...Week 2 in preparation for the big move begins with my speech to the Penn Victimology class except this one would be a little different. Dr. Brown also invited the former prosecutor who had spoken at the Psychiatry Seminar in January along with me. She liked how we complemented each other for several reasons one is he uses my case in his speeches because of its high profile nature and the alarming number of sexual assault victims for one rapist. In January we had naturally looked too each other during each of our speeches and the Q & A afterwards when we referred to each other to better answer certain questions. As was the order in January I would speak first then he would speak next but we could jump in during the Q & A for the students.
When the professor introduced me she had some very flattering words to say about this being my last speech to her class as I was moving on with my life on another coast. I was able to expand on that a little during the speech and let the students know that there are good things waiting for you in life even after a severe trauma and life changing experience. As always I stayed after to chat with any students who wanted to privately and then the professor and I said our good bye's. We didn't know at the time that she would be inviting me back.
Although I was getting used to saying farewell to all those people who were important in my life it didn't get any easier. It seemed as if every day there was someone new I was catching up with then saying goodbye. I was emotionally exhausted from the all the details and plans I had to take care of on top of knowing I would not be seeing those important in my life or available to be part of the life events I had for so many years. I tried not to think of that though because otherwise I would not be able to function. It was one day at a time with me. The next day I made plans to meet my cousin in NYC for the day (she lives in Queens) so we could see the Jackson Pollack exhibit and have lunch. We are only a few weeks apart in age and have been as close as sisters since birth. When I lived on Staten Island our moms got together all the time and so did we. Once I moved to NJ we continued to stay close through High School, College, etc. Even if we didn't speak for a while when we did it was as if no time had passed. I would not leave the East Coast without seeing her.
I also spent time finalizing the details for the documentary interview at my house the next day. The production manager sent me their schedule and it was going to be a very full, very long day which was fine with me as long as I knew that going in. I had my outfit picked out, got a makeover and bought makeup that would look good on HD cameras and of course cleaned the house. In the midst of the moving madness it was actually good to have one day that would take my mind off of it all and focus on what was really important to me and my career future. I had lived in my condo for 19 years and a minimalist by nature so clutter wasn't an issue when it came to the packing part. Twice a year I would go through my clothes and shoes for donation. But there is nothing like picking through your life piece by piece and deciding what to take, what to give away, and general reminiscing every time I pulled something out. It becomes overwhelming. It would be a welcome distraction to have the production team at my house the next day and I was looking forward to it...
Monday, September 8, 2014
Friday, September 5, 2014
Moving On
...I woke up Monday morning feeling so good about not having to go to work anymore. Now my full-time job was to prepare for the big move. Not that I hadn't started preliminary research already on cross country moving services and auto shipping companies but there were so many things that had to be revised, changed, updated etc. when moving to a new state. I had to get new health insurance, new car insurance notify the mortgage company and homeowners insurance that I was going to be renting out my condo. The list was long and when I would happily cross something off I thought of more to add on. I confessed to this before that I am extremely organized not only as a result of my OCD but as part of being under the Virgo sign on the astrological calendar. Look up the definition in the dictionary and it's me. I love lists and order and everything has to be done a certain way, when this doesn't happen it admittedly gets ugly. I describe it as being in my own private hell.
There was a lot I wanted to accomplish the first week out before my move date because the second week I not only had my Fall semester speech at Penn on Monday but on Wednesday the camera/production crew from Make Believe Media will be at my house for an entire day to film me for the documentary episode of Very Bad Men. On top of all this I was making plans to individually see all my friends plus my cousin in NYC before I left for LA. My mom had done a huge BBQ with everyone in August but I wanted to visit with everyone separately instead of a group setting. Some of my girls also have kids and I wanted to see them too. Just so you know a month wasn't enough time! I set a routine of getting up each day, going to the gym then coming home and packing, make phone calls. The days were endlessly busy and exhausting.
Since the Summer I had started to go through my closets and cabinets and pull anything out I was never going to use or wear again and box it up for donations to the Vietnam Veterans. They have always been my go to and were getting a lot of items as a result of my move. I had also been sending anything I could fit into small boxes to Steve who was piling them up in the 2nd bedroom of his apartment soon to be our apartment. This would give me a head start on unpacking when I arrived as the moving company would take up to 21 days to arrive with the big stuff. At the moment that 2nd bedroom was a waste of space and full of, for lack of a better word, Steve's Junk. The room had a bright future ahead as my office/dressing room and future guest room for East coast visitors. I had plans for new window blinds and a cheery coat of paint for what had been a pathetic looking space. To this day almost a year later Steve likes to tease me about having my own room but he knows all the work I did to the room and around the rest of the apartment made it our home.
