Why Not The First One?

I recently met a guy who had been very honest with me about his initial reaction to the first Bill Cosby accuser and where his opinion now stands today. We were introduced through a friend and he asked what brought me out to LA and what I did for a living. After hearing my story of being drugged and raped by a man that also sexually assaulted multiple other women in the same way his eyes widened and he reacted by saying how sorry he was for what happened and then commented about the similarity of multiple date rape victims in my case and the Bill Cosby accusers. He said that so many women have come forward and now there is no doubt in his mind about what the actor/comedian had done to them. He also said when the first woman spoke up and told her story he was a bit skeptical but as the accusations and stories increased he was convinced of their legitimacy. We continued with the discussion for a few more minutes and then moved on to another subject. 

There aren't a lot of people who admit they are wrong when it about a polarizing subject not to mention how few have the open-mindedness to actually switch there opinion with such a hot button issue as Rape. As a former victim now survivor I can't say enough how much I appreciated his willingness to see the issue from all sides and come to a final decision. It is my hopes for a future where everyone can go through the same thorough thought process. Just because we make an initial decision doesn't mean that we can't change our minds at some point.

The conversation got me thinking though about why when hearing a horrific account from only one sexual assault victim isn't enough to be convinced of their accusation. I'm not just talking about celebrities but with any man including adults, college students and teenagers. Frequently more than one victim comes forward before any action (criminal or otherwise) is taken. Excuses are even made on behalf of the accused. He's a great actor. He comes from a good family. He's so young. Just to name a few. Is it that the crime of rape is so heinous people don't want to believe anyone can even be capable of it especially from someone we may we know? Do they think there is an agenda behind the accusation? Why does the accused get the benefit of the doubt first before the victim? Do we really think we know a person so well? I don't have answers to any of these questions. What I am certain of is that we don't really know anyone completely. I am not saying this as a sign of my mistrust of people or that I believe everyone is dishonest and puts on a facade. That couldn't be further from the truth. I actually give everyone the benefit of the doubt and have to proven otherwise. I have seen such good in strangers through the past 10 years that I know it's out there. My point is human beings are complicated and they only let others see of themselves what they want them to see. 

I will always believe the victim and their claims of sexual assault which have to be dis-proven otherwise. So the next time a sexual assault victim comes forward believe her (or him) first. Not vice-versa.

UPDATE: Given the release of the Bill Cosby deposition documents and the words coming directly from his mouth I only hope that those Cosby's fans who were on the fence about his victims claims are now supportive of them.