FROM VICTIM TO SURVIVOR

To tell my story as a date rape survivor and communicate my message in a way that can help the most people.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Being There For Someone Else Now

...In August 2012 I received another request to speak at U of Penn in the Fall but my speaking requests slowed down after that. Which at the moment was good because it gave me time to focus on a new challenge in my life. I was now working with Steve to manage his new diet restrictions. As healthy as I had eaten for most of my life we were now going to have to be extra careful when purchasing snack items,etc. and choosing the restaurants we visited. I had almost completely cut out processed food years before but this was all new to Steve and I was happy to learn along with him all the new adjustments to his/our diet. He became nearly obsessive about it which I suppose was better than being apathetic and I was proud at how seriously he was taking his health now. He began researching recipes and modifying ones that he liked to fit his diet. He also learned to have honest conversations with our servers when we went out to eat. We never encountered anyone uncooperative and they would gladly go back to question the kitchen regarding what was in certain food items. The diet modification was becoming routine but my next real obstacle was getting Steve to the gym and introducing him to a workout routine. One thing at a time though because I didn't want him to get overwhelmed and discouraged.

Early on the 3rd Monday in August after a long weekend visit I dropped Steve off at the airport. When he landed he called me with very bad news. While he was in the air to LA his father suffered a fall in his home and was injured badly. As soon as he landed he got the voice mail from his brother that he was in the hospital. Steve would arrive home from the airport and start searching for flights to return to the East coast. I had mentioned before we met in college and he grew up in the same area of South Jersey I lived although his parents had sold their house and moved to Delaware. He and I talked later in the day and his plan was to return on Friday and go down there for the weekend. I told him I would pick him up at the airport and we would drive straight to the hospital. He was taken aback and didn't want me to feel I was obligated. I quickly shot him down and said it was decided I would be with him to get through what would be a difficult weekend. I researched hotels and we got one of the last rooms in the area as it was the U of Delaware homecoming that weekend. Only the week before he asked if at some point during his December visit for the holidays would I want to take a trip down so he could see his parents and I could meet them. Unfortunately I would now be meeting his mother, brother, sister and niece under very different circumstances.

It was a long exhausting weekend and I'm so glad I insisted on being with him so he could have someone to lean on and talk out what he was dealing with. Thankfully he had rushed back to see his father as he passed away two days after Steve returned to LA. A few days after that I had a previously planned long weekend visit to LA as it was Labor Day and my birthday so I had taken the Friday off from work. I am so glad for that timing so I could be there for Steve during his grieving process and be able to be the support he needed. Since then he has showed unlimited support for me in the past few years especially after I moved out to LA and began my new adventure/career as a public speaker and advocate for date rape and sexual assault. We continue to be there for each other and no matter what we encounter it's together...

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