Arizona Cardinals organization to promote awareness for Domestic Violence Awareness and by the time I left the stadium hours later I was thoroughly impressed and wanted to share with everyone all they had done for the campaign.

They had information cards by the concession registers in English and Spanish providing details for safety planning and emergency phone numbers for those having been abused and seeking assistance. Throughout the pre-game and during the game they promoted the sale of purple bracelets and where to purchase them for a $10 donation to domestic violence organizations in the Phoenix area. Finally they played the NOMORE PSA by current and former NFL players stepping forward, standing up and speaking out saying in their own words NOMORE to Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault. It's very powerful to see and hear that echo through the stadium.

There was also a gathering in Phoenix the next day by The Arizona Foundation for Women hosting an event in which former congresswoman Gabby Giffords and her husband Mark Kelly spoke connecting gun violence and women's issues.

We as an informed public who are advocates and activists for the cause of Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault often call out those people and organizations that are doing it wrong in order to affect change. I want to also call out those people and organizations who do it right and hopefully serve as a model and an inspiration to others. The football season is at the halfway point and there are plenty of games left in which the remaining NFL teams who haven't already done so gets involved as the Arizona Cardinals did.

Celebrities and Sexual Assault

...Within the past few weeks there have been stories of well-known Hollywood male celebrities who have been successful for decades in their careers but have been accused of sexual assault. One of these celebs (Bill Cosby) was accused in the early 2000's by multiple women and another (Stephen Collins) most recently accused of child sexual abuse. Both have the lovable public persona but in private they are violent sexual abusers. In the case of Bill Cosby a monetary settlement was made to many of the victims and the case of Stephen Collins is still being investigated. The difference with these two men is one man's crimes have all been forgotten except for an outspoken comedian who won't let the public forget and the other has suffered the consequences professionally and personally. Sadly the adult women drugged and assaulted by Bill Cosby did not receive traditional justice in the courtroom and get to watch him continue with his career but with Stephen Collins the criminal cases for the young victims are getting a thorough investigation. Why is that?

Is it that the adult women are scrutinized and victim blamed and it happened 10 years ago while organizations were still fighting to bring awareness to their type of assault and now we have come so far that the young victims of Stephen Collins have the benefit of time and experience by all parties involved in the investigation? I hope it's the latter and not for some other reason. I then read an article (see link below) with a long list of celebrity men accused and some convicted and sentenced of sexual assault. Each of their crimes are as different as the punishments, public's reaction and how bad their careers suffered or how good their careers were afterward.

Celebrity Men Accused of Sexual Assault

The message I wanted to get across is that just because they are celebrities and we invite them into our homes on TV or attend the movies they star in doesn't make them any different than you and I and your neighbor next door. It doesn't make them our friend and because they are rich and famous it doesn't mean we know them. They should be held to the same standards as everyone else and they shouldn't be excused from their actions either just because they played some character that we really liked on TV.

UPDATE:
Most recently a request by Bill Cosby's twitter account posted a link to a meme-generator and it backfired. The people spoke by creating meme's with sexual assault and rape accusations. Bill Cosby may not have been punished by a traditional court but he certainly was in the court of public opinion. What followed was an Op-Ed piece by one of Cosby rape victims in which I have provided a link below.

Bill Cosby Rape Victim Barbara Bowman Op-Ed

Following the release of the tape where Stephen Collins admits to child molestation with a young female he was fired from the movie "Ted 2" and he then resigned from the SAG-AFTRA board. He is now preparing for a very high profile divorce from his wife of almost 30 years.

Violence Against Women with HIV

...Today is National Day of Action to End Violence Against Women with HIV. It is a day of action inviting people to join the call organized by the Positive Women's Network. The date was specifically chosen as part of October's Domestic Violence Awareness Month campaign. It's a call on anyone from anywhere to help raise awareness of these brutal acts of violence. The statistics are alarming and I wanted to do my part in spreading the message and hope that my readers will do the same however they can. I will be honest in saying that this is the first I'm hearing of it and I consider myself and do my best to be well-informed on the subject of violence against women. There is clearly so much more I need to learn and share.

