After Primetime Crime

...The next several, unexpected things happened to me. It was a Thursday and I used to hand out the paycheck (direct deposit) stubs to the employees at work. I made my way around the office and then entered the shop and if people weren't busy we would stop and chat for a few seconds. I approached my friend Mike and he stopped me to quietly say he saw me on TV the night before and asked how I was doing. I was taken aback at first but responded with my being ok. He expressed his utter disgust for Marsalis and his crimes and verbalized his support for me. He did his best to not drag it out and made it sure there be as little awkwardness as possible. I thanked him, finished what I was doing and went back to my desk. I had to take a breath and realized that probably wouldn't be the first or last time I would be approached. My mom had told me later after I mentioned what happened that if you knew me, although disguised, you would recognize me. My brother called to tell me his best friend (who is like a 2nd brother to me) and his wife saw the show and were upset to hear what I had been going through and asked my brother about what happened. When I got home after finishing work and my workout at the gym there was a message on my answering machine from a friend I hadn't spoken to in a few years simply because we had both gotten busy with our lives. She said she was pretty sure it was me on TV last night and wanted to check to see if it was and how I was doing. I did call her back. We talked and subsequently reconnected as friends. One thing I have learned from this ordeal, nightmare, whatever you want to call it, there are many more good things that came out of something so bad. Those were the only people that approached me but it got me thinking there had to be many others that didn't feel comfortable doing so.

I did find out how my friend at work was able to handle our conversation so respectfully was that his sons girlfriend just so happened to be a counselor at a local rape crisis center. He called to tell her about seeing me in the interview and how to approach me. I want to say that even before this happened I always knew he was a very kind man but afterwards his status in my mind was elevated. It was also comforting for the 3 1/2 years that followed while I worked there I could share what I was doing as far as my speaking out about the subject. His younger son was a student at the same college I attended so when I began speaking on campus for Take Back the Night I would tell him about it. His older sons girlfriend later passed a message and her card through him and asked if I wanted to speak to their victims advocate training group. An invitation I accepted which would lead to another speaking engagement that I still continue to this day.

In Late July Laura emailed me saying she saw the Primetime Crime show and that it was really good. She also said she spoke with the Executive Director of WOAR who told her all the women did a great job. She also asked Laura if I would be interested in speaking and told her we had talked about it and would confirm first with me before forwarding my information to keep on file. This would actually be the spark that ignited my future in public speaking pertaining to the subject of my date rape, sexual assault awareness and advocacy.

I spoke with the associate producer on the show in August who told me the viewership was approximately 4 million. That to me was great news as it meant more peoplewere reached by my story and the crimes committed by Jeffrey Marsalis and could translate to either other victims coming forward to the police or at the very least begin the process of healing by telling someone. These are the two things that would drive me to begin my speaking and advocacy and the core of what my mission is based upon today. Except now it's not just the victims of Jeffrey Marsalis but any date rape or sexual assault victim. Telling someone is the first step towards healing. I have given many speeches and attended many speak outs where victims either stand up publicly or tell me privately what has happened to them and I can see on their faces that a weight begins to lift when it's said aloud!

The next step for me would be for me to figure out how and where to start speaking...

Primetime Crime Airs

...About two weeks prior to the jury verdict I was contacted by the associate producer regarding shooting footage in Philadelphia as a final part of the shows preparation. The two other victims (his girlfriend at the time would not participate in this part) and I would meet at a hotel room to have our hair and makeup (disguises) done again and we would shoot footage on the streets and in the bars that we had me him. There would be no speaking for this part. We all met on June 23rd for another very long day of filming but it was important and as we had done previously we made the best of it. We discussed the upcoming sentencing and our hopes as to what would come of it.

On Monday July 13th I woke up knowing it would be an emotional week. The ABC News special I was interviewed for, Primetime Crime, would be airing Wednesday July 15th and I was excited to see how the show turned out and anxious to see how I looked and came across on camera, not to mention I was going to see Jeffrey Marsalis be interviewed. These were to be the first words I would hear him speak since we parted over 4 years ago. I was poking around the ABC News website and did come across a promo for the show. There was a text description and a link for a preview. I watched it and saw a glimpse of myself speaking a few words which I immediately thought was very strange. I then shared the link via email to my mom, brother and the other victims with whom I was interviewed.

My mom called me Wednesday morning to say she saw a very long live report on Good Morning America by David Muir (who conducted the interview) and discussion with Chris Cuomo. I went online right away to see if I could find it and viewed it. I just wanted the day to go by quickly so I could watch the show in its entirety. 

