FROM VICTIM TO SURVIVOR

To tell my story as a date rape survivor and communicate my message in a way that can help the most people.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

This Sounds Familiar

...Several times I have mentioned a valuable friendship that came out of my one unfortunate encounter with Jeffrey Marsalis 10 years ago. I talked about how she and I met during the taping of the ABC News interview and had an immediate connection that didn't just include our being drugged and raped by the same monster. We have both been luck enough to meet amazing, supporting men with whom we will spend the rest of our lives. A few weeks ago Kristen told me she had finally sat down to write her story of the night she was assaulted by Marsalis and what was to follow and yesterday she shared it with me. While I was posting about the trial in Philadelphia I wrote at length about how similar the stories were as his victims got up on the stand to testify. I did not know the exact details of my friends rape but as I read through it I couldn't believe how so many specifics that happened to her were either similar or the same as me, not to mention the similar thoughts and feeling we both expressed afterwards. There are commonalities in the reactions by rape victims. Even after all this time and what I know it still catches me off guard. Those details follow:

We met him on Match.com both remember thinking his profile had too many pictures and gave off the impression of being a bit full of himself. We spoke on the phone first recalling that he blocked his phone number from the caller ID and planned our almost exact "dates". He directed us where to park, met up with us and headed out for some bar hopping. We both speak about having easy conversations with him and how he somehow managed to show his (what we now know were fake) ID's. He used the same story of NASA and his medical residency at a prestigious Philadelphia hospital. We each woke up the next morning naked in his bed with little or no memory why or what happened and never having had the intention of having sex with him at any point while we were conscious. He was nice to us the next morning and walked us out to our cars like any gentlemen would HAH!! 

Kristen then tells of how she was missing money out of her wallet the next morning and thinking how odd that was. I also had money missing out of my wallet when I paid for the bagel and water on the way to my car. Later when I met with the SVU detective he told me other victims had money stolen too. Since he met us both on Match.com her profile was also among those confiscated during the search of his Idaho apartment after his arrest there. Once each of us were contacted, met with the SVU detectives and informed of the real Jeffrey Marsalis and all he did we each knew our initial instincts were correct about that night, what we thought about him and the missing puzzle pieces were actually incidents of our being drugged and raped. We never did give consent. We each talk about taking the practical step of being tested for STD/HIV, etc. because knowledge was power and sticking our head in the sand wasn't an option. 

As for the trial we attended the closing arguments together (but weren't introduced) seeing Marsalis for the first time in several years and how satisfying it was to see how terrible he looked. We expressed sharing the same contempt for his female attorney and for the jury that somehow couldn't grasp the fact that 7 women unknown to each other could tell the same story and somehow not be credible enough to convict him properly. We both received excellent counseling which allowed us to heal and move forward with our lives.

I want to thank Kristen for so generously allowing me to share her story. She has been backing me since I first began to speak out 5 years ago and it means everything. Like me she also did not testify at the Philadelphia but she played a significant role of support and getting justice for herself and all his other victims.

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