Over 1/2 of women living with HIV have experienced intimate partner violence and of those abused women 92% of them are more likely to die than women who were not. Women living with HIV have been brutally murdered after revealing their positive status. In the past 2 years in Texas there have been two HIV-related murders which inspired this day of action by a group of women in the same state.

If you are interested in learning more and getting involved I have provided links for more information.

Positive Women's Network USA - Sign up for emails to learn more or donate to the cause.

Facebook/National Day of Action to End Violence Against Women with HIV - Post a message

Tweet using the hashtags - #SaveWomensLives #pwnspeaks #EndVAWHIV

I have also included a recent article on...

HIV, Intimate Partner Violence, and Women: New Opportunities Under the Affordable Care Act

Update: Hazing and Sexual Assault

So frequently we (the public) get caught up in the latest news stories where it will be our topic of the day expressing interest, outrage, etc. then moving on to the next "breaking" news item. The Today Show reported on a follow up to hazing and sexual assault allegations by members Sayreville high school football team this morning and I wanted to pass along the information. As I stated below in my original post the school administrators were brave enough to make the difficult choice to cancel the Fall 2014 season so they could further investigate how far reaching this went and whether it included other players and coaches. The Sayreville Board of Education upheld the decision by the Superintendent to suspend the Head Coach and 4 assistants at its meeting Tuesday October 21st. They put the welfare of the victims and all of their students first before an extra-curricular activity. We frequently make judgement's on what not to do but the actions of these administrators should be held up as a model for what to do. Also, let's not forget the victims who have a very long road of healing and recovery. Ultimately it's for that reason that I followed up and re-posted this story.

Below is a link to the NBC report and my original blog post.

Board Approves Sayreville Football Coach Suspension

...A recent story broke in the news about a New Jersey high school who cancelled their very successful football program for the remainder of the 2014 season initially reported as a result of student athlete hazing. The media also reported how athletes parents were upset and angry for such a radical decision that affected an entire team for the misbehavior of a few players. I remember thinking right away that there was more to the story and said as much to my boyfriend Steve since we are both from NJ and felt somewhat related to it. Within a week as the media continued to investigate and report, the news that 7 members of the football team had been arrested for sexually assaulting younger players as part of a hazing ritual. It was an Aha! moment for me as my original speculation was correct and I saw that the entire football program was shut down by the administrators because of an ongoing investigation by the Middlesex County prosecutors office and they didn't know how far reaching it was and for how long it's been going on.

I tuned into the Today Show Monday morning (as I did every morning) eager to see the interview with Dr. Richard Labee, superintendent of the school district and Richard Ciak, school board president of Sayreville War Memorial High School. They became aware of the harassment, intimidation and bullying by the football players and decided to shut it down completely while they conduct further investigation of incidents in other athletic programs and extra curricular activities starting with the coaching staff. These two important leaders of the school district should be held up as a model for the way they have conducted themselves and reacted to what is a horrific incident. They put the well being of the victims first before the potential scrutiny they would be held under by the parents and the community. These men made a difficult decision but then again doing what's right isn't supposed to be easy. 

Although there were initial reports of some parents dissatisfied reactions those seem to be in the minority because a very large rally was organized in support of the victims and held over the weekend. Speaking from my experience as a victim/survivor of sexual assault the male victims in Sayreville need to know there are people on their side. It doesn't make what happened to them go away but it will help in their healing process which is a very long road to the end. Male sexual assault is rarely discussed or reported on in the media which can make these victims feel even more isolated but knowing the community and school administrators believe in them can make all the difference in the world.

This is not the only hazing and sexual assault report I have seen recently but it's the only one I've seen that was handled properly!

Practicing Self-Care

...I wanted to go over an important part of sexual assault recovery that I had become aware of only this year and until just recently began practicing myself. Although I received professional help on a regular basis from a trained rape counselor and am certain this was worked into my treatment I don't ever recall the term Self-Care being used by my counselor Laura from WOAR. Once I was accepted into the RAINN Speakers Bureau, thoroughly reviewed their website and documentation provided and connected with other rape crisis centers and organizations on Twitter did I see that phrase and study what it meant. I also began reading blogs by other victims/survivors of sexual assault who discussed the topic as part of their own recovery. 