Finally 10:00pm came and I sat on the edge of my couch for an hour viewing the show and digesting my thoughts and feelings regarding my interview along with the other women, the reporting done by David Muir, the coverage of the Idaho trial and sentencing and most importantly interviews with several jurors and Marsalis. I wrote later in an email to the producers that the jurors perspective was very important to me because they believed the victim and that meant everything. On the other hand listening to Marsalis just angered me. He played the victim blame game and came off as his usual smug, arrogant self. He couldn't even answer David Muir's question of "who is Jeffrey Marsalis?" because he is nobody. His persona is fabricated so he can't even describe to someone who he is and to top it all off he said he couldn't even remember me which isn't true at all because I saw that scared look on his face 2 years earlier at the closing arguments in the Philadelphia trial.

I finished watching the show thinking overall I was happy with way it was put together. Of course I wish there was more, it could easily have been 2 hours instead of one to include much more of our interview but the show was tastefully done with the time limit they were allotted. I sent an email to the other victims with my opinion and asked what they thought too. We later discussed having read a few negative posted comments. I can only explain reading them is like knowing you shouldn't touch the hot burner on stove but still do. I also email the producer and associate to thank them for covering the story thoughtfully and their professionalism throughout the entire interview process. The fallout from the show airing would be unexpected yet another way for me to move forward...

Victims Impact Statement

In my August 4th blog I referred to a victims impact statement I submitted to the Idaho Department of Corrections to be reviewed by the judge as part of his sentencing decision for Jeffrey Marsalis. As mentioned before I saved a lot of things during the trials and counseling process including newspaper articles, personal writings, etc. I also have the victims impact statement and today was the first time reading it in 5 years and my thoughts are nearly identical. I wanted to share it with my readers so here it is...

"In March of 2004 we met for a date. As a 37 year old woman I have been on many in my adult life always taking the necessary precautions and trusting my instincts about men which had not failed me before. I also put my trust into Marsalis as a gentleman and a human being. He is neither.

He took advantage of my trust. Throughout our conversation that evening he told me his fabricated life story and careers and documented it with various forms of “false” identification. He drugged my drink and violated me sexually as a woman and a human being.

He took away the confidence I had in myself to make sound judgements about men and people. I sought professional help to work my way back to the previous confidence I had before my encounter with him. I know I will get there because I believe in myself.

Throughout my experience with him at the Philadelphia Preliminary Hearing in Oct/Nov 2006, the 2007 trial, closing arguments and sentencing, Jeffrey Marsalis has never once showed remorse or ceased to blame all the women who came forward accusing him of his crimes. I believe he will never take responsibility or come to the realization that he has done anything wrong. He is a threat to woman and society if he continues along this path of denial.

Jeffrey Marsalis has contributed nothing to society in a personal or professional capacity. He has caused more pain to the women he has encountered than can ever be put into words.

Your Honor, please sentence him to the maximum for the crime of Rape in which he has been convicted."

My First Speech

...I woke up the next morning (Saturday) with a smile on my face, remembering the incredible news of the verdict I received the day before. Although a little bit nervous about my speech I was excited to go to the event and share the good news. I wasn't going to participate in the march through the streets of Center City but join the event at the venue above the Visitors Center in Independence Park. If you aren't familiar with Philadelphia, it's a beautiful park where Independence Hall, the Liberty Bell and Constitution Center are located. The hall was a flurry of activity with lots of people gathered around chatting excitedly, tables set up for the raffle and an art exhibit and stage for the dance performance. I walked in grinning from ear to ear and eagerly scanned the room for my counselor Laura. I saw her almost immediately and practically ran over to greet her. Practically the first words out of my mouth were "they found him guilty of rape!" She was so happy and we talked over each other. Oh and I started crying again those tears of happiness too. We walked around the room gathering other WOAR employees, counselors and the director to share the good news. As previously written in an earlier post the Jeffrey Marsalis case was well known by those working and volunteering at WOAR.

After sharing the good news Laura and I quickly discussed my speech and readiness to present it and the agenda for the days events. We parted as she had some other responsibilities so I walked around the large hall purchasing raffle tickets and snacks and chatting with other attendees. It was such a nice atmosphere. The time came to begin the dance performance and speeches and the presentation from the mayor dedicating April 20-25, 2009 Sexual Assault Awareness Week in Philadelphia which is a very big recognition.