Sunday would be my final volunteer event with Make-A-Wish NJ. It was the annual Walk for Wishes fundraiser and somehow appropriate to finish my 3 years with the same event when I began volunteering for them. I had participated in a lot of wishes, was a hostess for the grand opening of the Make-A-Wish Castle, their new NJ headquarters, 2 years earlier and other fundraisers. I had gotten to know the staff very well and worked alongside many other volunteers to grant wishes. It would be the perfect time to say thank you for the opportunity to be a volunteer and say good bye. They would never know how pivotal the organization was in turning a corner in my life personally after having been through so much turmoil and trauma. It was yet another step forward in that all important albeit long healing process. I had a great day with everyone including the children and families who attended and walked to raise money for future wishes. It was an emotional farewell as I walked away in tears.
This was another milestone in the process of my move and I left that day to relax and watch football at my brother's house as I had done for so many years and got myself mentally ready for what lay ahead in Week 2...
There was a lot I wanted to accomplish the first week out before my move date because the second week I not only had my Fall semester speech at Penn on Monday but on Wednesday the camera/production crew from Make Believe Media will be at my house for an entire day to film me for the documentary episode of Very Bad Men. On top of all this I was making plans to individually see all my friends plus my cousin in NYC before I left for LA. My mom had done a huge BBQ with everyone in August but I wanted to visit with everyone separately instead of a group setting. Some of my girls also have kids and I wanted to see them too. Just so you know a month wasn't enough time! I set a routine of getting up each day, going to the gym then coming home and packing, make phone calls. The days were endlessly busy and exhausting.
Since the Summer I had started to go through my closets and cabinets and pull anything out I was never going to use or wear again and box it up for donations to the Vietnam Veterans. They have always been my go to and were getting a lot of items as a result of my move. I had also been sending anything I could fit into small boxes to Steve who was piling them up in the 2nd bedroom of his apartment soon to be our apartment. This would give me a head start on unpacking when I arrived as the moving company would take up to 21 days to arrive with the big stuff. At the moment that 2nd bedroom was a waste of space and full of, for lack of a better word, Steve's Junk. The room had a bright future ahead as my office/dressing room and future guest room for East coast visitors. I had plans for new window blinds and a cheery coat of paint for what had been a pathetic looking space. To this day almost a year later Steve likes to tease me about having my own room but he knows all the work I did to the room and around the rest of the apartment made it our home.
Sunday would be my final volunteer event with Make-A-Wish NJ. It was the annual Walk for Wishes fundraiser and somehow appropriate to finish my 3 years with the same event when I began volunteering for them. I had participated in a lot of wishes, was a hostess for the grand opening of the Make-A-Wish Castle, their new NJ headquarters, 2 years earlier and other fundraisers. I had gotten to know the staff very well and worked alongside many other volunteers to grant wishes. It would be the perfect time to say thank you for the opportunity to be a volunteer and say good bye. They would never know how pivotal the organization was in turning a corner in my life personally after having been through so much turmoil and trauma. It was yet another step forward in that all important albeit long healing process. I had a great day with everyone including the children and families who attended and walked to raise money for future wishes. It was an emotional farewell as I walked away in tears.
This was another milestone in the process of my move and I left that day to relax and watch football at my brother's house as I had done for so many years and got myself mentally ready for what lay ahead in Week 2...
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Two Weeks Notice
...I figured I would need about a month to pack up my entire house/life etc. and the timing worked out where I would give my two weeks notice via email while on vacation in LA. They didn't know I had planned to move out to LA months earlier and what did it matter I had given my blood, sweat and tears to that company with nothing to show for it except my 401k which was going to now fund my new public speaking career. Steve and I previously decided I would make the big move on October 25th for several reasons one of which I had a weeks vacation planned to come out and celebrate his 50th birthday and flights were booked well in advance as we always did to save money. I woke up that Friday morning and had run the words of the email around in my head a million times and once I finally typed it out I read it another 5 times, yay OCD! It felt really good to hit the send button on that email. As soon as it was done I sent text messages to my two closest friends in the office to let them know my plans. I had felt so terrible not revealing the news to them earlier but I needed to keep quiet until I gave my notice. They had seen it coming as far as my developing relationship with Steve and once I told them they both reacted with "finally" and as happy as they were for me they were going to miss working with me. As I would miss them too. Almost a year later and we still keep our friendships going strong.
