FROM VICTIM TO SURVIVOR

To tell my story as a date rape survivor and communicate my message in a way that can help the most people.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Closing Arguments

...If I thought it was crazy outside the courtroom the day of the preliminary hearing I hadn't seen anything yet! The buzz in and outside of the courtroom that day was at a fever pitch. The trial had gone on for about two weeks and although it was big in the media it was even bigger among the attorneys of the DA's office. The courtroom was so filled to capacity some associates (not directly related to the case were asked to leave to make room for the VIP's. Those of course were the victims and any family members with them. This trial was a learning experience for young ADA's for many reasons.To mention a few, one was that it is unfortunately rare for rape cases to go all the way to trial and another was the number of victims involved whether it be those that testified or those that did not.

I met Joe in the hallway and he escorted me in and brought me to where I would be sitting with the other victims. They included all the women that testified for this trial and other victims who didn't similar to me. I was seated on the end of the third row to the right side of the courtroom behind the prosecution's table and the jury box to the right of them. The room filled up quickly and other victims joined me in the same section although some were in the front and second rows. We were loosely introduced but it was still very important that we not discuss our individual cases with each other. I was taking it all in. My counselor at WOAR had spoken with my savior Kathy, their court advocate, so I knew she would be there to silently support me and I did spot her and we waved to each other. The other attorney's from the prosecution team were there and finally the media. People were squeezed as tight as humanly possible on those wooden benches. One important note to make is that Marsalis had no show of support whatsoever by his family. His father was paying for his defense but that's where it stopped. He was alone except for his defense attorneys. The other women and I discussed how telling that was of his character that his own parents weren't even there.

My emotions were mixed as I was really looking forward to seeing Joe Kahn in action and present his final statements to the jury wrapping up his case but I in no way was interested in listening to the defense speak to the jury and malign the other victims. Even though I didn't know any of those women I was as protective of them as if they were my own family. This would also be the first time I was to lay eyes on Jeffrey Marsalis since November 1st, more than 6 months earlier. My anxiety level was pretty high. I had developed irrational thoughts in the previous months that he would somehow escape prison and come after me because I had spoken out. Yes, this was yet another topic I discussed with Laura in therapy but I would carry this for several years to follow.

Things were beginning to settle down as the start time got closer and the judge was going to come in and take his seat on the bench. Once he was seated it was time for the bailiff and court officers to bring in Marsalis. There was a door to the far left where a lot of activity was and some odd commotion being made about getting him his tie. He entered the room and sat down between his two attorneys. My first reaction was WOW! jail was not being kind to him at all. He looked almost like a completely different person. He had lost a lot of weight and his face was pasty and generally unhealthy looking. The other women and I looked at each other and smiled all knowing what the other was thinking. Payback is a bitch isn't it Dr. Jeff?! Then came my moment of shear satisfaction. I was looking at him and for some reason he turned his head and glanced backwards towards where I was sitting and we made eye contact. He was probably just scanning the room and was turning his head back around when it snapped back again towards me. The look on his face was shock, surprise and for once that always smug son-of-a-bitch showed just a bit of fear. Remember my charges against him had been dropped so in his mind I was quietly receding into the background but when he saw me he was now unsure as to what was actually going on. Why was I there if I no longer had charges against him? That was a powerful moment for me and it felt so good. It was as if I said to him silently "you are not going to get rid of me that easily!" To this day the look on his face is happily burned into my mind. I can see it as I write this. Now I was ready for what the rest of that day had in store for me...

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