...Today as we celebrate the 20th anniversary of the Violence Against Women Act I wanted to write about a story pertaining to domestic violence that's been in the news this Summer. That is the brutal beating by an NFL player on his then fiancée now wife earlier this year in an Atlantic City casino elevator. We had up until September 9th only seen the disturbing footage of her being dragged out of the elevator unconscious by her abuser Baltimore Ravens Ray Rice. The NFL had suspended him for two games and a deal was made with the Atlantic County prosecutor's office for him to attend anger management classes. There was outrage coming from everywhere and not just women's and domestic violence organizations but from the sports media and athletes current and former. This resulted in an overhaul of the domestic violence and sexual assault policy by the NFL and an apology by the commissioner Roger Goodell which was praised by all as being a step in the right direction. When I first heard the news that the entire video had been obtained and released by TMZ that morning which included the abuse before entering and inside the elevator. It was shocking and upsetting to say the least and everyone was talking about it. I receive many breaking news alerts for all types of media and the first one I got was from SportsCenter reporting as a result of the new video Ray Rice was released by the Baltimore Ravens and then a short time later indefinitely suspended by the NFL. My boyfriend and I turned our TV to ESPN and watched the reaction and coverage the rest of the afternoon. I couldn't get the moment of abuse out of my head and was close to tears many times.
What I want to talk about today is not the failures made up to this point by the NFL, the Commissioner, the Atlantic County prosecutors office or anyone else involved for that matter but my first thoughts after viewing the video. This now put a face on it for all those who have thankfully never been a victim of domestic violence or sexual assault. I know there a so many compassionate people out there who maybe not publicly but privately support victims and there are also those that excuse, criticize and blame. If you are not somehow personally involved it's abstract. As a victim of sexual assault I know first hand what it's like and when I hear a report or meet another victim I don't have questions or comments or judgements. I can only explain it as being unconditional. I believe them and stand by them. Now the video is out and everyone can see what it looks like. Not just the bruises that surface later.
If everyone could put the face of a loved one in the place of the victim Janay Palmer in that elevator then wouldn't we all think and react differently? There was a monumental amount of support yesterday for the awareness of domestic violence but there were still those questions and blaming the victim comments. She responded the next day with a statement and what I ask is that everyone not read into or judge her comments. She is a victim and has so many things going on emotionally and mentally that you won't ever understand. Read her comments if you wish but set them aside without another thought. Please! Domestic violence and sexual assault victims respond with common behaviors as a result of their experience that is hard for the average person on the street to relate. I am living proof.
I'm also going to give my readers a reality check. You most likely have sat in a room with, walked past on the street, stood by in the coffee shop a domestic violence or sexual assault victim today. We are everywhere and we are really good at hiding the deep dark secret. When I began telling more of my family and friends several had personal stories of their own to share regarding family members who have been assaulted. This makes me so sad that there are so many out there. You just don't know unless they choose to tell you.
After the news broke I sent out a few tweets. One of which was to TMZ and Harvey Levin thanking them for releasing the video. Although graphic I personally felt it was necessary because even though we had seen the last part of it where she is being dragged out of the elevator I believe the reality of what happened inside of the elevator was important for all to see. I received a tweet in response from someone who was trolling any supporters of the video release and this is what it said "Suck it hoe". Really?! I actually broke out into uncontrollable laughter because it was so ridiculous. If you're going to criticize or insult me then come up with something a lot better than that. I would have much more appreciated an eloquently worded insult but I guess beggars can't be choosers. My point is no matter what there are people out there who will only see this subject the way they want. Not for the reality in front of them.
I do in my heart believe that the more we talk about it the less taboo it is and the more informed the public will become. In an interview by Tamron Hall with Joe Biden on The Today Show Mr. Biden talked about how little interest and a lot of push back he got when introducing the Violence Against Women Act bill 20 years ago. Because he didn't give up there have been so many important changes as a result. Let's continue to support the victims any way we can. Since starting my speak out mission over 5 years ago I have met so many good people who are doing their best to support. I refuse to be discouraged by the ignorant and uninformed.
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