...Throughout the next couple of months I would meet with Laura every other Thursday after work. I looked forward to those appointments. Having someone to talk to who has a professional perspective, has heard stories similar to mine and treated women like me was very comforting. She knew the right questions to ask because her experience allowed her to anticipate what I was thinking and dealing with as a rape survivor. She not just asked all the questions and I did all the talking but she allowed me to ask questions of her. I could ask her all the "why's" Why did this happen to me? Why didn't I see through his lies? Why did I react the way I did after? As the trial date grew closer I had specific questions about what was going to happen in court. Since WOAR had court advocates (Kathy for one) Laura would do her best to get the answers I needed.
As the trial date grew closer I began to get more anxious about many trial related things. As a result I was having a weird (although not uncommon with trauma) reaction. I previously stated I was an avid gym attendee. I had always loved to work out and it was a regular part of my day for half my life. I began to see a fellow member almost daily who upon my first sighting shocked me. The guy looked exactly like my attacker. Of course it wasn't him because he was safely locked away in a Philadelphia jail cell. It was disturbing and unnerving. Why was this happening? I had attended this gym for years and knew all the other regulars and all of a sudden I'm seeing this look-a-like every day on the equipment. I told Laura about this and she tried to ease my anxiety by explaining this was very common. It's the brains (sick-my words not hers) way of dealing with what I was going through. Well I didn't like that one bit! Also, and she would not divulge this to me until 2 years later, it's common for patients with PTSD which she had diagnosed me with and documented.
My therapy with Laura included several types of treatment. There was talk therapy, which I liked, and a few writing assignments. One of which would be writing a letter to Marsalis and telling him how I feel about him and what he did to me. This was very cleansing for me because I got to say everything I wanted to without having to wonder if he will respond and how. I had no plans to ever do such a thing because I didn't care what he thought or had to say. Everything that has ever come out of his mouth was a lie and to this day he doesn't think he's done anything wrong to any of the victims. He is a very disturbed monster (I will not call him a man) and what he thinks is of no value to me as far as my mental health is concerned. Plus I didn't want him to know much I was thinking about this.
I would continue on through the Spring with my regular sessions but in May would receive a call that would change things for me yet again...
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