The email to my bosses were responded to immediately with positive words as I wasn't quitting for another job but to start a new life somewhere else. Little did they know how close I was months earlier to walking out the door and working at my gym. My job had become so stressful and unhealthy as the volume of workload was crushing that I almost never took a lunch break and sometimes didn't get up from my desk for hours as I moved from one endless task to another. I stuck it out because of the amount of vacation I accumulated and because I knew I would be starting my new life elsewhere soon enough.
I returned on Monday from vacation and the news had spread throughout the office and shop. My position at the company included working in some capacity with every employee, I had been there for almost 6 years and people didn't leave very often so it was big news. Unfortunately when you think of how great it is to give two weeks notice my experience didn't come close to how I imagined it would be closing out my time there. My boss (the one who had trouble replacing BL) didn't use that time wisely at all. No sign of anyone coming in for an interview until my last few days there so that meant they would be splitting my responsibilities among four people and I had to train all of them. Two of which were those close friends I mentioned earlier who were themselves overwhelmed by their own workload. I wasn't scheduled to train anyone until last minute and they continued to have me work on all my projects and responsibilities until a few hours before I walked out the door. It was the worst two weeks of the six years I spent at the company. Every day other employees were baffled and asked why I hadn't been allowed to hand things off as was typically done when you leave a job. None of this surprised me since I wasn't treated with respect and the valued asset I was to the company before so why would I expect it at the end of my tenure. Not to mention the natural stress and pressure I was feeling because I was picking up my whole life and moving across the country. I simply didn't think I would be coming in every day to a workload that wasn't diminishing.
It wasn't all bad because my fellow employees and colleagues from outside the office were so supportive and nice and genuinely happy for me. They all wanted to know the details of my move and what I was going to do when I got out there. I shared my plans for my public speaking venture and stuck to the generic story of being a victim of a violent crime and my speaking out for prevention and advocacy. They expressed how bold it was to move away from everything I knew and everyone I loved to start a new life and a new career. I told them all that it was an easy decision because it was the right decision. This was how I felt about life changing decisions I had made in the past 10 years since my date rape. What I wanted to do may be hard but if it's right then no matter what you can get through it. I also had a lot of time to adjust because Steve and I had been together a year and a half and we had talked about it a lot before jumping into anything.
On my last day my friends got some people together to say good bye to me with a cake and cards with words that put me to tears. The company executives whom I worked with directly every day since my first took me to lunch. I felt special as this is not something they do for anyone. I came back from lunch finished up a few last bits of work and emails and made my way around the building to say good bye to everyone personally. I truly enjoyed working with all those people. We had a lot of fun times together in and out of the office and I would miss seeing them every day. Finally it was time to leave so I took the box of personal items from my desk and walked out the door. It was very emotional and bittersweet...
The email to my bosses were responded to immediately with positive words as I wasn't quitting for another job but to start a new life somewhere else. Little did they know how close I was months earlier to walking out the door and working at my gym. My job had become so stressful and unhealthy as the volume of workload was crushing that I almost never took a lunch break and sometimes didn't get up from my desk for hours as I moved from one endless task to another. I stuck it out because of the amount of vacation I accumulated and because I knew I would be starting my new life elsewhere soon enough.
I returned on Monday from vacation and the news had spread throughout the office and shop. My position at the company included working in some capacity with every employee, I had been there for almost 6 years and people didn't leave very often so it was big news. Unfortunately when you think of how great it is to give two weeks notice my experience didn't come close to how I imagined it would be closing out my time there. My boss (the one who had trouble replacing BL) didn't use that time wisely at all. No sign of anyone coming in for an interview until my last few days there so that meant they would be splitting my responsibilities among four people and I had to train all of them. Two of which were those close friends I mentioned earlier who were themselves overwhelmed by their own workload. I wasn't scheduled to train anyone until last minute and they continued to have me work on all my projects and responsibilities until a few hours before I walked out the door. It was the worst two weeks of the six years I spent at the company. Every day other employees were baffled and asked why I hadn't been allowed to hand things off as was typically done when you leave a job. None of this surprised me since I wasn't treated with respect and the valued asset I was to the company before so why would I expect it at the end of my tenure. Not to mention the natural stress and pressure I was feeling because I was picking up my whole life and moving across the country. I simply didn't think I would be coming in every day to a workload that wasn't diminishing.
It wasn't all bad because my fellow employees and colleagues from outside the office were so supportive and nice and genuinely happy for me. They all wanted to know the details of my move and what I was going to do when I got out there. I shared my plans for my public speaking venture and stuck to the generic story of being a victim of a violent crime and my speaking out for prevention and advocacy. They expressed how bold it was to move away from everything I knew and everyone I loved to start a new life and a new career. I told them all that it was an easy decision because it was the right decision. This was how I felt about life changing decisions I had made in the past 10 years since my date rape. What I wanted to do may be hard but if it's right then no matter what you can get through it. I also had a lot of time to adjust because Steve and I had been together a year and a half and we had talked about it a lot before jumping into anything.
