FROM VICTIM TO SURVIVOR

To tell my story as a date rape survivor and communicate my message in a way that can help the most people.

Monday, September 15, 2014

California Here I Come!

...After months of anticipation and planning I woke up on Friday October 25th 2013 aka Moving Day. The moving company had come and gone the day before to pack up what I hadn't and put all the boxes and small furniture in the truck that would then go into a tractor trailer with other customers prized possessions and make it's way to my final destination of Burbank. It seemed like a simple plan at the time. I would get up, do a last load of laundry, tidy up the condo as it was still being shown by the rental agent, finish packing my two checked bags (free for me because of my frequent flyer status) and my two carry on bags then await my mom, brother and sister-in-law to arrive, say good bye to them and be taken to the airport for my 8:30pm flight. In reality none of it happened that way. I was exhausted from the past two months and all the planning in the world would not prepare me for the mental breakdown I had that day. As with every day previously that I spent packing it always took longer than anticipated and the clock moved at lightening speed. By the time I got out of the shower and looked around at what still had to be done I was completely overwhelmed and called my mom in a full blown emotional breakdown. She wasn't supposed to come over until mid-afternoon but as she drove home from a client appointment she said she could come over immediately and sort everything out that was left to do. I called my brother next and he said they could come over early too.

They all arrived at my house but I continued to freak out about what still had to be done as they continued to tell me it wasn't as bad as I thought and what didn't fit into the suitcases could easily be put in a box and shipped to me. My mom said she would come by the next day and take care of it. I think I just needed them there so I wouldn't be spending the last few hours in my house alone. It was my home for 19 years and the place I resided in the longest in my life so far. There was my first 9 years in NY, then 14 years through middle and high school then after college with my mom. I had an apartment somewhere else when I first moved out on my own then the condo where I spent really most of my adult life. Even though I wasn't selling the place I was leaving most of the furniture left for rental purposes and I would never be moving back so it was yet another good bye for me. The three of them sat around as I finished my packing and gave away those last few cleaning supplies and food from the the fridge and cabinets that I hadn't eaten. I finished up with about 1/2 hour left. We chatted about nothing then I hugged tightly my brother and sister-in-law, spent a few minutes alone in the condo for a last look around and walked out the door. 

It was a sunny, Fall afternoon and we got to the airport without any traffic. We pulled up to the terminal, got all my bags out and tried very hard not to get teary eyed. Mom had already planned to come visit in early January so at least we had that to look forward to. I made my way to the gate, (one I had sat in before as I had flown so many times to LA the airlines use the same ones) and sat down. It was there that I had my second meltdown of the day. I honestly couldn't wait to get on the plane in my first class upgraded seat (another perk for frequent flying) and get a glass of wine in my hands. This whole day felt like being in limbo. I didn't live in NJ anymore and I didn't live in CA yet. I really couldn't take much more of it. I called my best friend Renee who had come over to my house the day before to say good bye and I quietly sobbed (I really wasn't interested in causing a scene). I told her what I was feeling and she listened as she had always done so well before. I called to talk to my mom again briefly. Then I chatted with some other women sitting next to me waiting to board about their upcoming vacations which helped a lot too. It had always been easier for me to focus on others than go on and on about my nonsense.

Finally the boarding call came and I was practically the first one seated knowing that the flight attendant gets you a drink immediately, one I needed so desperately to calm my nerves. I texted my brother as I always did from the plane to rub it in. We tease each other endlessly. I texted Steve to let him know I had boarded so he could track the plane online. Ever the thoughtful boyfriend he had surprised me earlier with the information that he hired a car service to pick me up and they would be at the airport to take me to my new life in style. He would be going out with friends but waiting at home by the time I arrived which wouldn't be until after midnight. The plane was done boarding and made its way to the runway and as we took off I looked out the window and after weeks and weeks of them I said my final good bye...

No comments:

Post a Comment