Why Still Victim Blaming?

...As a supporter and advocate of violence against women I was surprised and sickened yet again by the victim blaming I was seeing on TV after the Baltimore Ravens game last night. The reporters approached women wearing Ray Rice jerseys and asked them why they would continue to support a player who is no longer on the team and suspended by the NFL not because of an injury or minor infraction but because he brutally assaulted and knocked unconscious his then fiancee and now wife. Their comments ranged from 'she hit him first' and 'he had a right to defend himself' to 'he's a good man who has done a lot for the city of Baltimore'. It didn't matter the reason, excuse or comment they had (some actually had the facts of the assault incorrect). What was troubling to me is that women continue to blame the victim.

Victim blaming is one of the biggest obstacles domestic violence and sexual assault organizations and prosecutors have to overcome. Why is it that with any other crime against a person the victim is not blamed? Burglaries, murders, carjackings, home invasions, muggings I could go on and on but you see where I am going with this and it is that when others stand in judgement or comment it's not directed toward the victim or anything they may have done to provoke a crime committed against them. What makes people so uncomfortable about a women being beaten by an intimate partner or raped whether be it by a stranger on the street or out on a date? Why isn't the first thought or words out of someone's mouth 'Is she OK?' not 'What was she wearing, was she drunk, what did she do to provoke such rage from a man???' 

I have been on the receiving end of victim blaming as a survivor of date rape. I sat in court and listened to my rapists defense attorney sweet talk a jury into believing that because my attacker fabricated his profile on Match.com and lied directly to our faces about his life as a doctor and astronaut we were bitter. He told the jury that bitterness lead to our coming forward and accusing him of drugging and raping us. As much as you know what happened to you is not a lie listening to someone else deflect blame makes you feel very, very small. It is for that simple reason I speak out and advocate because I don't ever want another victim to feel like that.

We have come a long way since the introduction of the Violence Against Women Act was introduced in Congress 20 years ago but unfortunately there is still a long way to go. For the most part the coverage I have been watching this week has made me proud of the work done by all the advocates who have come before me. The sports commentators, the morning show hosts, the local and national news anchors and reports from the man/women on the street didn't hesitate to show their support for the VAW cause and the disgust for those opinions who for some misguided reason think otherwise. 

What gets me every time is the victim blaming from other women. As women we need to stand together and support each other not criticize. Women are the backbone of society and we can do anything and everything we put our mind to but so many want to stand back and point out flaws, failures and generally what other women are doing wrong. It needs to stop! We need to come together because until women stop victim blaming then how are those men that do it motivated to stop too. Let's challenge each other to change the culture and ask those who do victim blame to educate themselves so as not to continue the cycle into the next generation...