...As I had previously written, this was all going on the week before Christmas and as if things weren't going badly enough they were about to get just a little bit worse as far as my personal relationship was concerned. Friday morning I woke up and drove to my doctor's office to pick up the comprehensive prescription written for me so I can get over to the lab for a blood test. Up until now I wasn't feeling any STD symptoms but that really meant nothing. I wanted to be sure I was healthy and get that out of the way as soon as possible especially if I had to face something minor as a round of antibiotics or something more serious and potentially life threatening. The results wouldn't come back for a week due to the Holiday weekend but when the doctor did call she delivered the news that the tests came out negative. One less thing to worry about and at this point every little bit helped.
Saturday morning, Christmas Eve day, I woke up with a lot on my schedule like anyone else would have that day. I went to the gym, something I did/do whether I was/am happy, sad, busy, bored, stressed or relaxed. It was and still is a constant in my life. As I left the locker room and on my way out to the car I checked my cell phone for messages and had one from the guy I was dating at the time. If any of you were a fan of Sex and the City there was the episode where Carrie gets dumped on a post-it note, well I got dumped on a voice mail. A real cowards way out and on Christmas Eve no less. My emotional state was already beyond fragile but this put me right over the edge, not so much that we were at the getting serious stage (as I said in an earlier post the signs of his declining interest were there) but because of the way he did it on the day he did it and after the week I had although I hadn't told him what happened. I was beside myself, paralyzed by tears sitting in my car in the gym parking lot. I called my friend (the one that was there for me in the bathroom of my office on Monday) and as busy as she also was that morning she gave me her ear and let me cry until I was all out of tears. She was and is a good friend in every sense. Seriously what next?! A funny aside - when I told my guy friends at work the next week about the "break-up" they all repeated the same statement. He couldn't have waited until Monday? Who does that? At least I had a good laugh, they were good guys! I did call the guy back and left a message on his cell and house phone confronting him with that fact that I deserved the respect of him at least talking to me directly. He did call me but it was so much later in the day that I was on my out the door for Mass. Whatever, I really only wanted to put him through the torture of my reading him the riot act and no other reason and yes it helped a little to listen to him squirm :-).
I spent Christmas Day with my family somewhat withdrawn which is VERY unlike me but I didn't want to ruin everyone's day with my being emotional so I put a smile on my face (which I'm really good at) and got through the day. It had been such a loooong week with so many things going on I would have preferred the solace and quiet of my home and my sweet dog Abigail. It was my first experience with the secret I was going to keep from my family and friends for a very long time. Secrets and Lies are not something I'm good at and prefer to avoid them at all costs. Life is a lot easier when you live it honestly but this is beyond the scope of your average, everyday secret. It would be more than 9 months before I started to tell a select few people and that was only out of necessity. New Year's would come and go with no plans and little fanfare. It was better that way. I was gearing up for the emotional and mental fight of my life!
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