Good Self-Care is especially important for survivors of rape and sexual assault and part of the healing process and in my situation, as I discovered, still necessary over 10 years later. There are two central areas which are physical and emotional. Physical self-care includes Food, Exercise, Sleep and Medical Care and Emotional self-care is much more involved but can include Counseling, Journaling, Meditation and Relaxation Exercises and choosing the type of people you spend your time with and support they provide you. This is just an overview and I have provided a link below to the RAINN website which provides more details and information.

Although I was drugged and raped 10 1/2 years ago, received and completed counseling and sought justice through the courts I have written many times in my blog that I am still healing as I reach certain milestones and achieve certain accomplishments. In the past 5 1/2 years I have publicly given speeches and told my story to many groups. It's only this year that the frequency of those speeches has increased because I am now giving them on a full-time basis. I am also no longer living alone but now with my boyfriend and he began to point out my conduct before and after my speeches. My "freak outs" prior to leaving the house and my mood once I returned home were blatantly obvious to Steve as atypical behavior for me. I realized that before a speech I'm not particularly nervous and thought my anxiousness was because of a wardrobe issue. Then thinking back to all those previous speeches and my feelings of exhaustion hours afterward it was like a light bulb going on over my head. Every time I tell my story it takes a small emotional toll on me. I spent several years in which it was a part of my every day life and always at the front of my brain. That went away once the trials were over and the counseling concluded but I should have had the presence of mind to know this is a part of me and who I am and will always be there in some capacity.

Then I decided to continue to tell my story because it felt good to do so and I was in my own small way on track to help other victims. While doing that and telling my story I was bringing up painful memories and complicated emotions and not taking care of myself after which should have been common sense but clearly too obvious for me to see. What I thought was since I felt good during and immediately following a speech but once the adrenaline rush went away I was left with the painful memories. Now that I knew what was wrong I could fix it.

I am happy to say that the speech I gave 10 days ago went much differently. I prepared myself better prior to and took care of myself following the event. I thought it important to share this particular experience.Since victims and survivors are finding their way through the many stages of healing and as many of us (I wish it to be all) move on to have very healthy successful lives there will always be obstacles and challenges we need to meet head on and overcome. I'm living proof it can be done!

Practice whichever part of Self-Care works for you because no one knows what's best for us better than ourselves.

RAINN Self-Care for Survivors

A Week of Reflection

This Saturday I will be celebrating my 1-year anniversary of moving to Burbank putting into motion a year of expected and unexpected challenges and accomplishments. At the top of that list is this blog as I never imagined not only writing down but posting my thoughts and experiences for everyone to read. It's one of those decisions I made after mindful reflection. BTW if you know me you know I consider the important choices very carefully before acting upon them but once I do I put everything I have into it. So as a result I wanted to reread my first blog post and share it with you again and hopefully to my new followers too.

...I never could have imagined I would be where I am today that week before Christmas 2005. After hanging up the phone I had some idea that things would change but as the week played out it just got bigger and bigger. It’s all occurred to me now as I sit here, almost 3,000 miles from where I grew up, living with a great guy that I met years before in college but never dated. I have everything I ever wanted and then some. What I knew I wanted was to be in a solid, loving, supportive, trusting relationship and what I didn’t know was to start my own business. The path I took to get here was not an easy one and developed out of a single nights encounter with a monster. A man considered to be one of Pennsylvania’s worst date rapists and possibly the worst this country has ever seen.

In March of 2004 I met him on Match.com after reading what I now know was his completely fabricated profile. At the time online dating was still in its infancy and although I knew to be cautious it wasn’t used at the time or known to be for wide ranging “hook ups” and a lot of profile embellishment, that came later. Online dating was so new you would have to take a break from it after a few months because you were seeing the same men pop up during criteria searches. Back then the site features offered secure emails at first, then if you chose to offer your exact email address and phone number those were the steps you took. This is how our communication progressed to a lengthy phone call and plans for a Friday night date. We chose a public meeting spot walked to a bar and chatted and laughed over drinks. The conversation was easy and it was a warm early Spring night so we walked to another bar for an atmosphere change. He had at some point described the rooftop view from his apartment just a few blocks from where we were and moved our conversation there. At that time he asked if I would come down to his apartment and continue chatting. The drink he offered me there was drugged and after taking a sip I have no conscious memory until the next morning waking up in his bed nude, very sick and confused...

