It's Getting Real

...I walked into the lobby of a beautiful, historic building in center city Philadelphia where the District Attorney and her ADA's offices were. It is for lack of a better word an awesome experience and the magnitude of what I was about to do wasn't lost on me. Giving my statement to the detective and pressing charges is one thing but taking the next step to meet with the ADA and move forward with the case towards trial is multiplied by a thousand. This, among a nearly infinite number of reasons, is why sexual assault and rape victims after they have given their statement to the police do not move forward to trial. Telling a detective about the assault is difficult enough but then reviewing your case in detail with the man or woman who is going to stand up in court, defend your story as a victim and accuse your attacker of a crime changes things. Not to mention the fact that you will have to get on the stand, repeat a traumatic, personal incident then look directly at the man that attacked you and accuse him in front of a courtroom full of people and the judge is beyond scary and stressful. These thoughts loomed over me until the preliminary hearing was finally over.

The meeting with Joe Khan and his associate involved a range of emotions. I was embarrassed repeating the details again. I simply can't describe what it feels like to say it aloud the first few times. They were sensitive as they asked questions and explained that the more I told them the better. There were a shocking number of similarities in each of the victims stories and that was to be a large part of the prosecution's case as a significant number of the cases were he said/she said. This was also the time they would give me the information as to how the case was going to proceed and what the court process would involve for me. There would be a preliminary hearing scheduled (later I would find out the date to be October 31st Halloween) and at that time the prosecutor would present his case to include the victims, one of them being me. I would be called to the stand, sworn in then answer questions directed to me first by the prosecution and at some point I would be asked to identify my attacker. Then the defense would be able to ask me questions. I was given advice as to how I could handle the pressures and uneasiness I might feel. Among other things they told me plenty of associates from the DA's office would be in the courtroom gallery to show support and assist in my not feeling along up there. This to me was somewhat comforting because I was not planning on bringing anyone with me for support. It would be easier that way and I still had to figure out a way to tell the closest, most important people in my life (mom, brother, best friend) about the date rape and my choice to press charges and testify in court. That would be my next step but I certainly took my time before taking it.

We completed our conversation, all questions on both sides were asked an answered and Joe told me he would be checking in with me periodically with information. He said although I would receive official notices from the court in the mail I would get the news from him first. I walked out the door and realized Yes! this is happening and then practiced avoidance for more than half a year until my time was up and I had to tell my loved ones...