...It was a cold March night but I was really looking forward to what was planned. As my girlfriends and I got older we were seeing less and less of each other because life happens. We were in relationships, getting engaged, married and having babies so getting together was sometimes a logistical nightmare that would leave even the best party planner frazzled. But finally we had settled on a night to go out and celebrate my friend's birthday at a club in Philly called 32(degrees). We would dance and celebrate like old times.
The night was off to a good start as everyone arrived at the bar, quickly started chatting each other up, toasting to my friends birthday and mingling with the people around us. Within an hour the club was packed and loud and we were all having a great time. That was about to change as I began to witness something that was increasingly upsetting to me. My friends and I were standing at the bar and in the open space between it and the bottle service tables. Near us was a large group of about 8, more guys than girls. One of the girls appeared to be very drunk but from my unfortunate experience it looked like more than just too much alcohol that was affecting her. She had a drink in her hand but was barely able to hold on to it as she was at almost a complete loss of control of her body. For several minutes I watched as she leaned against the wall that barely held her up. Then as she moved towards the group she was nearly on the floor all the while surrounded by her "friends". The other girls ignored her and I did not feel comfortable with how the guys were reacting to her. They allowed her to not only lean up against them but to fall all over them. They didn't try to help her in any way nor did they take the drink away from her. Who would treat a friend this way and why didn't they care?
I grabbed my friend Renee to tell her what I saw, asked her to watch and if in her opinion she thought something wasn't right about the who scenario either. She agreed with me so I then said we need to alert the club's security who was standing nearby. The first one I spoke to was not taking me seriously so I walked away and approached another. At this point I was near tears because I was still watching this girl acting in a manner that was beyond just the effects of too many drinks. My friend stood by me as I tried to keep calm and explain that they needed to intervene for her own safety. This took way too much persuading on my part before he finally agreed to check on her.
My mind was racing as I was having flashbacks to what had happened to me. I was also thinking of the other victims of Jeffrey Marsalis, the assaults committed by him and if just one person had stepped in to speak up on their behalf how for some things would have ended up a lot differently. I'm not including myself as I know I was drugged in his apartment. I simply could not get a hold of my emotions and asked Renee if we could go home as we had come together. She didn't hesitate to say yes so we made up an excuse, said good-bye to our friends and left. I couldn't shake what happened that night for quite a while. It most definitely set my healing back a bit and I spent the next counseling session with Laura talking about it.
At the time I didn't know anything about being an 'Active Bystander' or 'Bystander Awareness' but what I did know is that just a little common sense can go a long way to saving someone's life. Please read the article link above and share my post with your family and friends. If you see something that is setting off your instinct alarms then speak up, say something or tell someone. You will only regret not doing so!
As part of RAINN's ItsOnUs awareness campaign to prevent campus sexual assault I have included their Four Ways to Keep Friends Safe provided here.
→ Distract. If you see a friend in a situation that doesn’t feel quite right, create a distraction to get your friend to safety.
→ Step in. If you see someone who looks uncomfortable or is at risk, step in. If you feel safe, find a way to de-escalate the situation and separate all parties involved.
→ Enlist others. You don’t have to go it alone. Call on friends or other people in the area as reinforcements to help defuse a dangerous situation and get the at-risk person home safely.
→ Keep an eye out. Simply being aware of your surroundings can have a big impact on someone’s life. If you see someone who has had too much to drink or could be vulnerable, try to get them to a safe place.
No comments:
Post a Comment