Never Forget Why

...Yesterday I had a conversation with someone interested in telling my story and it reminded me why I started on this path in the first place. Even before the public speaking and before the counseling it all began with that 2 hour interview at the Special Victims Unit in Philadelphia and Detective O'Malley. As he took my statement walking me through meeting Jeffrey Marsalis and the horrible night that changed my life forever, he informed me of the previous accusations in which he drugged and raped other women and the current growing investigation that I was part of I became more and more angry. I learned of the horrific details of the rapes he committed before and after I met him and how I was right in the middle of it. At the end of the interview I was asked if I wanted to press charges and my answer was "Hell Yes!". It was also at that moment where I made a vow and commitment to myself.

As time passed and I moved through the preliminary hearing, the two trials and the counseling I learned more about myself and what were positive steps towards my healing process. I made the decision to speak out and tell my story to advocates and college students so I could share my experiences in hopes of helping other rape victims come forward and heal. I also wanted what happened to me to serve as an awareness and prevention tool. Then once I began my advocacy campaign my mission broadened until that conversation last night and it hit me I should never forget why I started all this and a very positive reality check.

What I don't ever want to forget is that Jeffrey Marsalis is a rapist with no sense of remorse. If given the chance he would rape again. Although he was sentenced to 21 years in a Pennsylvania Prison and upon his release he will be transferred to an Idaho prison where he will serve out a Life sentence. There is the potential for Parole after 15 years which I'm told is highly unlikely due to his status as a sex offender and the large number of victims. If parole was granted he would be approximately 70 years old. In order for that not to happen its important to keep his name and the vicious crimes he committed and all the lives he's negatively affected in the news for as long as possible. As long as the public and those part of the justice system are reminded of his numerous acts of drugging and raping women he committed over many years the less likely he will be granted parole out of sympathy for his advanced age at the time. 

Many of his victims did not or could not speak out for what are very complicated reasons only known to those having been sexually assaulted. Many of his victims who did come forward found the charges brought against him on their behalf to have a jury decide on acquittal. All of these factors do not lessen the validity or impact of his attacks on all the women unlucky enough to have met and "dated" Jeffrey Marsalis. He is considered one of if not the worst date rapists in this country and I will stay committed to my promise that December 22, 2005 to do whatever it takes for however long it takes to put him in prison and keep him there for the duration of his life...

Hazing and Sexual Assault

...A recent story broke in the news about a New Jersey high school who cancelled their very successful football program for the remainder of the 2014 season initially reported as a result of student athlete hazing. The media aldo reported how athletes parents were upset and angry for such a radical decision that affected an entire team for the misbehavior of a few players. I remember thinking right away that there was more to the story and said as much to my boyfriend Steve since we are both from NJ and felt somewhat related to it. Within a week as the media continued to investigate and report, the news that 7 members of the football team had been arrested for sexually assaulting younger players as part of a hazing ritual. It was an Aha! moment for me as my original speculation was correct and I saw that the entire football program was shut down by the administrators because of an ongoing investigation by the Middlesex County prosecutors office and they didn't know how far reaching it was and for how long it's been going on.

I tuned into the Today Show Monday morning (as I did every morning) eager to see the interview with Dr. Richard Labee, superintendent of the school district and Richard Ciak, school board president of Sayreville War Memorial High School. They became aware of the harassment, intimidation and bullying by the football players and decided to shut it down completely while they conduct further investigation of incidents in other athletic programs and extra curricular activities starting with the coaching staff. These two important leaders of the school district should be held up as a model for the way they have conducted themselves and reacted to what is a horrific incident. They put the well being of the victims first before the potential scrutiny they would be held under by the parents and the community. These men made a difficult decision but then again doing what's right isn't supposed to be easy. 

Although there were initial reports of some parents dissatisfied reactions those seem to be in the minority because a very large rally was organized in support of the victims and held over the weekend. Speaking from my experience as a victim/survivor of sexual assault the male victims in Sayreville need to know there are people on their side. It doesn't make what happened to them go away but it will help in their healing process which is a very long road to the end. Male sexual assault is rarely discussed or reported on in the media which can make these victims feel even more isolated but knowing the community and school administrators believe in them can make all the difference in the world.

