Let the Healing Begin

...I received a call from Laura Benner who introduced herself as a counselor from W.O.A.R. (Women Organized Against Rape). She said Kathy had relayed my request for help. We chatted briefly but she really wanted to schedule my first appointment so we can get together face to face and start the process of counseling. Laura said the sessions would be a hour each but for the first time I would need to get there earlier to complete paperwork, given a tour of their offices, be introduced to the staff and review what services are available. Since WOAR is a rape crisis center and provides all kinds of services to victims of rape of all ages it is a safe place. This would be a place I went on a regular basis where I could speak freely and be supported. I would receive no judgement or those dreaded looks of pity and sadness that I had seen in friends and families faces. That really is the worst. The way I can describe walking through the doors every other week for my appointment was welcomed, relief and comfort. The receptionist always smiled said my name and asked how I was doing. If other employees/counselors walked through the waiting room they would greet me or maybe even stop for a chat. It was an amazing feeling to be somewhere and not be keeping a secret from anyone in the room. Everyone was there for the same reason whether it be seeking help or providing it. Another reason why WOAR or any other rape crisis center is special is that they solely treat rape victims. Rape counseling specifically requires treatment in which other general counselors/social workers may not be trained or have enough experience.

I arrived for my appointment and filled out some basic paperwork and then Laura came out of her office to greet me and bring me inside. Laura was a petite brunette with the most soothing voice I've ever heard. Anytime she spoke it had a calming effect on me. She was also very smart. We talked for a few minutes and she explained that the packet I would be completing served many purposes such as providing her with information she'll need in order to best counsel me and it would be a guideline for my treatment and success of steps taken along the way. I would also at some point in the future be completing the same documents again and hopefully my answers will show my healing progress. She left me alone at that point so I wouldn't feel any pressure while answering all the questions. The questions were not to be taken lightly and they were hard to answer. They were designed so you put a lot of thought into each one and took a hard look at yourself while doing it. Honesty in the answers was also important because what's the point of being there if you weren't completely honest with yourself and your counselor. Then again no one said therapy was easy. Ultimately if you want to get better you are going to have to work at it and I mean work hard! So I did what I had to do and finished up as best I could.

Laura came back in and we talked a bit more about what I was to expect and how it would work going forward and we made an appointment for my next session. She brought me around the offices and then we said good bye and I left. I would later find out that due to the number of victims in my case and the amount of publicity it got the employees there were well aware of it, who I was and wanted to get in and treat as many of us as they could.

I was feeling good about my first step into therapy and that I made the right decision. Laura and I didn't know it but she would be my rock through the next phase of what was already a long process of getting justice. I would eventually get to tell her how I felt...

A Different Kind of Help

...The rest of November passed uneventfully, Thanksgiving came and went and the Holiday season was upon us. I embraced the Christmas season with the usual decorating, parties, shopping, time off, etc. The closer I got towards the end of the year the more I began to feel like something just wasn't right with me. I don't mean in the physical sense, I was a healthy eater and had worked out religiously since I was 19 (I was 39). I mean in the mental and emotional sense. In my late 20's I was diagnosed with a mild case of depression, not severe enough for medication but I participated in individual and then group therapy sessions which I did eventually "graduate" from once I achieved good mental health. This "off" feeling wasn't exactly like that but enough for me to recognize by the start of the new year I was going to need professional help. I really needed to talk to someone on a consistent basis about what had happened to me and what I had ahead of me.

Very few people know this (until now of course) but I kept a large file of paperwork, newspaper clippings, business cards and general notes of anything that had to do with the case/trial. I'm extremely organized in my personal and work life and the trial ordeal would be no different. So I pulled out that legal sized envelope and took out the business card I received from Kathy at W.O.A.R. and I called the number on it. I remember that first day of the preliminary hearing and Kathy sat down next to me she had written my name down in a notebook of hers so when she picked up the phone and I gave her my name and where we had met she greeted me with enthusiasm and asked how I was doing. I told her that since the hearing I was feeling less and less myself and wanted to take her up on the offer of counseling. We chatted a bit more as she had some basic questions for me and said her next step was to get a counselor assigned to me. I would receive a call from the counselor directly to schedule our first appointment where we have an initial introduction and I would complete paperwork. I thanked her and we said our good bye's.

I hung up the phone and immediately began to feel some relief which solidified any doubts whether I had made the right decision. This would turn out to be my first step towards healing...