On my last day my friends got some people together to say good bye to me with a cake and cards with words that put me to tears. The company executives whom I worked with directly every day since my first took me to lunch. I felt special as this is not something they do for anyone. I came back from lunch finished up a few last bits of work and emails and made my way around the building to say good bye to everyone personally. I truly enjoyed working with all those people. We had a lot of fun times together in and out of the office and I would miss seeing them every day. Finally it was time to leave so I took the box of personal items from my desk and walked out the door. It was very emotional and bittersweet...
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Idaho Sentencing
...Now that I accomplished another milestone in my recovery which was the speech at WOAR's Take it all Back event it was time to concentrate on the victims impact statement for the Idaho court. The writing Laura had me complete early on in counseling would become very valuable since I had written my feelings down when they were very raw. I was going to use those words along with, thanks to all my therapy, my ability to now step back and verbalize how my life was directly affected by Marsalis' assault on me 5 years earlier. The words flowed easily and once finished I read it over and over and made my edits. I brought it into my next counseling session with Laura for her to read and us to discuss. She liked what I had written and made a few suggestions which I later implemented. On May 18th I emailed the victims impact statement to the Idaho Department of Corrections. I let Joe Khan know of the phone conversation I had with the pre-sentencing investigator and subsequent email containing the statement. A few days later I was contacted again to be notified that the sentencing date was set for June 30th.
There were nothing I could do now but wait which I had been doing for the past few years. Waiting for the preliminary hearing, waiting for the trial, waiting for the sentencing, waiting for his extradition, waiting for the Idaho trial. It never got any easier. The other victim that I had become friends with after meeting at the ABC News interview kept in touch frequently via email and phone calls. She lived in Virginia at the time so we didn't get to meet up for lunch or coffee like normal friendships but then again our friendship was born out of something abnormal. She had also submitted a victims impact statement. Finally on June 30th I received a call from Joe Kahn who was in Idaho with the victim who had been Marsalis' girlfriend. He shared the news that Marsalis was handed a Life sentence to be served consecutively from the Philadelphia sentencing. I was excited beyond belief. Once again he told me the statement I submitted made an impact on the judges decision who also expressed his disgust with Marsalis the similar to the judge in Philadelphia.
This sentence meant many things to me. First, it was all over now. There would be no more trials. My participation was complete. Second, Marsalis would never see the light of day again. He will spend the rest of his life in prison and I (if given the chance) will dance on his grave. Third, I will get to live out the rest of my life knowing I was safe and he will never hurt another woman ever again! The words I spoke that day were "I feel like I can breathe again".
Later that evening I received an email from the ABC news associate producer with the sentencing information. They had been there for the trial and sentence as a part of the special to be aired including my interview. I also learned that Marsalis and his attorney (a different one than in Philadelphia) granted an interview to also be conducted by David Muir for the special. The two other women who participated in the interview and I were able to watch the sentencing footage aired on a local Idaho station and we shared our feelings with each other via email including our speculation and anticipation of the interview by Marsalis.
The next day on July 1st Joe Khan emailed to tell me that on the same day of the sentencing the Pennsylvania Superior Court unanimously rejected Marsalis' appeal. He had one last shot with the PA Supreme Court but that was unlikely due to the unanimous decision of the lower court and even if heard, the justices have excellent decisions relating to sexual assault prosecutions. Everything was moving in the right direction as far as his victims were concerned and the wrong direction for Marsalis...
There were nothing I could do now but wait which I had been doing for the past few years. Waiting for the preliminary hearing, waiting for the trial, waiting for the sentencing, waiting for his extradition, waiting for the Idaho trial. It never got any easier. The other victim that I had become friends with after meeting at the ABC News interview kept in touch frequently via email and phone calls. She lived in Virginia at the time so we didn't get to meet up for lunch or coffee like normal friendships but then again our friendship was born out of something abnormal. She had also submitted a victims impact statement. Finally on June 30th I received a call from Joe Kahn who was in Idaho with the victim who had been Marsalis' girlfriend. He shared the news that Marsalis was handed a Life sentence to be served consecutively from the Philadelphia sentencing. I was excited beyond belief. Once again he told me the statement I submitted made an impact on the judges decision who also expressed his disgust with Marsalis the similar to the judge in Philadelphia.