This is not the only hazing and sexual assault report I have seen recently but it's the only one I've seen that was handled properly!

If you are interested in seeing the interview I have provided a link below:

The Today Show

The Next Generation

...As part of the UC Irvine speakers bureau there are many types of opportunities presented to me. Within the past few weeks I have presented my story to several different campus groups acting as sexual assault advocates. The students attend yearly training sessions. Some are students returning to the program and others are new trainees but all train together in the same group. The UCI Counseling Center has 2 peer education groups the first being Right to KNOW and the second CHAMPS. Peer Educators provide consultation services, develop and deliver workshops/training sessions, assess student need regarding many issues including metal health, stress management and sexual assault which is why I was there to speak to them. They would be exposed to my story which provides the benefit of a victims/survivors perspective before, during and after a sexual assault and my experience through law enforcement, the court process, counseling and the healing process.

The other group I spoke to were representatives of the universities greek community. There were about 40 students made up of one from each campus fraternity and sorority. The training they received would be taken back to their respective members so the leaders could share the information learned over the two-day seminar and also be the go to person for the organization. Sexual assault prevention, awareness, being an active bystander were all discussed with the students among other related topics. This is a proactive and not reactive approach to educating a very large group of students.

After each speech I take questions and let the audience know that I will answer anything without limitations on subject matter. The students never fail to impress me with the thoughtful questions asked some similar but to ones I've been asked before but always included new ones too. I also share with them how wise beyond their years they are and how important and invaluable their involvement is in these programs. I like to view what they do as a tree root not weaving its way through the earth but through the university campus. It begins with the student/peer educator who shares with other students who then shares it with more classmates and friends. Word of mouth on this particular subject is the best way to get the message across the campus.

Starting with these young minds sets an early precedent for their generation that we didn't have with mine. The sooner they learn sexual assault awareness and prevention the more likely we are on a path to not just lessen the occurrences but eliminate them all together. After completing my speech and Q&A session whether it be to peer educators, advocates, a classroom of nursing students or a campus Take Back the Night event I leave their hopeful that somewhere there will be one less victim of sexual assault female or male because of those people sitting in that room...

A Powerful Statement

...I woke up this morning to the exciting news that Malala Yousafzai was the joint winner of the Nobel Peace Prize. It immediately put a smile on my face so early in the day. Malala was the 15 year old girl shot by the Taliban on her school bus in Pakistan on the way to school. It has been nearly 2 years to the day and in that time she has led a worldwide campaign for female education activism. At 17 she is the youngest to ever win the Prize and deservedly so. Like many around the world I am inspired by her story of courage and her relentless pursuit to spread her personal message despite the potential threat to her life.

It's moving that a young woman such as Malala speaks beyond her years and motivating to me. I am 30 years her senior yet I look up to her. Although my own personal campaign to speak out and advocate against date rape and sexual assault is challenging and I sometimes feel as if I am climbing a mountain it can not compare to what Malala has faced in her short life. She did not go into hiding after being shot but once healed from her physical wounds she was energized to speak even louder and hasn't looked back.

Her words "When we all stand up together then we are more powerful than them." stuck with me. I can translate this statement into what I am doing regarding sexual assault awareness and the violent criminals who perpetrate the crimes. If the victims/survivors/advocates/law enforcement and prosecutors all stand together then we are more powerful than them. With hard work and unity we can bring them to justice! Not even a Taliban's bullet stopped Malala so nothing should stop me from my daily mission.

Today is the Global Fund for Women International Day of the Girl challenging everyone to recognize girls as they truly are which is Superheroes. Malala Yousafzai is one of those Supergirls. We could all use some inspiration every once in a while and on those rare but occasional days when I'm feeling frustrated with getting my message across I will think of her...

Prevention is Possible

...Since I began my full-time mission as public speaker and advocate of sexual assault in January I have done my best to keep myself informed of all the latest news, TV and movie related releases, legal matters and awareness campaigns. In doing so I have come across a new and exciting trend of prevention tools. I did my research on each of them, personally reached out to their creators and promoters and supported their fundraising financially. They have personal stories as to the inspiration and development of each prevention tool. As part of my own personal awareness campaign I wanted to provide and share the information. They are all different types of tools but their ultimate goal is to provide prevention and protection against sexual assault.

