...A few weeks before the trial was to begin on May 21st, I received a call from the the ADA Joe Khan. I had already received my subpoena and spoken with Joe several times in the previous months regarding my preparation and how things were to proceed throughout the trial so I wasn't expecting to hear what he had to say that day. It was one of those after standard business hours calls as Joe was always working hard on the case. He said that everything was progressing well but they had made an important decision regarding me and the charges I pressed against Jeffrey Marsalis that were included with the other victim's as part of the trial. He said they were going to drop the charges and that I would not be testifying. This was an important strategic decision that he and his team had made as they were thinking long term in case this upcoming trial outcome went the way of the January 2006 trial against Marsalis. (Reminder: Three women accused him of drugging and raping them but he was acquitted on all charges.)
My first reaction was a mixture of shock, sadness and disappointment. It was absolutely the last thing I had expected to hear after putting so much of myself out there and working so hard emotionally to get ready for the trial. Joe gave me plenty of time to digest what he had told me and let me express my thoughts and ask all the questions I had for him. He thoroughly explained that there were specific details of my case that were very important and if he was acquitted again or didn't received a sufficient enough sentencing in either the Philadelphia or Idaho trial then they could proceed with my individual case. Joe made sure that I was in support because it directly affected me. I told him I trusted him and whatever decisions he made and he obviously knew much better than I did on the subject. The reality of this meant that I would be in it for much longer than I initially anticipated but as I had said to him several times before I was committed for as long as they needed me to be. Jeffrey Marsalis was a predator and a monster that victimized dozens of women, took no responsibility for his violent actions as he didn't think he did anything wrong and if given the chance would get out of jail and commit those heinous crimes again and again. No matter how difficult this was for me I was not going to let that happen as long as I took a breath.
Joe did say that I would continue to be an important part of this trial. He would need me to stand united with the other victims in the courtroom and I would be asked to attend the closing arguments and if the trial went well the sentencing. He said I had already been a part of getting to where they were and he would continue to directly keep in contact with me. I was very happy to hear that knowing all I had been through so far served a purpose. I asked him a few more minor questions and he said he would be calling me again soon.
This would be another topic for discussion at my next session with Laura. I really wanted to get up and testify but she had some amazing insight and helped me work through every aspect of what the consequences of testifying would involve. There actually was an up side to not testifying and that was 'what if the jury didn't believe me?' I would have been through all that for nothing. As much as everyone in law enforcement had been supportive that didn't mean a jury of my "peers" would and that would be devastating. She let me verbalize my feelings to her and again this was helpful because I could be completely open and honest with her. She was the only one every time and I was thankful for that. Even with the prosecutor these feelings were not something I would express to him as I knew his job was hard enough without have to be my sounding board too. The first day of trial was coming up quickly and my anxiety level was also going up...
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