...The next day I got up and went to work but my mind was distracted by thoughts of how long will they take? will they come back with guilty, not guilty? what were they thinking? whose side did they believe? I knew when the verdict did come in Joe Kahn would call but that didn't stop me from checking the internet frequently. As the work day and (jury deliberation day) came to an end I was already feeling defeated. Of course to me it should have been an easy decision!
Each day passed slowly and there was a weekend in between which was excruciating. I was becoming more and more anxious each day that passed without any word. Why were they taking so long??!! I was also beginning to develop feelings of dread. This delay in a verdict could not be a good thing for the victims by any means. If they believed them it shouldn't be taking this many days to reflect as such.
Then in the early afternoon of Day 5 I actually had a moment of peace where my mind was distracted by work (yes I know that's backwards). I was doing some research and logged onto the internet where right in front of me in bold type on the MSN home page the news of the verdict was reported. "Not Guilty of Rape"! Marsalis was found guilty on 2 counts of sexual assault, 1 each for 2 of the 7 women out of a total of 37 charges. What?! This can't be! I read the story so fast and furiously looking for as much information as possible and then reread it several times. As I did so I had tears streaming down my face and was sobbing uncontrollably. As much as I was trying to keep it together (because I was at my desk in my cubicle surrounded by my co-workers and friends) I just couldn't. My emotions took over. The first to hear me and come over was my friend Denae. She asked what was wrong and I pointed to the computer screen and tried to express myself in words but was unable to. She consoled me as best she could. Next to come over were my previous and current supervisors. They brought me into an empty office to grieve and talk it out. My boss told me that under the circumstances he thought it best that I go home and take the time I needed to process what happened. I was so thankful for all the kindness and generosity he showed throughout.
I got myself together and went back to my desk. I wanted to clean it up before I left for the day but first I called Joe Kahn to find out what he knew and find out more details about what all this was going to mean. It was not surprising his voicemail came on and I left a message. I really needed to talk to someone so I called my counselor (as it so happened I was scheduled for a session that evening and relieved to have that to look forward to). By this time she already knew about the verdict so we spoke only briefly and we hung up. Next I called my mom real quick to give her the news and tell her I was leaving work and going to therapy. Then I grabbed my things said good-bye to my friend, my boss and left the office.
This was only the beginning of a long emotional afternoon and evening...
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