First, I became aware of Safelet in June which is a product out of Amsterdam. Safelet is a safety bracelet that can notify your friends and family where you are and that you need help. It allows you to dial an emergency number via Bluetooth connection to your smartphone. It's designed to protect in a situation where you are not able to reach your phone and need to send out an alert fast. There are two types to choose from and currently in the pre-order stage.

The next three prevention tools and what they offer affected me personally as they are specific to drug induced sexual assaults.

I learned about PD.ID which is a product out of Canada. PD.ID is a small battery-operated device that will identify whether a drink has been drugged by dipping the end of it into your drink. If the drink has been altered in any way a small LED light will make an indication. I like that it's small, discrete and reusable. They have recently completed their fundraising campaign.

What caught my attention with Undercover Colors was my love for having continuously polished nails. This product is also discrete as their is nothing uncommon about women having a manicure. This fashion company out of North Carolina is the first working to prevent sexual assault. The nail polish changes color in the presence of date rape drugs. They are currently in the research and development stage.

Finally, we come to DrinkLock out of Washington D.C. It is the world's first and only 'Reverse Coaster'. What was important to me about this product besides the obvious prevention benefits is that it was developed by a male bartender and his personal experience. It's important for the public to know that men can be victims of drugged drinks. DrinkLock doubles as a "Reverse Coaster" mat until the consumer's need of applying the seal in situations such as leaving their beverage unattended. It is currently in the fundraising stage.

Click on the links provided below to learn more and support them if you decide to do so.

SAFELET - The Safety Bracelet

PD.ID - Personal Drink ID

UNDERCOVER COLORS - Nail Polish

DRINKLOCK - Reverse Coaster

Ambien & Sexual Assault

...In early August I was referred to a reporter who was developing a story pertaining to the prescription drug Ambien being used in several sexual assaults by former NFL player Darren Sharper. This reporter wanted to speak to victims/survivors who had been drugged and raped to help in his development of the story. As always I am thankful when the media wants to put a spotlight on any sexual assault cases and eager to help in any way that I can.

I was well aware of this particular case being brought against the former football player not to mention sickened and saddened by the fact that rapists are finding newer and easier ways to victimize women. Ambien is prescribed by doctors as a sleep aid but in the mind of a monster it can be used to violate and sexually assault their prey. I wasn't sure what the reporter would need from me but I contacted him immediately and he called shortly thereafter to discuss his developing story and my experiences. Although my personal knowledge of any Ambien related sexual assault cases was none I had a number of resources to tap into that may be aware of victims willing to speak about their assaults. The reporter provided me with the specifics of his report and investigation and I got started emailing my contacts locally and nationally.

The responses came very quickly and all offered some form of assistance. Most didn't have first hand knowledge of sexual assaults being facilitated using Ambien but they were all aware it was a growing form of date rape drug and had plenty of their own references and contacts to offer me and pass along to the reporter. It was satisfying to know that although the victims of this type of assault are not widespread or leading to an epidemic type level those who need to know are on the forefront and doing their best to educate. I only wish the same was happening 10 years ago before I was drugged and raped. At 37 years old and someone who then and now stays well-informed of local, national and world news the subject was barely a whisper and certainly not enough for me to suspect the men with whom I was going out on dates may spike my drink.

Date rape awareness campaigns for college students or adult women & men frequenting bars and parties are everywhere in the news and the drugs being used by offenders up until recently were bought on the streets or mixed up at home as was with my case. Only now Ambien, an easily obtained prescription for anyone complaining of insomnia or trouble falling asleep, opens up an entirely new can of worms. For now the reporter continues to work on this story and as soon as it's complete I will share it.

I hope with this blog I have made one person aware today who was not yesterday about this particular subject and they can pass it along to someone else. If it can prevent just one person becoming a victim I will be satisfied.

Inside the Numbers Q&A

...I had tweeted a link the other day of a report on the Today Show pertaining the Good2Go app which takes a guy and girl through mutual consent questions. This prompted a conversation between myself and organizations regarding male rape victims and statistics. Several articles were provided to me which I promised to read and respond with my informed opinion. I consider myself to be not only logical but take great pride in the fact that I can look at all sides when discussing just about any topic. Which brings me to the campus rape and national sexual assault statistics. I very rarely quote statistics in my blogs, tweets or speeches and I appreciated being alerted to the articles and the results of a few studies. Below is my response that I decided I should share in my blog.

