The experience that follows reminds me how many people do not believe or support reports of sexual assault, rape or date-rape. It is also another reason why it's so important to recognize Sexual Assault Awareness Month, not Day or Week. We in the community with a lot of hard work and perseverance have come a long way in recent years but still have a lot of work to do.
Last year I had been a guest of Rosie Tran on her Out of the Box podcast. She brought me on to tell my story, discuss rape culture and what we can do to get the conversation going about the victims of rape and sexual assault in order to make reporting easier and to finally bring the topic out from a Taboo subject and into the open for discussion subject. Rosie tweeted out and posted on Facebook that the podcast was up and ready for the listeners. Her show description read "This week we have JoAnn Buttaro, date rape survivor who put her serial rapist behind bars!!!" I was made aware of a comment posted to her Facebook page from a man who proudly promotes on his page that he's a Hobby Lobby supporter. (A privately owned chain of craft stores that inserts its religious beliefs into the model of their business. The company has been in the news for their refusal to provide certain forms of birth control to women but offer men whatever they need for their sexual health.)
The comment he posted was as follows "He and I got super drunk and wasted and then we had sex - in essence he raped meeee..." This of course implies that I regretted what happened the night I was drugged and sexually assaulted so I cried rape. He clearly didn't listen to the podcast and his first thought was to immediately assume I was making the whole thing up. What bothers me most is that an opinion was formed without a chance to hear the entire story first. I always give people the benefit of the doubt before ever making a snap judgement and naively believe others do the same. This of course was not the case! It also reminded me of long ago comments made online 8 years ago just prior to and during Jeffrey Marsalis' trial that I should not have read. Those comments were in support of my attacker from people who said they "knew" him and couldn't possibly believe he was a serial rapist and others who simply didn't believe the victims reports. Now I can take a negative comment, think about it rationally, consider the source and move on. At the time I was early in the counseling process and not emotionally equipped to handle such comments.
What this man may also be unaware of, because he's proven himself one who doesn't gather his facts, is that 1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted rape or completed rape in her lifetime. 60% of sexual assaults are not reported to the police. The sad thing is that it's likely he may be surrounded by colleagues in a meeting, attending a party with friends or at a family gathering and a woman he knows in any of these groups has been sexually assaulted. If he knew those statistics would he still make those comments? I think not!
As I continue to speak out about my sexual assault and advocate for those victims that can't or won't speak for whatever reason I open myself up to these types of comments from small minded people. What I can do is take them, learn from them and figure out a way to spin something malicious into something productive. I also want to thank the readers of my blog, listeners of my podcast interviews or those who have attended my speaches. Any and all support is greatly appreciated and it's not lost on me for a moment.
If you are interested in the podcast's I've recorded go to the media links page of my website.
JoAnnSpeaksOut.com
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