FROM VICTIM TO SURVIVOR

To tell my story as a date rape survivor and communicate my message in a way that can help the most people.

Monday, July 7, 2014

Time to go to Court

...I woke up the morning of October 31st the day of the preliminary hearing thinking I was as ready as I'll ever be. So I made some tea and a bowl of cereal and turned on the local news. BIG MISTAKE! Why? Because Jeffrey Marsalis' mug shot went up on the screen and the anchor began to report the story of the accused Match.com rapist and the 11 women prepared to testify later that day. What little was holding me together came completely unglued at that moment. No one is ever prepared to see a report on the news about their life. Up until that point I was focused on all that I had to deal with since Christmas week the previous year. As I sat staring at the TV screen the tears came rushing out. I was flooded with emotion and the realization that what I was doing was much bigger than I was allowing myself to think up until that point. I had a good cry and then got myself together, got dressed, got in my car and drove to the courthouse. I simply didn't have time to sit around the house letting out my emotions.

The courthouse itself was overwhelming. Philadelphia is a large city with a criminal courts building multiple stories high. I walked into the main entrance, had to relinquish my cell phone where it was actually checked into a box like a coat at a restaurant and was handed a ticket. Once I got through the airport like security lines I made my way towards the elevator and stepped off the floor of my assigned courtroom and was in for my second shock of the morning. The scene outside the courtroom was like right out of a movie. I couldn't believe how many people were there. I saw the prosecutor, Joe Khan and his team of associates even his boss, the chief of the unit was checking in throughout the day. Detective O'Malley was there with many of the other detectives from the Special Victims Unit and a local FBI agent too working as part of the federal investigation. The other victims were there but we were separated since an important part of the prosecutions case was that although our stories of encounters with Marsalis were eerily similar we had never met or spoken to each other and shared our personal assaults in any way.

Even though I was sitting alone I was never left alone for long. The police and prosecutors continued to check in on me to see how I was doing, if I needed anything and to keep me informed as to where there were as to who was and who will be testifying next. What I did know was that some other victims had traveled a distance to come and testify and others had certain family/personal commitments and because I lived nearby I would be one of the last women to testify.

Among the large group in the hallway that day were members of the local print and television media. While I was sitting there a familiar TV reporter from a channel I watched daily came to sit down next to me. He was polite, introduced himself and extended his hand to shake mine. I responded by shaking it back and saying hello. We exchanged brief pleasantries and he asked if I was an attorney. I simply said no and offered nothing else. It was like he read my mind and knew I was one of the victims. He responded ok, that it was nice to meet me got up and walked away. His kindness and compassion I will remember forever. He is still a reporter at NBC10 in Philadelphia, his name is Harry Hairston and he deserves to be recognized for that. Throughout the prelim, trial, sentencing and following the press has always reported the story but been in my mind leaned towards the victims side. That in of itself was comforting to a sexual assault victim.

There was one other person I met that day who would turn out to be a "life saver". Kathy from WOAR (Women Organized Against Rape) sat down next to me and introduced herself and explained the services they offered. WOAR is one of the original and oldest rape crisis centers in the country and set the benchmark for all others. Kathy was a court advocate and her job is to make sure rape victims know that WOAR is available to them for counseling services, hotline, essentially a safe place for them to go. She took my name and provided me with her business card. I took it, thanked her and said good bye but had no idea how much I was going to need their services. Six weeks later I would be making a phone call...

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