The articles discuss the fact that the 1 in 4 women on college campuses likelihood of being sexually assault is overstated when taking a deeper look into those numbers. Logically it's not possible. What I do know and I have written about this recently is that when I have shared my personal story of date rape others feel comfortable enough to share a personal story of sexual violence whether it be theirs or a friends or family members. Very few of those assaults were reported to law enforcement. I am taken aback each time because it reinforces how many victims are out there of which we are just not aware.

Another article reported on the growing campus rape movement in response to the 1 in 4 statistic. The way I look at it is what good comes out of it. There is more awareness and campuses taking responsibility for their students to make it easier for those victims of sexual violence to come forward and speak out. Education and evolving laws are also included in this. The more we open up dialogue regarding what constitutes a sexual assault the less doubt a victim has whether or not they've been assaulted and should come forward to report it.

I was also asked several questions and I would like to address them more completely than I could via Twitter.

SB967 Yes means Yes
I am in support of this Bill/Law. Men and women should all have the opportunity to consent. I feel very strongly about this because I was not afforded the option. I went on a date, was drugged and raped while completely unconscious. I will never be able to fully put into words what it's like to know I was violated without even a fighting chance or getting to say No.

Do I speak out for men falsely accused of rape?
When a woman falsely accuses a man of rape she does irreparable harm to all the legitimate rape and sexual assault victims. This creates doubt in the minds of those who are not believers, i.e. the victim blamers. Although I do not actively speak out for men falsely accused if and when I'm asked I will respond accordingly.

Do I speak out for male sexual assault victims?
Yes, I fully support the men who have been victims of rape and sexual assault as I believe they have a much more difficult road to travel as far as reporting and convictions. I do my best to advocate for them but currently it's not included in my speeches which is my story of  being drugged, date raped, through reporting, counseling and the legal process.

Finally, this morning I saw a video on the Today Show regarding a social experiment. Two males and one female decided to go out in public and record the reactions of bystanders while a man was physically abusing a female and then a female physically abusing a male. The public reacted very differently. When the woman was being assaulted men and women quickly stepped in to stop the attack but when the woman was abusing the man people were seen recording it with their phones and even stepping in to join the attack on the man too. I was very disturbed by the public's reaction to the latter. No one should ever be physically or sexually abused. It's not OK, Period! End of story! 

I speak out, advocate, tweet and/or blog every day because I believe we need to make the public aware that no one should ever be shamed by any form of sexual assault male or female. The victim didn't do anything wrong their attacker did.

Inspired by Another Survivor

...Back in April I had participated in the first annual Lace Up for RAINN Virtual 5k. After completing the walk I tweeted my picture and participation proudly and as a result I connected with another survivor on Twitter that also participated and who has now become a very good friend. Although separated by thousands of miles, 3 times zones and have never met face to face those things don't matter. We have a bond that is having been sexually assaulted. Not only that but we each spoke out, contacted law enforcement and sought counseling by those specifically trained to deal with our issues. Dana is also a blogger, advocate but in addition a talented musician (something we do not share). 

After exchanging just a few tweets we became instant friends and communicated frequently about what we were each doing to try and make a difference. Our stories are different as she is a survivor of childhood sexual assault and mine is being drugged and date raped as an adult. This does not matter because the big picture goals are the same. We each have something to offer the other since on one side I have been speaking for several years and on the other she began blogging and journaling long before I decided to put my words in black and white. We can share everything from accomplishments to setbacks and frustrations and consult one another on our goals when necessary. Not since meeting the other Jeffrey Marsalis victims and becoming friends with Kristen have I felt this comfortable with someone but with Dana she and I get up every day and work on our missions. I am thankful to have her as a friend.

Which brings me to launching my blog. It hadn't even been on my radar until a few months into JoAnnSpeaksOut but after getting more familiar with Twitter and advocacy work it seemed like the natural progression. Steve had a blog and was encouraging me to get one started saying it was the perfect way to get my message out to the masses and hopefully turn it into something bigger. Then once I met Dana and began reading her blog it put my creativity and motivation on the fast track. Also once the college semester was over and my contacts would be on their Holiday breaks I would have more time to devote to writing. This was new territory for me and I wanted to focus as much attention to it as possible.