I was sitting in the second row anxiously awaiting my turn to be introduced. A few other women spoke before me and gave very moving and emotional speeches so I had an idea of what to expect when I got up there. Then it was my turn to be introduced and Laura joined me at the podium. I began reading my speech from a printout and held onto that paper tightly. My speech was a timeline of events from meeting Marsalis on Match.com through the legal process and how I met Kathy outside court and was referred to Laura except I had an unexpected addition to the speech the night before which was the verdict. I started out somewhat strong in my delivery but quickly became emotional which increased throughout to the point where Laura began by holding my hand and by the time I reached the end of the speech with the verdict she was holding me up. Once the audience heard the verdict the room erupted in applause, gasps and cheers and finally they all stood up. It was way too much for me to handle emotionally that I fell into Laura's arms. The unexpected support from the room was so overwhelming to me that as I write this today I am getting chills. It also reminds me why I have dedicated myself to the cause of awareness for date rape, sexual assault and rape. Anyone who has ever been a sexual assault victim should get to experience that feeling of unconditional support.

Laura took me aside to tell me I did a great job and stayed with me until I was calm. I remained for the rest of the events and a few people approached to comment and congratulate me. A sexual assault and/or rape conviction is so difficult to obtain that it must be celebrated. The unfortunate obstacles include the victim reporting, the evidence being strong enough to prosecute, the victim choosing to prosecute and the jury making the correct verdict. It's a very long, very difficult road as I can tell you from personal experience.

I left the event that day feeling good about what I had accomplished and knowing somehow I wanted to continue to do what I did which was to speak out and share my story in the hopes of helping other victims and a year later I would be doing just that...

Another Verdict is In

...On Friday, the day the Idaho jury was deliberating I went about my workday as usual and then went to the gym afterward. Actually I had something else on my mind. April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM) and WOAR recognizes it with a Take It All Back day. This is similar to the Take Back the Night events around the country planned for SAAM. Each year WOAR plans a march through Philadelphia that ends up at the location chosen for that year to hold the rally. At the rally they have tables set up for local services available, a raffle with different goodies donated by local businesses that you can win, a performance of some sort whether it be dance or art and survivor speakers. In my therapy session two weeks prior my counselor Laura explained the days events to me and described how far I have come in my counseling and she felt I was ready to get up and tell my story. She asked if I felt comfortable doing that. A few things ran through my mind at that point. I was happy to know that my hours and hours with Laura were paying off. Also this was the perfect opportunity to give back (pay it forward) for all the help and support I received due to the kindness of strangers. Then I thought 'ok I'm going to have to write a speech'. I accepted her invitation and she was very happy. She said figure out what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it and write it down. Then during our next meeting we can review and talk about it before the event Saturday April 25th. She also gave me some ideas as to how other victims gave their speeches in the past. During our session the evening before, on Thursday, we did just that. So on Friday I was thinking about my speech and having to tell my story to a large group of people. Although this time would be different than when I was in court because everyone I was speaking to would be supportive plus Laura would be at my side the entire time, which was comforting.

So distracted by my upcoming speech the next day and following my usual routine, when I finished my workout got back to the locker room and checked the messages on my phone I was completely shocked to hear a message from Joe Khan that the Idaho jury came back in 2 hours and delivered a Guilty verdict for Rape. WOW! I couldn't believe what I was hearing and replayed the message. I was smiling and crying at the same time. I felt like the weight of a building just lifted from my shoulders. Everything I (we) had worked for the past 3 1/2 years was worth it. The words I wanted to hear were spoken. Jeffrey Marsalis was now a convicted rapist. He was going to face the potential for a Life sentence. I was happy and relieved and couldn't stop crying. Trust me I tried. I was sitting in the locker room making a bit of a spectacle of myself so I grabbed my bags to get out of there and dialed Joe and left a voice mail.

I got in the car to drive home and first called my mom to give her the news. She was happy and wanted to know why I was crying. I told her I was relieved but I was still uncontrollable so she was trying to calm me down, obviously a bit worried. I hung up with her called my brother next to tell him quickly and then I called my best friend Renee. They were all happy for me and I continued to cry the entire way home. It was only a 10 minute drive home thankfully. Joe returned my call and we both shared our moment of success. He explained to me that the sentencing was scheduled for June and he would be pushing for a Life sentence. He also told me that I (along with the other Philadelphia victims) would be able to write a victims impact statement and email it to the court for the judge to review and weigh as part of his sentencing decision. This was like the cherry on top of the sundae. I get to tell the judge what Marsalis did to me and how it affected my life and how important it was to not allow him to ever be released from prison. This was certainly something that I would work on with Laura. Joe provided me with a few more answers to the questions I had regarding the verdict and sentencing and we hung up. 