This sentence meant many things to me. First, it was all over now. There would be no more trials. My participation was complete. Second, Marsalis would never see the light of day again. He will spend the rest of his life in prison and I (if given the chance) will dance on his grave. Third, I will get to live out the rest of my life knowing I was safe and he will never hurt another woman ever again! The words I spoke that day were "I feel like I can breathe again".
Later that evening I received an email from the ABC news associate producer with the sentencing information. They had been there for the trial and sentence as a part of the special to be aired including my interview. I also learned that Marsalis and his attorney (a different one than in Philadelphia) granted an interview to also be conducted by David Muir for the special. The two other women who participated in the interview and I were able to watch the sentencing footage aired on a local Idaho station and we shared our feelings with each other via email including our speculation and anticipation of the interview by Marsalis.
The next day on July 1st Joe Khan emailed to tell me that on the same day of the sentencing the Pennsylvania Superior Court unanimously rejected Marsalis' appeal. He had one last shot with the PA Supreme Court but that was unlikely due to the unanimous decision of the lower court and even if heard, the justices have excellent decisions relating to sexual assault prosecutions. Everything was moving in the right direction as far as his victims were concerned and the wrong direction for Marsalis...
When Opportunity Knocks
...In early August I received an email from the prosecutor on my case Joe Khan regarding a documentary interview request. Joe continued to have our best interests at heart and served as gatekeeper for any press requests. He had been contacted by a Canadian production company who creates documentary and non-fiction programming and distributes internationally. The story producer and researcher for Very Bad Men was in the early stages of developing an episode on date rape and Jeffrey Marsalis as part of their 4th season for their 30 minute true crime show and was interested in having one of his victims tell their story as a cautionary tale. They already had interviews with detectives from Idaho and Philadelphia set up. Joe included the original email from the producer and asked that if we were interested in participating we can contact her directly.
I couldn't believe what perfect timing this was for me as I was preparing to embark on my new public speaking venture. This time I was emotionally ready to appear without a disguise and it would give me additional interview skills and experience. I responded quickly to Joe with a thank you and let him know what I was up to as far as my future was concerned. I then immediately looked up the production company to see their credits and was very impressed not to mention excited for the prospect. I emailed the producer with a brief list of my speaking accomplishments and having previously interviewed with ABC News. She responded by saying how important a victims perspective would be for the show then we set up a time that evening so she could do a pre-interview and also included a link so I could watch some clips of previous seasons episodes. We spoke for about an hour and a half most of which was me telling her my story in which she only interrupted a few times with questions. She was very supportive, offered some kind words and answered any questions I had regarding what her plans were for the layout of the episode, what our next steps would be and when it would air.
Two weeks later she reached out to provide me with several filming dates and asked which worked for me. Their crew was going to be in the area filming the prosecutor, detective and another victim and they were coordinating everyone's schedule. I was given a list of dates for the 2nd week of October which worked perfectly since I would already have quit my job and starting the process of packing and moving. In a strange coincidence the very next day as I was corresponding with Joe Khan he relayed to me that he was informed by ABC News that they would re-air the Primetime Crime special but on 20/20 August 30th. I was not only happy to hear that the show was still being put on TV for the opportunity of even more viewers exposure to the crime of date rape but that it was going to be on the prestigious 20/20. I shared the news with my family and close friends and everyone tuned in except ironically for me as I was on a plane that evening to LA to spend my Birthday weeks vacation with Steve but he recorded it and we watched the next day.
I'm a believer in signs and all these things happening at a time when I was moving on with my speaking and advocacy for date rape and sexual assault were a good sign to me that I had made the right decision. It's not that I was afraid to leave my job behind and begin something different, I had done that several times before and knew I could adapt to any situation. It was just that it reinforced what I was doing was right for me. The next step in the interview process came when I was contacted by the production manager to narrow down the interview date, sign and return some documents, discuss how we would use my home to shoot the interview and the exterior for Broll and what I should and shouldn't wear for the interview. In the 2 weeks leading up to the interview she and I corresponded frequently regarding details for the big day so when it arrived I was admittedly nervous but excited and ready...
I couldn't believe what perfect timing this was for me as I was preparing to embark on my new public speaking venture. This time I was emotionally ready to appear without a disguise and it would give me additional interview skills and experience. I responded quickly to Joe with a thank you and let him know what I was up to as far as my future was concerned. I then immediately looked up the production company to see their credits and was very impressed not to mention excited for the prospect. I emailed the producer with a brief list of my speaking accomplishments and having previously interviewed with ABC News. She responded by saying how important a victims perspective would be for the show then we set up a time that evening so she could do a pre-interview and also included a link so I could watch some clips of previous seasons episodes. We spoke for about an hour and a half most of which was me telling her my story in which she only interrupted a few times with questions. She was very supportive, offered some kind words and answered any questions I had regarding what her plans were for the layout of the episode, what our next steps would be and when it would air.