My story has a beginning, middle and end (unlike the majority of rape victims) so when I first wrote my speech that's the path I took and logically I would write the blog that way but I had no idea what it was going to do for me personally. Each day I sat down at my desk to write another piece of the story thoughts and perspective that I never knew I had flowed out onto the computer screen. I think it was because I had the opportunity to break it down to the tiniest details in addition to have the perspective that time offers you. This all began 10 years ago for me so that's a lot of time to have thoughts bouncing around in your head. I was now also 2,500 miles away living in a new town, a new home with a new life. It was almost as if I could now step outside of myself and look in to what I experienced. As the days past and the posts were written I realized that I liked what I was doing, could say everything I was thinking and even share a bit of the funny side to it.

I want to thank all my blog readers and let you know I appreciate each and every one of you for taking the time to read what I have to say and hope you continue to enjoy my posts...

If you are interested in Dana's story and her blog go to AfterSilence87

Media and Promotion

...June was a really good month for me in terms of expanding my public speaking and advocacy horizons. 

First I received an email from my colleague at Strength United who had gotten a request from a production company with a documentary show in development. They were looking for sexual assault survivors like me who had gone through with the legal process and comfortable talking about my experience. Just like with Primetime Crime and Very Bad Men I was glad to hear about any media exposure of awareness for rape and sexual assault. Instead of being interviewed in front of the camera I would serve as a consultant behind the scenes that could assist them with navigating through questions they had for parts of the layout of the show. I thanked Ann for the reference and contacted the show's producer immediately. We had a very nice conversation as he informed me of what they had planned for the show and I filled him in on what the past 10 years had been like for me. I was then given all the details over the phone which was followed up with an email of the agenda for their day of filming. That day I met other brave victims/survivors and advocates and we all shared our stories with each other. Many times you learn the overall experiences are similar. When this happens I feel comforted in knowing sadly it's not just me dealing with those thoughts and feelings. I also met with the entire show staff. These people were amazing and supportive and very appreciative of the time we donated that day. We all felt good about the direction of the show and confident the project will be successful. I am bound by a confidentiality agreement at this point but will share more once I know the show will air on TV.

Then Steve had interviewed an agent for his podcast and he relayed my story and what I was doing to him. His guest generously offered to have me contact him because he knew of the perfect woman (an Agent) that I could get in touch with for advice, etc. Securing an agent was on my list but before I did that I had several other things to accomplish first before doing so including a website I was proud of and building up my resume a bit more which I had been doing thanks to speaking I had done in the LA area and the podcast's. It was the perfect time to get to that item on the Expanding my Business list. So I contacted the agent letting her know how I was referred to her and gave her everything she needed to know about me and what I was doing. She responded very quickly and filled me in on a new business venture she was involved in that her friend wasn't even aware of yet. It was called Girls Fight Back a "Sassy Self Defense Guide" which offers practical and empowering options for young women to learn violence prevention and self-defense. She kindly offered to meet with me and I very much appreciated her taking valuable time out of the day to do so. We met for about 45 minutes and she provided me with advice for my website, promoting myself and my business and a lot of other information that I couldn't wait to take home and implement. I was grateful!

Next and in my never ending research to learn all I can about the business I was in and how to get my message out there with as much exposure as possible with respectable organizations I continued to reach out to women's only organizations. Who better to know how to run a female business and promoting themselves than women who have done it before. I found a great organization call Women's Media Center who offers a database of experience, talented women from all backgrounds to the media specifically looking for this demographic. Since I had television and radio interview experience I jumped at the chance to complete the application and submit it. This could open a lot of doors in which to get my message out to even more audiences. I very proudly received my acceptance a week later and all the information I needed to know as a part of their database of women. I was flattered an excited to be part of a prestigious group of women and looking forward to the doors it will open for me.

Six months into JoAnnSpeaksOut and I was off to a good start if I may say so myself!!...

If you're interested in learning more about the organizations I mentioned below are the links:

Girls Fight Back

Women's Media Center