Getting The Message Out

...Last week I had the honor and privilege of speaking (as I do each semester) to the Victimology class at University of Pennsylvania. I very much enjoy speaking to this bright, attentive group of students who always ask thoughtful, insightful questions.

Following the speech, after the students left class Dr. Kathleen Brown and I had a conversation regarding the importance of a specific focus in my speech which is to seek counseling after being the victim of a date rape/sexual assault. Her students are part of the Nursing program at the university and know frequently victims are encouraged to get medical attention and report to law enforcement but the discussion is less focused on counseling and therapy.

Dr. Brown also shared with me her recent involvement with the growing epidemic of human trafficking and the healing process for those victims. We talked about the latest obstacle to overcome is getting the message out to sexual assault victims. The message inclusive of, what type of help is out there and how much there is available. We agreed there is a need to figure out an efficient way to get the information to the victims. We have so many outlets (internet, social media, even the medical community and law enforcement involved, etc.) to get the resources available to the victims but have yet to figure out the best way to do so.

This is not the first time I have considered the issue. In an effort to promote my public speaking and advocacy I am trying to figure out new and innovative ways to get my message out. What groups of people can I get to tell my story to that have the ability to influence others? I spend endless hours each week researching and using whatever means possible to connect to those in a position of power. If I can email, tweet, message the right person I can start a domino effect that ends in expanded awareness. 

I feel we are all in this together fighting for awareness and as victims, survivors, advocates, counselors, concerned humans our voices are loud and strong. If anyone has an idea to share with me or wants to team up we can heal those victims of sexual violence so they can ultimately lead long, healthy lives...just as I did.

Homecoming

...My first visit home actually turned into a two-part event. I had originally booked a flight home for the 2nd weekend in March to celebrate my mom's 70th birthday, have dinner with all my friends, etc. then I was asked to speak at Penn 1 week earlier which turned out to be a very busy 4 days. I flew in Saturday afternoon just in time to attend a fundraiser my brother had planned for my nephew's crew team at a local micro-brewery (Flying Fish) which happens to be my most favorite. It was a great success and I got to see all of his friends who after so many years of hanging out at my brother's house became my friends too. Sunday I made plans with my best friend Renee to visit another friend who had surgery that rendered her immobile only months after having a beautiful baby girl. We brought Lunch and food that they could reheat later and spent the day catching up. 

All weekend there was a snowstorm forecast to arrive Sunday into Monday which was the day of my speech. It had been an awful Winter back East with storm after storm and I wasn't going to be so lucky as to escape it by moving to LA. As it turned out the forecast continued to downgrade to about an inch and classes were not cancelled so the plans went on. My mom and I tested the recording equipment and off we went to Penn. The former unit chief prosecutor on my case was there and now after speaking together twice we collaborated on how to best present to the class. I went first with my mom in the front row and all the anxiety I had in the past that I built up in the end didn't result in my breaking down. I simply didn't look at her but at the class. Yet another challenge in my recovery and progress met with success. Chris Mallios went next then we sat down together at a table together and took questions. After class he offered me some very valuable advice regarding my speaking skills which I was extremely grateful for and used in future speeches. I look forward to seeing him again this Fall and thanking him personally.

I left on a flight Tuesday, the next day only to return the following Monday night. I would be visiting until Saturday this time and what I thought would be enough time to fit everything in didn't even come close. Mom gave me some visitors passes to her gym and we worked out together. No matter where I am even on vacation I always fit in a workout. I did get to have Brunch with Renee one day then Mom and I met her friend for Sushi the next night. I have known him since I was about 12 and we always have fun when we get together. Thursday was the big reunion with all my girls. I miss them a lot. Friendships that begin in adulthood are so different than the ones in youth. We have all been through so much together as a group and even though we keep in touch texting, facebook and by phone it doesn't replace getting together in person for parties, milestones, drinks and dinners. 

The next night was my mother's big birthday dinner. She chose the restaurant, a new favorite of hers that recently opened up by one of the country's top chefs. We are a Foodie family and I was looking forward to eating from the creative menu. They would also custom design a birthday cake of your choosing so that was our surprise to her. My niece came home from college for the weekend and we were all together. It was really the only present she asked for and was very happy. 

I woke up the next day and it was already time to go home. My flight was scheduled for the afternoon. I had been staying the week with my mom and stepdad so we relaxed around the house in the morning visiting until it was time to go to the airport and say good bye again. It doesn't get any easier no matter how many times you do it. I had only been gone 6 months so this whole thing was new to me. Getting off the plane for the first time to visit my hometown, not going to my condo as I had rented it and someone else was living there, not having my car or the gym I had worked out at for so many years were all so surreal to me. It felt a little off to me the entire time.  I had to accept being a grown up, get used to it and go back to my life in LA. Great things were happening and I deserved to enjoy them...

More Good Bye's

...Week 2 in preparation for the big move begins with my speech to the Penn Victimology class except this one would be a little different. Dr. Brown also invited the former prosecutor who had spoken at the Psychiatry Seminar in January along with me. She liked how we complemented each other for several reasons one is he uses my case in his speeches because of its high profile nature and the alarming number of sexual assault victims for one rapist. In January we had naturally looked too each other during each of our speeches and the Q & A afterwards when we referred to each other to better answer certain questions. As was the order in January I would speak first then he would speak next but we could jump in during the Q & A for the students. 

When the professor introduced me she had some very flattering words to say about this being my last speech to her class as I was moving on with my life on another coast. I was able to expand on that a little during the speech and let the students know that there are good things waiting for you in life even after a severe trauma and life changing experience. As always I stayed after to chat with any students who wanted to privately and then the professor and I said our good bye's. We didn't know at the time that she would be inviting me back.

Although I was getting used to saying farewell to all those people who were important in my life it didn't get any easier. It seemed as if every day there was someone new I was catching up with then saying goodbye. I was emotionally exhausted from the all the details and plans I had to take care of on top of knowing I would not be seeing those important in my life or available to be part of the life events I had for so many years. I tried not to think of that though because otherwise I would not be able to function. It was one day at a time with me. The next day I made plans to meet my cousin in NYC for the day (she lives in Queens) so we could see the Jackson Pollack exhibit and have lunch. We are only a few weeks apart in age and have been as close as sisters since birth. When I lived on Staten Island our moms got together all the time and so did we. Once I moved to NJ we continued to stay close through High School, College, etc. Even if we didn't speak for a while when we did it was as if no time had passed. I would not leave the East Coast without seeing her.

I also spent time finalizing the details for the documentary interview at my house the next day. The production manager sent me their schedule and it was going to be a very full, very long day which was fine with me as long as I knew that going in. I had my outfit picked out, got a makeover and bought makeup that would look good on HD cameras and of course cleaned the house. In the midst of the moving madness it was actually good to have one day that would take my mind off of it all and focus on what was really important to me and my career future. I had lived in my condo for 19 years and a minimalist by nature so clutter wasn't an issue when it came to the packing part. Twice a year I would go through my clothes and shoes for donation. But there is nothing like picking through your life piece by piece and deciding what to take, what to give away, and general reminiscing every time I pulled something out. It becomes overwhelming. It would be a welcome distraction to have the production team at my house the next day and I was looking forward to it...