Two weeks later she reached out to provide me with several filming dates and asked which worked for me. Their crew was going to be in the area filming the prosecutor, detective and another victim and they were coordinating everyone's schedule. I was given a list of dates for the 2nd week of October which worked perfectly since I would already have quit my job and starting the process of packing and moving. In a strange coincidence the very next day as I was corresponding with Joe Khan he relayed to me that he was informed by ABC News that they would re-air the Primetime Crime special but on 20/20 August 30th. I was not only happy to hear that the show was still being put on TV for the opportunity of even more viewers exposure to the crime of date rape but that it was going to be on the prestigious 20/20. I shared the news with my family and close friends and everyone tuned in except ironically for me as I was on a plane that evening to LA to spend my Birthday weeks vacation with Steve but he recorded it and we watched the next day.
I'm a believer in signs and all these things happening at a time when I was moving on with my speaking and advocacy for date rape and sexual assault were a good sign to me that I had made the right decision. It's not that I was afraid to leave my job behind and begin something different, I had done that several times before and knew I could adapt to any situation. It was just that it reinforced what I was doing was right for me. The next step in the interview process came when I was contacted by the production manager to narrow down the interview date, sign and return some documents, discuss how we would use my home to shoot the interview and the exterior for Broll and what I should and shouldn't wear for the interview. In the 2 weeks leading up to the interview she and I corresponded frequently regarding details for the big day so when it arrived I was admittedly nervous but excited and ready...
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Another Year Older
...Today is my 48th birthday and what a great year it has been. I have actually been through more life changes this year than in any of the previous years. Not only did I quit my job to start a new career in a new state on the opposite coast of the one I spent my entire life but I rented out my condo packed all my belongings and shipped them out along with my car. I had to say good bye to my family that I'm extremely close to and my eclectic group of friends who I could not live without and a few amazing yet now former coworkers. I was also moving in with my boyfriend which was going to be a completely new experience for me as I had never been married or even lived with a guy before or lived with anyone for that matter since I was in college. I had always taken care of myself and would now be adjusting to sharing my life with someone else. All the above are very positive changes but that didn't make them easier.
It all started a year ago this week while I was visiting Steve for a weeks vacation and to celebrate my birthday when I sent out that email notifying my bosses of my two weeks notice. The next several months were a whirlwind of packing and good bye's and unpacking and then the holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's all in my new home, new state and with new people. I distracted myself by cooking for everyone as we invited "holiday orphans" to celebrate at our house and on New Year's eve I celebrated the east coast and west coast time zones midnight.
Then January meant a new year and time to get to work on JoAnnSpeaksOut. I put a loose plan on paper and where I should start first and got right to work. I was hitting all my goals and making a lot of progress for a new business in a new state. It was good that one of my work strengths was research because I had to do a lot of it acclimating to new geography, how and where I was going to promote myself and every time I had an appointment it was on a road I hadn't driven on before to a town I hadn't been to before. We take all that for granted when we grow up, work and live somewhere our entire lives. Promoting myself was new too but I was always good at doing it for my employer so I learned to turn it into my direction instead. A website was a must so I learned how to design one by using a template and set off on designing my own because who better would know what I wanted than me. Social media was a must and I dove in head first to twitter. Next was starting my blog and finally Facebook.
It's important to share with you that after the horrible experience with Match.com I had completely shut myself off from anything that would put my face and personal information out to the public. My solution to protecting myself from being as vulnerable as I was when I met Jeffrey Marsalis was to go dark. I didn't start a personal twitter account until last year and didn't go on Facebook until a few months ago. I had to open myself up to all these things at my own pace and when I felt comfortable. It was all part of the healing process and although my date rape was 10 years ago I had to take each step when I was ready not when everyone else thought I should and it all worked out. This doesn't mean I still don't have things to accomplish emotionally but I'm okay with it.
Once the Summer began I was finally feeling settled in to my new career and surroundings and was more confidant with everything. I experienced all that LA has to offer in the Summer with Steve which brings me to last Friday. I can't explain why but my upcoming birthday had me missing what I left back in NJ (family & friends). I told Steve how I was feeling and he let me have my moment instead of dismissing it or saying it was wrong. Today I woke up not even thinking of my age because it doesn't matter. I am healthy and happy and lucky for my life and those family and friends I share it with...
