...I think it's important as a date rape survivor and advocate to talk about all the good things that can come once you share your story. This time I'm not referring to the support you receive from law enforcement, prosecutors or counselors but friends, family and co-workers. This week I have received direct and indirect encouragement for my choice to speak out on my own behalf and champion awareness for subject of sexual assault, its victims and survivors.
When I first spoke out publicly at the WOAR event it was in front of those who knew why I was there and what I was going to talk about and that continued as I attended events and granted interviews where I told my story. This form of "anonymity" made it easier but discussing what happened to me face to face with those that knew and loved me was awkward. You can't just blurt it out during a family gathering, over lunch with a colleague or while having dinner with friends. I had to plan ahead when and how I was going to tell someone. In the weeks leading up to my move to LA I was seeing all my friends individually to spend time with them and for some, their kids too. The girls I hadn't shared my story with I did and each time I explained it wasn't that I didn't trust them enough to tell them what happened but it never seemed like the right moment.
Last week was a co-worker's birthday so for Throwback Thursday I dug out a picture of all of us after our company Christmas party and as a result received a friend request from a supervisor while I worked there. She messaged me to say she had known the basic story but took the time to read by blog to find out all the details of my experience. This past week I received from friends links to articles regarding stories in the news relating to important date rape prevention campaigns. Most recently I had written the post "All Along There Was This Too" and posted it to Facebook which I normally don't do but there was a message I wanted to get to everyone who had been there for me during the difficult times even if they didn't know it. I received a text from a friend/former co-worker (different company) who I hadn't told. She was sad to hear what I had gone through and upset that she somehow didn't know which how could she because I kept the secret from her not the other way around. When I get reactions like this I completely understand and always feel guilty because I know if it was my friend I would want to know so I could be there for them too.
Every time I have shared my story or someone has found out on their own or when someone passes along an article their direct words of support and compassion or indirect involvement in my mission of awareness and advocacy it fills me with overwhelming feeling of being grateful and thankful. No one can know except if you are the unfortunate victim of a sexual crime what these acts of kindness do for your self esteem. It adds to the strength a victim or survivor needs to move forward in their healing and removes a little bit more of feeling excluded and knowing they are different. All we ever want is to move further and further away from the assault and towards a life of normalcy. We will forever be changed because of what happened to us but we just want to cease being an outsider and be a part of society like everyone else...
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