What a way to end the week and start my weekend and now I had some really good news to share the next day at the WOAR event. My mind raced the rest of the evening and I had maybe the most restful nights sleep in years...

Idaho Trial Begins

...On Monday April 20, 2009 the 3rd trial for Jeffrey Marsalis began. I haven't discussed much of this previously but the other victims and I looked forward to this one as our ace in the hole. There was extremely good evidence in this particular case and I was really hoping for a rape conviction as it would directly affect my life going forward. If the proper verdict wasn't returned there was the likelihood I would be involved in another trial.

In 2005, while out on bail for the January 2006 trial Jeffrey Marsalis illegally fled Pennsylvania and moved to Idaho. He was familiar with the resort area where he settled as he knew it from his childhood. He obtained a job as a security guard at the resort and was introduced to the victim by her sister, a fellow employee. She later reported her terrible feelings of guilt for having introduced her sister to a man that would later rape her. I knew that feeling as it was something I will never let go of too. It was that similar "what if" all of the victims talked about in the ABC News interview. I had also discussed this at length with my counselor Laura as it weighed upon me heavily. 

Marsalis used his "charms" to gain the victims friendship and they decided to go out for drinks one night at a local bar in the resort town. They sat at the bar enjoying drinks and conversation in which she honestly told him she was a lesbian and there would be no physical relationship between them. They continued to drink and have fun but she later reported beginning to feel dizzy and out of it. Marsalis escorted her from the bar and got a taxi. The driver would later testify the victim was nearly unconscious during the ride and when arriving at her apartment the victim was not in control of her body whatsoever to the point that Marsalis was dragging her, toes pointed backward on the ground, inside the apartment.

The victim woke up the next morning extremely ill and disoriented (similar to myself and the other victims) and called her sister who convinced her to go to the hospital and call the police. She gave a statement to the police about the events of the night before and a rape kit was done. All of this was testified to during the week long trial. The police, the witness, the victim and all the DNA evidence was presented to the jury in this week long trial. As I did with the Philadelphia trial in 2007 I followed along online everyday. It was a very big case in the city of Boise and covered by their local print and TV media. ABC News was also there as this would be part of the special for which I had been interviewed. Although I knew the case was strong after what happened with the jury in Philly I still wasn't 100% confident. 

That Thursday evening my session with Laura was taken up by what had been happening in Idaho all week and my feelings of anxiety. The jury got their instructions on Friday April 24th and begun deliberation...

Back to Counseling

...While all this was going on, meaning the anticipation of the Idaho trial and the preparation for the ABC News interview, I had begun to have that weird, can't put my finger on it feeling again similar to just after the preliminary hearing in 2006. I contacted my counselor Laura at W.O.A.R. to start regular counseling sessions again. There was a lot for me to talk about especially leading up to the next trial. I clearly wasn't done my treatment which I ended over a year earlier. She was happy to welcome me back and we picked up where we left off.

I had left my private flight attendant job the previous year. It had served its purpose and somehow got me to realize what it was I wanted for myself. Spending all that time traveling and having a flexible schedule was good for me. I had always worked in a corporate setting with the usual 9-5 schedule seeing the same people every day. At that time in my life I needed to have a different view when I looked out the window in the morning and needed to meet new people every day. When I had enough I knew immediately and began my next job search. What I also knew is that I wasn't going to fall back into marketing again and found something completely different. I stayed at that company until last Fall when I moved out to LA to be with my boyfriend and begin the next chapter in my life. 

Laura and I talked about the new job, about the opportunity to be interviewed for a respected national news program, the importance the Idaho rape trial held in my future and about my anxiety with dating which had not always come easy to me. I wasn't that "lucky in love" person. Exactly why I had tried Match.com some 6 years earlier. As a result I had decided to keep trying but used what I thought were more secure forms of dating. Most dating sites are set up by nature predatory. The men or women can seek out who they want and can easily lie on their profiles. I did try eHarmony and speed dating. I wasn't ultimately successful with those either but I was making the effort.

In several aspects of my life I had definitely evolved since our last round of counseling but Laura's approach to talk therapy was still good for me but the need for written therapy wasn't as necessary because of where I was at point in my life. Although there was a very important document she would be advising me on as a result of the trial outcome. I was feeling OK as April rolled around and the beginning of the trial...