It all started a year ago this week while I was visiting Steve for a weeks vacation and to celebrate my birthday when I sent out that email notifying my bosses of my two weeks notice. The next several months were a whirlwind of packing and good bye's and unpacking and then the holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's all in my new home, new state and with new people. I distracted myself by cooking for everyone as we invited "holiday orphans" to celebrate at our house and on New Year's eve I celebrated the east coast and west coast time zones midnight.
Then January meant a new year and time to get to work on JoAnnSpeaksOut. I put a loose plan on paper and where I should start first and got right to work. I was hitting all my goals and making a lot of progress for a new business in a new state. It was good that one of my work strengths was research because I had to do a lot of it acclimating to new geography, how and where I was going to promote myself and every time I had an appointment it was on a road I hadn't driven on before to a town I hadn't been to before. We take all that for granted when we grow up, work and live somewhere our entire lives. Promoting myself was new too but I was always good at doing it for my employer so I learned to turn it into my direction instead. A website was a must so I learned how to design one by using a template and set off on designing my own because who better would know what I wanted than me. Social media was a must and I dove in head first to twitter. Next was starting my blog and finally Facebook.
It's important to share with you that after the horrible experience with Match.com I had completely shut myself off from anything that would put my face and personal information out to the public. My solution to protecting myself from being as vulnerable as I was when I met Jeffrey Marsalis was to go dark. I didn't start a personal twitter account until last year and didn't go on Facebook until a few months ago. I had to open myself up to all these things at my own pace and when I felt comfortable. It was all part of the healing process and although my date rape was 10 years ago I had to take each step when I was ready not when everyone else thought I should and it all worked out. This doesn't mean I still don't have things to accomplish emotionally but I'm okay with it.
Once the Summer began I was finally feeling settled in to my new career and surroundings and was more confidant with everything. I experienced all that LA has to offer in the Summer with Steve which brings me to last Friday. I can't explain why but my upcoming birthday had me missing what I left back in NJ (family & friends). I told Steve how I was feeling and he let me have my moment instead of dismissing it or saying it was wrong. Today I woke up not even thinking of my age because it doesn't matter. I am healthy and happy and lucky for my life and those family and friends I share it with...
Monday, September 1, 2014
The Future is Bright
...The Spring of 2013 brought my return to speak at the Penn Victimology class and the Stockton TBTN along with the staffing changes at work after the long awaited departure of BL. At the same time Steve and I started talking about me moving out to LA and in with him. This was the only scenario that made sense for both our careers. In order for him to continue booking guests in the entertainment field he had to be in a city where they all lived and worked. Since my career path had sadly never brought me the satisfaction, recognition or salary that I deserved and he knew that we agreed it would be the perfect time for me to start fresh and pursue my dream of public speaking and advocacy for sexual assault victims and survivors. We were keeping these discussions to ourselves for the time being as I'm sure you may all know once a couple starts telling friends and family their plans the endless questions start that we weren't ready to answer. I would also transfer to the Make-A-Wish LA chapter and continue volunteering. This change in career and schedule also meant that I would be more flexible when choosing the types of wishes I could participate in and I could work on many more wishes than I was currently.
These two things made me very happy at a time when my days at the office were going downhill. We had a revolving door of temps that were hired to cover the phones, open mail and other minor responsibilities while my boss searched for BL's replacement. This should have been easy right? Especially in the current job market. I think we all knew someone who was out of work and way overqualified for the jobs they were applying for so they could obtain employment. No, it wasn't, because my boss was impossible to please simple as that. She found something wrong with everyone. Each time we got a new temp, I along with the other member of my team had to take what little time we had and train the new employee. They would be there long enough to get adjusted to the staff and their daily tasks and then poof there they go for whatever reason. Then finally one morning in mid-June we were notified of the new hire.
I was called into my bosses office to be given the good news or so I thought. She started to explain what was going to happen in the next few weeks as far as training and responsibilities and slips in that I would resume my "Receptionist" duties once the new girl was settled in. I couldn't believe what I was hearing because my boss told me months before the new employee would be taking that on. She denied ever saying such a thing and everything would go back as they were before BL left. As a side note I have a crazy good memory and remember everything (especially with such significance) said to me. I argued how I've been coming to her for 3 years about the overwhelming workload I had and that when the Receptionist was let go it would be "temporary" and with my years of experience prior to and with the company I deserved some type of respect and seniority over a new employee with no experience or the qualifications that matched mine. We were not on the same level whatsoever.
I admittedly lost my temper because in that moment a light went on in my head and she had been yessing me to death and acting as if she was on my side when I came to her with my issues but all along she wasn't on my side at all. I was so angry and upset I got up walked out of her office passed my desk grabbed my purse and ran out of building in tears passing everyone by who was walking in the door and through the parking lot. I drove home (only 5 minutes away) to Steve and was inconsolable. I was talking through gasps and tears and it took him forever to calm me down and get to where I could speak clearly. He and my mom had been telling me repeatedly that I should slow down and stop giving so much of myself to the company that was giving nothing in return but more work. That is so hard for someone with OCD to do. I was home for almost 2 hours. We talked about our future and made a final decision on the date I would move out and when and how I was going to give my notice at work. But we were now going to spread the good news to our family and friends. We were both excited and we now wouldn't be living in limbo anymore. It was time to start our lives together!
I returned to the office although still upset I was feeling good about what I had to look forward to. I didn't seek out my boss and sat down to begin work for the day. I didn't realize I had forgotten my phone until I saw it sitting on my desk. I picked it up to see a bunch of texts from my coworker friends checking to see if I was OK. Obviously I had caused a slight stir when I ran out so upset because I passed so many people. I told anyone who asked what was going on with the new employee and how I had been lied to. It was discussed frequently how we didn't have a receptionist and the distractions it caused me throughout the day effecting my productivity and anytime anyone needed extra help they had no one to assist them. Morale had been dropping for the past few years and it was sad because it was such a great group of people and many had been there for more than 10-20 years and didn't like the direction the company had taken.
Well it wasn't my problem anymore. For the first time I was going to be selfish and I had a lot to do in the next few months to prepare for the move across the country. I couldn't wait to start sharing the news with my family and friends and once I did they were all so happy and supportive and excited for us both...
These two things made me very happy at a time when my days at the office were going downhill. We had a revolving door of temps that were hired to cover the phones, open mail and other minor responsibilities while my boss searched for BL's replacement. This should have been easy right? Especially in the current job market. I think we all knew someone who was out of work and way overqualified for the jobs they were applying for so they could obtain employment. No, it wasn't, because my boss was impossible to please simple as that. She found something wrong with everyone. Each time we got a new temp, I along with the other member of my team had to take what little time we had and train the new employee. They would be there long enough to get adjusted to the staff and their daily tasks and then poof there they go for whatever reason. Then finally one morning in mid-June we were notified of the new hire.
I was called into my bosses office to be given the good news or so I thought. She started to explain what was going to happen in the next few weeks as far as training and responsibilities and slips in that I would resume my "Receptionist" duties once the new girl was settled in. I couldn't believe what I was hearing because my boss told me months before the new employee would be taking that on. She denied ever saying such a thing and everything would go back as they were before BL left. As a side note I have a crazy good memory and remember everything (especially with such significance) said to me. I argued how I've been coming to her for 3 years about the overwhelming workload I had and that when the Receptionist was let go it would be "temporary" and with my years of experience prior to and with the company I deserved some type of respect and seniority over a new employee with no experience or the qualifications that matched mine. We were not on the same level whatsoever.
I admittedly lost my temper because in that moment a light went on in my head and she had been yessing me to death and acting as if she was on my side when I came to her with my issues but all along she wasn't on my side at all. I was so angry and upset I got up walked out of her office passed my desk grabbed my purse and ran out of building in tears passing everyone by who was walking in the door and through the parking lot. I drove home (only 5 minutes away) to Steve and was inconsolable. I was talking through gasps and tears and it took him forever to calm me down and get to where I could speak clearly. He and my mom had been telling me repeatedly that I should slow down and stop giving so much of myself to the company that was giving nothing in return but more work. That is so hard for someone with OCD to do. I was home for almost 2 hours. We talked about our future and made a final decision on the date I would move out and when and how I was going to give my notice at work. But we were now going to spread the good news to our family and friends. We were both excited and we now wouldn't be living in limbo anymore. It was time to start our lives together!
I returned to the office although still upset I was feeling good about what I had to look forward to. I didn't seek out my boss and sat down to begin work for the day. I didn't realize I had forgotten my phone until I saw it sitting on my desk. I picked it up to see a bunch of texts from my coworker friends checking to see if I was OK. Obviously I had caused a slight stir when I ran out so upset because I passed so many people. I told anyone who asked what was going on with the new employee and how I had been lied to. It was discussed frequently how we didn't have a receptionist and the distractions it caused me throughout the day effecting my productivity and anytime anyone needed extra help they had no one to assist them. Morale had been dropping for the past few years and it was sad because it was such a great group of people and many had been there for more than 10-20 years and didn't like the direction the company had taken.
Well it wasn't my problem anymore. For the first time I was going to be selfish and I had a lot to do in the next few months to prepare for the move across the country. I couldn't wait to start sharing the news with my family and friends and once I did they were all so happy and supportive and excited for us both...
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